


Phoenix Rising

by whenindoubtblamekirk



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/F, Violence, fem!reader - Freeform, mentions of rape/self-harm, space lesbians!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 49
Words: 43,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24580837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whenindoubtblamekirk/pseuds/whenindoubtblamekirk
Summary: After a traumatizing past, Y/N and her girlfriend seek a fresh start aboard the USS Enterprise. However, as they finally begin to settle into their new lives, an enemy from Y/N's past threatens to ruin everything she has built there. She is faced with a choice: let him destroy another family, or rise up and fight.
Relationships: Y/N/OFC
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

You huff, dropping your heavy bag onto the bed, muscles aching from carrying it all the way from the turbolift to your quarters. Your girlfriend, Jenna, looks up at you from over the brim of her reading glasses. She’s laying out on the couch, reading a PADD, no doubt absorbing information about the USS Enterprises’s medbay and her new boss, Chief Medical Officer Leonard McCoy. 

“Took you long enough,” she laughs, wavy blonde hair swishing around her neck as she swings her legs off the couch and crosses the room to join you on the bed. Her sharp eyeliner makes her electric blue eyes pop, and her blush pink lipstick is distracting. 

Before you can stare, you break eye contact and unpack your uniforms, placing them in the closet. “Well, you weren’t exactly helpful,” you grumble, half-joking.

Jen crosses her arms. “I was researching.” Her voice is playfully defensive.

You raise an eyebrow, but don’t respond. Jen has always been the more easy-going of the two of you, which explains why she’s just now reading up on Dr. McCoy. You, on the other hand, like to know what’s coming. Yet, when it comes down to it, your ability to be quick on your feet has gotten you through most of what life has thrown at you.

“Did you look into Mr. Scott?”

You sit on the bed next to her. “He’s a damn good engineer and physicist. That’s all I’m worried about.”

“But what about his personality?”

“Well…” You tap your chin playfully, as though you’re deep in thought. “He seems like the kind of man who can hold his liquor.”

Jen punches your arm, rolling her eyes.

You’re now working in the engineering department under Mr. Scott, Chief Engineer of the USS Enterprise. The Scotsman seemed to like you when you first met last week, and his calling you ‘lassie’ is endearing. 

“We’ll get along just fine.” You force a smile, running a hand through your short, brown hair. Your bag is still packed full of your tools, clothes, and other personal belongings. 

Jen senses your stress. “I know you don’t like this,” She slips her hand into yours and squeezes sympathetically. “but it’s good for both of us.” 

You nod, knowing she’s right. Both you and Jen needed the fresh start. Having to leave your friends behind wasn’t easy, but you both knew ‘the life’ was no longer something you or Jen could continue.

Grinning, you lead her to the near-empty closet. Jen’s blue medical dresses are on one side, your red engineering uniform shirt and pants on the other. Thankfully, Starfleet has no regulations against girls wearing the two-piece uniforms. You’d rather be shot into space than have to wear a dress to work.

“Wow...” Jen breathes, pointing at the back of the closet. “I can see my thirteen-year-old self in there.”

You chuckle. “Let’s get our new uniforms on. How about some dinner?”

Jen blushes and closes the distance between you. “Are you asking me out on a date?” 

Rolling your eyes, you wrap your arms around her neck. You and Jen have been dating for years. 

She plants a light kiss on your lips, leaving a little pink lipstick behind. 

You pull back, noses touching. “Is that a yes?” 

“Go get changed.” She chucks your uniform at you, grinning.


	2. Chapter 2

After dinner, you return to your shared quarters. __

“That mac n cheese was to die for,” Jen groans, laying on the bed.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a doctor?” you tease, spitting out your toothpaste in the bathroom sink. “Shouldn’t you eat healthier?”

“Yes, but you only live once.” She rolls off the bed and joins you in the bathroom. 

You wipe your mouth on a towel. Kissing the top of her head, you exit the bathroom space to go change into a t-shirt and shorts for bed.

Your eyes snap open as you hear screams coming from beside you. Rolling over, your foot tangled in sheets, you try to shake Jen awake. She’s curled up nearly in a ball, a pillow half-covering her face. 

“Jen! Jenna! Wake up!” Her sports bra is soaked with sweat, her breathing ragged.

She starts thrashing underneath your grip, still absorbed in the night terror. You hear her whisper something about the war. 

You use your strength to help hold her down. She lets out a scream.

“Jen, hey, it’s ok, you’re safe.” You try to console her, but it’s no use.

Shifting to sit on the bed, you pull her head to your chest. Jen begins to thrash harder and screams again, kicking and punching wildly. Realizing she’s not calming down, you stand up and pull her in front of you, forcing her arms down by her sides and gripping her tightly. It’s something Jen had taught you years ago that doctors use to control patients. 

It’s also something she’s used on you before when she was in the same situation.

Despite her squirming, you successfully restrain her. Her screams into your chest tell you, however, that it’s only temporary. 

You lean down a little, trying to reach your comm on the nightstand without losing your grip on Jen. Before you can get it, pain suddenly blooms across your forehead as Jen headbutts you. You’re stunned and stumble back, allowing Jen to free her arms fully. Her eyes are still closed, but you see them moving underneath her eyelids. Before she can swing again, you lower your head and shoulders and pick her up into a fireman’s carry. Rushing towards the door, you run to the medbay.

Jen continues to hit you across your back as the medbay comes into sight. 

“That’s gonna leave a mark,” you groan in pain, knowing it’ll be even worse when the adrenaline wears off. 

Finally reaching the turbolift, you slam the button with your elbow. The doors aren’t even fully open when you jump inside. After some maneuvering, you hit the level for medbay as Jen continues to squirm around. She chokes out a sob that wrenches your heart. You hate seeing her in pain.

The whoosh of the doors snaps you back to reality. Shifting your grip on Jen, your bare feet slap against the floor as you head to medbay. You squash the nausea that rolls over you. Given your training, very few things can make you nervous. Yet, medbay has always seemed to make you lightheaded.

_ Jen needs me.  _ you think in an attempt to steel yourself as you enter medbay.

Frantically looking around, you eye Dr. McCoy in his back office, apparently not hearing you come in. 

Jen lets out another scream, which causes his head to snap up and he runs towards you. 

“What the hell-” 

“Night terror,” you pant, exhaustion catching up to you. “She won’t wake up.”

He takes Jen into his arms. Though she continues to thrash, you help him get her onto a biobed. It comes to life as monitors begin to read Jen’s vitals. 

“Lemme grab a sedative!” he yells and runs across the room. You grip Jen’s wrists and end up essentially laying on top of her to hold her down. 

Jen’s head slams against your face, causing pain to shoot through your skull. Groaning, for a split second your vision goes white. Hot blood streams from your nose, splattering onto the biobed. 

“Go quick!” you yelp. 

Dr. McCoy returns, hypospray in hand. 

“Hold her head to the side!” 

Blinking away stars, you hold Jen’s head down, left hand on her chin, the other covering her right ear. Dr. McCoy quickly jabs Jen’s neck with the hypospray, hearing it hiss as the sedative causes her to relax underneath you. Confident she’s out cold, the doctor offers you a hand to help you up. Taking it, you slide off of Jen and stand on your feet. The doctor is at least half a foot taller than you.

He gestures to Jen’s limp form. “It’s just a light sedative. Just enough to calm her down. She’ll be awake again in an hour or so.” 

“Sorry to bother you, Doctor. It’s just-” you sigh, rubbing your throbbing forehead. “It’s usually not this bad.” Blood drips onto your lips and down your chin, but you ignore it.

He nods sympathetically. “Don’t worry about it darlin’. Now, lemme take a look at those injuries.” 

“Don’t worry about it, I’m fine,” you say a little too fast.

He gives you a look. Silently, he picks up the dermal regenerator off the table. The device whirrs as it approaches your face. Your muscles tense and you resist the urge to swat it away as it heals your skin. 

Taking a cool cloth, Dr. McCoy wipes away the blood. He leaves the room for a second. 

_ It’s just medbay, Y/N. You’ll be fine. _

Returning, he holds a tube. “This is gonna heal those bruises, darlin’.” 

Forcing your breathing to slow, you release your arm to him. 

_ He’s a Starfleet doctor. He’s here to help,  _ you remind yourself.

He gently turns it over and inspects the large angry-looking bruises covering your forearms. 

“Nothing appears to be broken,” Dr. McCoy says, running his fingers against your bones, making you shiver. Popping open the tube, he rubs the cream on the bruises and they begin to fade. 

“Now, I need to check your ribs.”

You hesitate. 

“It’s gonna be a quick inspection, that’s it, darlin’. I need to make sure nothing’s broken.” 

You glance at Jen.  _ Please wake up.  _

“I’m sure they’re fine, Doctor,” you say meekly. Jenna is the only doctor you’ve ever trusted to check you over, and this 6’1 brunet with hazel eyes was a far cry from your 5’1 blonde-haired blue-eyed girlfriend. 

That, and, Jen is the only one who has seen your scars.

“Darlin’,” Dr. McCoy repeats, his voice gentle. Realizing you’re trapped, you capitulate. Panic bubbles inside you. Eyes glued to the floor, you gingerly pull off your shirt and lay it on the biobed at Jen’s feet. Only a gray sports bra covers your chest.

“Sweet Lord,” the doctor breathes, taking in the mix of burns, stab wounds, and whip marks that pepper and streak across your chest and back. Not to mention the thin, clean white lines exposed near your hip, ones you did yourself. Ironically, the bruises help to hide some of the scars. The red blobs cover half of your stomach and stretch up to your sternum. By tomorrow, you know you’ll be black and blue.

You turn to Jen. Her breathing is steady and her eyes closed. You know you’re on your own. The warm touch of the doctor’s hands causes you to turn to face him as he gently pushes against your ribs. You bite your lip, doing your best to not groan in pain. Your stomach does flips as the room begins to spin. 

A heavy silence fills the medbay.

“They’re not as bad as they look.” You try to laugh a little, but end up gasping as pain rolls up through your chest. 

The doctor looks up at you, hazel eyes filled with concern and pity, but says nothing. 

Standing straight, he walks over to the monitors next to the biobed, reading Jen’s vitals. His eyes are watery, but he quickly wipes away the tears.

Taking this as a signal that the checkup is over, you pull your shirt back on, filled with shame and embarrassment. The scars from the war were mortifying enough, but the way Dr. McCoy’s eyes hung on your self-harm scars left you feeling exposed, guilty, and vulnerable.

Breathing shakily, you sit in a chair to the right of Jen. Tears prick at your eyes but you ignore them. 

Jen is still asleep, one hand being held by you, the other resting by her side. You yawn into your hand. The time on the biobed reads 2:34 am. Your adrenaline is finally beginning to wear off a little, and your heart rate is getting back to normal. 

Well, at least normal for your kind.

You hear a grunt from Dr. McCoy. 

“What is it?” Panic once again begins to well in your chest as all thoughts of sleep fizzle away. 

_ Is Jen having a reaction to something? Did he find something wrong with her?  _

“This is strange,” he says as he squints down at the tricorder screen. You had been so focused on Jen you hadn’t noticed him waving it over her. 

“Her vitals are ok. Heart rate is a little high, but that’s to be expected. The sedative will help bring it down.” His brow furrows. “The tricorder is picking up on some kind of… energy source.” 

Your breathing hitches. 

“It must be a glitch.” For how long you’ve been alive, you should really be better at lying, but your voice betrays you and cracks slightly. 

Dr. McCoy’s stare bores into you. You swallow and glance down at Jen’s hand in yours. 

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” he asks softly.

You try to steady your ever-quickening breathing. You hear the whir of the tricorder as he scans you. 

_ Too late now.  _ You think to yourself. Panic closes up your throat. The medbay’s walls seem to stifle you.

“You’re emitting it, too. What’s going on, Y/N?” 

You gulp. “It’s not going to hurt anyone, if that makes you feel any better.” Gripping Jen’s hands, you pray that she wakes up and gets you both out of this. 

“Look, kid.” His hazel eyes lock with yours. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I need to know. I’m a doctor, and if-”

“It’s not going to hurt anyone,” you repeat through grit teeth, fear turning into anger. “I’m well aware you’re a doctor, but that doesn’t give you the right to-”

“Hey, let’s not get nasty.” A familiar voice cuts in. “He’s my boss now, remember?”

You crack a smile, turning to see Jen awake. Instantly, your muscles relax slightly. “Welcome back.”

Dr. McCoy shoots you a wary look before turning to her. “How do you feel?” 

Jen groans and tries to get up on her elbows, but you and the doctor both put a hand on each shoulder and gently push her back down. 

He chuckles. “Don’t get up too quickly, now, or else-” 

“The blood will begin to rush to my brain and inhibit cognitive function, causing disrupted thought patterns and disorientation.” Despite sounding as though she’s reading out of a textbook, you notice how her words are slurred. She rubs her blurry eyes, obviously still out of it. You resist the urge to smile as a memory of her studying for her doctorate in college comes back to you. 

_ Smart girl.  _

Eyebrows raised, the doctor grunts in agreement. “Now where’d you learn that?”

“Harvard,” she mumbles. You shoot her a glance, knowing where this will lead. 

“Jen,” You squeeze her hand to get her attention. “maybe we should head back to our quarters?”

She looks over at you, her eyes only half-open. “But I like it here!” Her voice reminds you of a child being told they have to leave a playdate early.

The doctor pats her hand. “You’re not going anywhere yet, darlin’. You need to stay overnight for observation. It’s protocol.” He glances back down at the tricorder in his hand, and you suspect it has nothing to do with protocol.

“Well,” you sigh, obviously not liking the sound of that. “Can you at least grab us some water?” 

He glances between you and Jen, hesitant to leave the two of you alone. But Jen’s innocent child-like smile apparently convinces him. 

“Fine.” He leaves the room, and you hear his footsteps as he goes across the medbay into the back to get some cups. 

Having been a soldier for years, you’ve learned to rely on your gut. You’ve lost count of how many times your instinct alone has saved you.

And at this moment, that’s all that you’re running on. Instinct. 

Waiting until you’re sure he’s gone, you stand up. “We gotta go.” Scooping up Jen in your arms, you exit the room and quickly move towards the medbay doors. Wincing at the sound of them sliding open, you break out into a run out of fear of the doctor hearing you. 

Not even a half a minute later, you hear “Dammit!” from the medbay and the doors slide open again. 

“I haven’t been carried like this by you since our first date,” Jen mumbles, her head resting against your chest as you reach the turbolift. You hear footsteps behind you, and see a shadow coming around the corner, no doubt Dr. McCoy, as the door slides shut and brings you to your floor.

“Weee!” Jen squeals as you go up to your floor. As soon as you step out you hit a yellow blur. 

“Shit!” you yelp as you stagger, nearly dropping Jen. 

“Well that’s no way to greet your Captain,” Kirk smirks and smoothes his uniform. 

You glance nervously behind you, knowing Dr. McCoy isn’t far behind. 

Resecuring your hold on Jen, you blow past him. “Sorry, Captain!” you say over your shoulder. 

“He’s kinda cute...” Jen mutters as you continue down the hall. 

You roll your eyes and she catches it. 

“Hey, what’s wrong with that? It’s a compliment!” she weakly protests. 

Biting your lip, you decide now isn’t the time for a snarky reply. Behind you, you hear the turbolift’s doors begin to open. 

Finally reaching your room, you punch in your code. Down the hall, you hear Dr. McCoy yelling to Captain Kirk to stop you. The footsteps down the hall behind you grow louder. 

The door opens, and you slide in just in time. Jen winces as you drop her on the ground inside your quarters. 

“Sorry,” you say through grit teeth. You pull off the control panel next to the door. Expertly scanning the wires, you jerry-rig them, overriding the outside controls and successfully disconnecting the panel. The electricity from the wires pulses through your fingers, but you’re too distracted to notice the pain. 

Now the door could only open from the inside. 

Barely taking half a breath, you already hear footsteps outside your door. 

“Open up, Y/N!” Kirk calls. His voice is low and booming. A twinge of fear squeezes your heart as he bangs his fist against the door.

You hear Dr. McCoy’s muffled response, his voice much softer than Kirk’s. “Easy, Jim. They’re scared.”

Kirk ignores him. “Y/N, this is your captain speaking. Open the door,” Kirk orders, his voice hard.

You back up a little, your head spinning. 

“And this is your captain  _ shouting!  _ Open the damn door!” 

Jen looks up at the door and then at you. “Babe… someone’s at the… door.” Her voice is slow and slurred. 

“I know, sweetheart.” Ignoring the demands for entrance from both Dr. McCoy and Captain Kirk, you pick Jen up and lay her on the bed. 

“Do you feel ok?” 

“Why is it bad I called the captain cute?” She looks up at you, her electric blue eyes foggy and out of focus. 

“Because,” you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose and smiling. “I’m your girlfriend, and you’re a lesbian.”

“Ohhh…. I forgot...” 

You kiss her forehead, not worried about it. “Get some rest.” 

Pulling the covers of the bed up over her, you tuck her in. Once she falls asleep again, you go and sit on the couch across from her. 

“Gonna be an all-nighter tonight,” you whisper to yourself, waiting for your heart to stop pounding. Your eyelids heavy, you struggle to stay awake to watch over Jen and wait until Dr. McCoy and Kirk finally leave. 


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey, wake up sleepyhead.” You feel a warm hand on your arm, jiggling it lightly. 

Groaning, you open your eyes. Jen is standing over you, strands of her blonde hair sticking to her neck, wet from an apparent shower. A fluffy pink towel is wrapped around her.

“What time is it?” you ask as you sit up. One leg is hanging off the side, the other wedged between the cushions and the back of the couch. No matter how hard you try, you can never sit in chairs properly, and it’s obvious by your current position that it affects you in sleep as well. 

Jen sighs, “About 6:30ish.” 

Your eyes widen in realization. You need to be in engineering in an hour and a half. Though you try to get up, Jen stops you, resting a hand on your forearm.

“You’re not going anywhere till I take a look at those bruises.”

You try to protest, but Jen is already grabbing her med-kit from the closet. Kneeling next to you, she pulls out a tube of the same cream Dr. McCoy used on your forearms. 

“You could just use your powers.”

She looks up at you, and see the barely noticeable bags beneath her eyes, cleverly hidden by makeup. Guilt sucker-punches you. You hadn’t thought about how tired she might still be.

“I would, but…” Her voice trails off.

“It’s ok, I understand.”

Having expected the pain this time, you barely even wince as you struggle to pull your shirt up, even though nausea rolls over you.

Jen holds her hand up as if to tell you to stop. Gingerly, she takes her medical scissors and cuts the shirt off.

“Hey,” you groan weakly. “I liked that shirt!”

Instead of replying, Jen just stares at the purple and black bruises that cover your chest. 

“Did I do this?” Her voice is quiet. 

Gritting your teeth through the pain, you brush her cheek with your fingertips. 

“S’ok. It wasn’t your fault.” 

She swallows hard, her eyes full of pain and guilt.

The cool cream helps to numb the pain as Jen spreads it over your back and stomach. Your eyes dance over her body. The pink towel covers her short, curvy frame, and strands of her wavy hair fall around her collarbones. One piece is wrapped around her necklace, which used to be her mother’s.

“Good as new,” she sighs as the bruises fade. “Ya know,” Picking your shirt and shorts up off the floor, she motions to the door. “You may want to fix that at some point.” 

You stare at the mess you created late last night. Wires hung from the open panel, but it didn’t look like a hard fix. 

You sigh, running your hand through your hair. “Shower first, then yes.” 

The hot water pounds your back, seeping into your muscles. Leaning your head against the wall, you let the water stream down your skin. 

_ “Go, go, go!” _

_ Bombs explode around you. The sound is deafening. Hands shaking, you unsheath your swords. You’re about to leap into battle when another bomb hits, this one too close. Shrapnel tears into your skin as you’re flung across the field. You scream at the pain. Everything is numb and agonizing at the same time.  _

_ Another scream cuts through the darkness. You try to get to your feet, but your legs give out. Another bomb lights up the night sky and you can vaguely see one of your squadmates lying on the ground.  _

_ You drag yourself over. It’s only a few yards but it takes all your strength. You can’t tell if the darkness is from the night, or from the pain. Finally, you reach them. _

_ “H-hurts.” _

_ It’s Annie. She’s fought by your side for years. Her parents were some of the best air battalion fighters in the war, and she followed in their footsteps. She must’ve been shot down from the sky. _

_ “Annie,” you gasp. Blood spurts from her chest and drips out of her mouth. Judging by the odd angle of her wings, they’re broken.  _

_ “Please, m-make it s-stop.” A tear tracks through the dust on her cheek. Her face is drawn tight from agony.  _

_ You scream for a medic, but no one comes. Your voice is drowned out by the sounds of war. All around you, phoenixes fall from the sky, their screams echoing across the battlefield.  _

_ The yellow fire in Annie’s eyes begins to flicker. Desperate, you press your hands to her wound, but the blood continues to seep out. _

_ You choke out a sob. “It’s gonna be ok, Annie.” Pulling her head to your chest, you cradle her.  _

_ “It-it’s been an… an honor,” she rasps, coughing up specks of blood. Her final breath escapes her lips, and her eyes glaze over. _

_ You blink back tears. “The honor’s all mine.” _

Shaking, you shut off the water, ignoring the shampoo still stuck in your hair. You stare down at your hands, remembering the hot, sticky blood they were once drenched in. 

The carpet is soft on your feet as you step out of the shower. Wiping off the mirror, you stare at yourself. Red rims your eyes. You raise a shaky hand to your face. You didn’t even know you were crying.

“No such thing as a pretty crier, huh?” you joke.

Taking your towel, you dry off, careful to not rub your scar tissue too harshly. You’ve never told anyone, not even Jenna, but they still ache. 

Jen left your clothes on the counter, and you pull them on, not wanting to see your scars any longer than you have to. 

Closing the bathroom door behind you, you make your way to the door. It’s a quick fix, you realize, and eagerly grab your toolbox. Not a clean job, but given the circumstances you’re not surprised. 

As you fiddle with the wires, Jen pads across the floor to come up behind you, talking in your ear. “You gonna explain what happened or…” 

After a few moments, you shut the panel. Good as new. 

You turn towards her, your faces inches apart. “You had another night terror. It was bad…” 

Jen puts her fingertips underneath your chin, gently forcing you to make eye contact. Your heart skips a beat. She brushes your damp hair out of your eyes. “So you brought me to medbay?” Her bright blue eyes stare into your amber golden ones. Her soft features reflect her worry. Jen has known you since birth, and no matter how good you get at masking your emotions she’s always been able to tell when something is wrong. She glances down at your shaking hands. Gently, she takes them in hers.

“How’d you-” 

“I’m a doctor. I know when I’ve been drugged.” Rubbing her neck, Jen’s hand runs over an angry red spot where the hypo jabbed her. A playful smirk comes across her face. “Maybe a kiss would make it feel better…”

Tilting your head, you lean in and plant a kiss on the spot. 

“Does that make me a doctor now?”

Jen giggles. “God help us if  _ you  _ ever become a doctor.”

“Jeez, thanks,” you snort. She slides her hands down, at first resting them on your waistband, then moving them to the fly of your pants. She fiddles with the zipper. You swallow thickly, distracted.

Jen moves up onto her tiptoes and presses her lips to yours. You passionately return the kiss, letting your hands travel. You resist the urge to undo the back zipper on her uniform. Instead, you slide your hand up her leg and let it rest on her butt.

The two of you share a few breathless kisses as Jen uses your waistband to pull you closer. Her hand slips down inside your pants and explores, causing a little moan to escape your lips. Jen smiles as she kisses your neck, her breath hot on your skin. 

“What’s this for?” 

“This,” she says, “is for taking me to medbay, even though you hate that place.” 

Another wave of pleasure rolls over you and you struggle to speak. “You know me so well…”

“I ought to by now,” she says slyly. 

You pause for a moment. “Jen, you need to know something. The tricorder picked up on our energy signatures.”

Her eyes widen. “Do they know?”

“No. Dr. McCoy was the only one there, and he doesn’t know what to make of it. He doesn’t know what we are.” 

Jen lets out a breath. “We need to lay low for a while.” She twirls her hair with her other hand, a nervous tick of hers. 

“Agreed.” A smile twitches at the corner of your mouth. “Maybe we should stay here for the day?” 

A light laugh escapes her lips. “And do what?”

You grin, resting your hands on top of hers, still on your waistband.

She smiles and sighs softly, “As much as I would love that, we need to act normal. Don’t raise questions. If we miss our shifts then it’ll look suspicious.” 

You pout. “After all of that carrying you through the halls…” 

Jen raises her eyebrows. “Is that how we got back here?” 

You nod. “I ran with you when Dr. McCoy had his back turned.” Gesturing to the door, you say, “That’s why I jerry-rigged the panel. So they couldn’t get in.”

“They?”

“Well, the captain was there, too. You even called him cute as we ran by him.” 

Her face flushes. “Wow, those drugs must’ve done a number.”

“Yeah.” You scratch the back of your head, remembering her loose lips when she was talking with the doctor. “When he told you to not get up too fast you said you know because you went to Harvard.”

“Well, shit.” Jen broke away from you and sat on the freshly made bed. She began to twirl her hair again. 

Despite being older than anyone on the ship, you and Jen only look to be teenagers. Saying that you went to Harvard med school and graduated by seventeen is bound to raise suspicion.

“Look, he just thinks we’re strange, that’s all. Plus, you were drugged.”

Worry lines crease her face. In less than two minutes, she’s aged twenty years. Given how old both of you are, that isn’t much, but still. 

“I know that if we want a new life here, then we’d have to tell them eventually. That’s not a problem. It’s just-” She pauses, pushing her hair out of her face. “I wanted to plan this out. Together.” She squeezes your hand. 

“We’ll figure it out. I promise.” 

You both sit there quietly.

“Why don’t we grab something to eat before our shifts?” 

She nods. “It would be good to eat something after the sedative, since it reacts with the...” You stop listening as her “doctor voice” comes out and she rambles on.

“There’s my smart girl.”

Checking the time, you notice it’s 7:13 am. Both of your shifts start at 8:00. Jen gets up off the bed and offers her hand to you. Taking it, you both start to make your way to the mess hall for breakfast.


	4. Chapter 4

Once you get there, you carefully look around before entering, scanning for any sign of Dr. McCoy or the captain. You got lucky in the hallways, but luck can always run out.

Satisfied the coast is clear, you and Jen head over to the replicator. You start to order a coffee when she clears her throat behind you. 

“What?” you ask innocently. After staying up half the night, you’ve been craving the hard-earned caffeine. 

“Not with your heart rate, missy.” You swear she can just look at you and know when it’s even two beats above where it should be. She slides her small hand underneath yours and orders a glass of milk instead. 

You sigh and continue down the line with her. 

After completing your order, you find a quiet table for two in the corner. A perfect vantage point to observe the whole mess hall. With your back to the wall, you both eat but stay alert. 

Halfway through, you’ve nearly finished off your waffles and Jen is on the last spoonful of her yogurt. About to attack the final bite of your delicious breakfast when you feel a hand on your shoulder. 

“Shit!” you exclaim, your arm jolting and thus dropping your waffle back into a puddle of syrup with a sad splash. 

“That’s twice now. You don’t want to make a habit of that,” a voice chides. 

You and Jen look up to see Captain Kirk standing over your table, smirking. 

“What she  _ meant  _ to say,” Jen looks pointedly at you as if to say  _ ‘you were supposed to be watching!’ _ “is good morning, Captain.” 

You clear your throat and smile weakly at Kirk. “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

“You mind?” he asks, gesturing to the table. Before you can answer, he pulls up a chair and flips it around, sitting down. 

He pokes your waffle with your knife. “Those are good.” 

You nod your head in agreement, your heart rate quickening. Glancing at Jen, you see her twirling her hair between her slender fingers. The silver ring on her finger shines in the overhead light. You feel the light tap of your matching one hitting your leg as your hand flits nervously underneath the table. 

“Is there something we can help you with, Captain?” Jen asks, keeping her voice steady. Jen has always been good at keeping her nerves at bay. You, not so much. More hand flitting.

He exhales through his nose, scoffing. 

“Bones was pretty pissed last night.” Kirk’s blue eyes stare at you, half amused, half questioning. You feel exposed as you maintain eye contact, but you’re not willing to back down. 

“Well,” you sigh, releasing a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. “A lot of people get angry with me. I guess I just have one of those personalities.” You take a sip of milk.

“Look,” Kirk scoots the chair closer. By now, the mess hall is empty. No doubt everybody is at their stations. “as the captain, I need to know what’s going on on this ship. And I don’t know about you, but seeing two girls running away as my Chief Medical Officer chases them at two in the morning seems like something I should know about.”

Your brain whirs, trying to think of a way out. You wonder if he only knows about the hallway scene or if he knows about the medbay visit, too. Given the captain and the doctor’s close relationship, Kirk most likely knows about both. Which means he knows about Dr. McCoy’s discovery with the tricorder and possibly your scars.

Jen’s voice breaks your focus, and, thankfully, you and the captain’s eye contact. “Captain, I asked her to bring me back to our quarters.”

Kirk narrows his eyes at you a little longer, causing you to resist the urge to squirm in your seat. 

“Fine.” He runs a hand through his hair, and it sticks up in some places. “If you won’t tell me, then you’ll both need to report to medbay.” 

The thought of medbay makes your stomach roll. Jen’s eyes snap up to meet yours. Kirk’s usually soft eyes have hardened. There’s no getting out of this. Pursing your lips, you take a deep breath, trying to collect yourself. 

“Captain, I say this with the utmost respect, but we are  _ not  _ reporting to medbay.” 

“Well, I thought you’d say that.” Kirk pulls out his comm and flips it open. “Bones, can you come here?”

You look at Jen.  _ Should we run? _

She shrugs slightly and her eyes pan the room.  _ Where? There’s nowhere to go. _

A blue flash catches your attention. Dr. McCoy strolls into the mess hall. He must’ve been waiting outside to stop you both if you ran.

Glancing around the room, he sees the three of you in the corner and, upon recognizing you, frowns slightly. Your head feels like a balloon as the room begins to spin. 

_ Breathe, Y/N, breathe. _

“Jim, what the hell am I doing here?” He pulls a chair up next to Kirk. “I’m a doctor. I’m busy. I don’t have time to deal with juvenile delinquents.” Kirk was right. The doctor was a lot less gentle than how he had been last night, obviously not happy with your escaping and all. Yet, when he peered at you, his eyes seemed to soften slightly.

“We’re not delinquents,” Jen says, crossing her arms. 

“Delinquents would imply that we have broken the law in some way, shape, or form. Which we have not.” 

Dr. McCoy grumbles. “Oh, did you learn that at Harvard by any chance?”

“No,” you smile smugly, your anxiety temporarily easing. “MIT.”

_ Jen isn’t the only one with a doctorate around here,  _ you think to yourself.

Kirk laughs. You think, if sunlight could laugh it would sound like that. Light, warm, and relaxing. The tensions among the four of you decrease, even if only slightly. 

Dr. McCoy rolls his eyes at Kirk, but you can see a smile pull at the corners of his mouth. His dark hair is neatly combed and it slightly curled up like a wave at the front. Gold and rust flecks are scattered in his eyes. Guilt twists your stomach ever so slightly at the sight of the bags under his eyes. No doubt last night didn’t help with those. 

Seeing a chance to finish your waffle, you snatch up your fork and stab the last piece, half venting frustration and half out of hunger. Shoving it in your mouth, you look back up to see the three of them staring at you. 

“What?” you ask, swallowing it. Syrup dribbles down your chin.

Jen laughs. She reaches over and wipes away the syrup with a napkin. 

Dr. McCoy’s eyes crinkle as he smiles slightly. Silently, he puts his tricorder on the table. Jen rotates it to read the blinking screen, and judging by her facial expressions your scans are still on. You do your best to steady your breathing as panic bubbles in your chest once again. 

Kirk sighs again and runs his hand through his hair. “Look guys. Whatever you’re hiding, you need to tell us. You won’t get in trouble, but we need to know.” Your gut twists and suddenly you regret eating that bite of waffle. 

Dr. McCoy looks expectantly at you. 

When you say nothing, he reaches out and gently places a hand on your wrist. You do your best to keep your hands from shaking. 

_ Relax, Y/N. He won’t hurt you. He’s not like them. _

“Let’s talk outside.” 

“Bones!” Kirk protests as the doctor stands up and begins to walk you out of the mess hall.

Too dazed to really react, you feel your heart in your chest pounding with fear and your head begins to feel light. Even though you know full well you could break his arm clean in two and escape, you don’t want to hurt him. 

“Wait a second!” You hear chairs squeak behind you. Jen dashes up and tugs at his arm, breaking you free. “Don’t do that! You’ll cause her to have an attack!” Her hands fly out to grab his sleeve. Her voice is filled with protective anger. 

Kirk comes up behind you and lays a hand on your shoulder. You jump as your hands begin to shake uncontrollably. Kirk tries to ask you something, but you can’t hear him. The room begins to spin as you vaguely hear Jen yelling at Dr. McCoy. 

Feeling lightheaded, you begin to stumble. The floor sways beneath your feet.

“Jen…” Your heart rate is far too high. The pounding in your head gets louder and louder as your vision begins to tunnel. Your chest is on the verge of exploding from the pain.

Kirk quickly notices and grabs your arm to steady you. “Bones!” he yells. 

Both Jen and Dr. McCoy turn in time to see you fall to the floor, slumped against Kirk’s leg. The tile is cool against your feverish skin. 

Jen’s hands cup your face as she kneels in front of you. You see Dr. McCoy behind her, opening his medkit. Jen says something and he nods, pulling out a hypo. 

Time slows down. Everything seems  _ wrong _ . You blink slowly. Kirk’s hands on your back are the only thing keeping your limp form from splaying across the floor. 

Taking the hypo from the doctor, Jen tilts your head to the side and says something. Everything seems to go slower and it sounds as if you’re underwater. 

Dr. McCoy gently brushes your hair out of the way. It finally hits you what they’re about to do. 

Feebly thrashing, Dr. McCoy and Kirk hold you in place. Your eyes widen in panic, not wanting to be injected with the hypo.

_ Not again. They can’t hurt me again. _

You try to shout, to say something, but it only comes out as a groan. Freeing your legs from the doctor’s strong grip, you kick chairs in an attempt to escape. Adrenaline and fear pulse through your veins as you push Kirk back. 

Jen says something and tries to get to your neck. You pull back and she misses. 

Your heart is about to burst through your ribcage, and you reach a hand up to it as pain shoots through you. You begin to pant and gasp. Clawing at your throat, you feel it close up. There are fireworks in your chest, about to go off. Light sparks in front of your eyes.

_ Please don’t hurt me. _

You lock eyes with Jen as you try to crawl away. She blinks, and they light up with blue fire. A cloud of shimmering blue flames and light encircles her hands. Reaching two fingers out to your forehead, she touches you and everything goes black.


	5. Chapter 5

Waves of sound cut through the darkness. Voices, squeaks of metal, someone groaning. Someone screaming.

You vaguely hear a beeping off to your right as your eyes open. A bright light above you causes you to squint. 

“Lights 60%,” Dr. McCoy says. He’s standing above you, tricorder in his hand. “How do you feel?” His voice is soft and low. 

Your mouth feels like cotton and you have to move your tongue around for a second before you can speak. “I’m fine,” you say though it’s far from the truth. Your chest throbs. It’s as if you had open-heart surgery without painkillers. 

“Like hell you are,” he grunts. “Your heart rate was at 264 bpm. Which is apparently high even for your kind.” 

You hang on the words ‘your kind’ as your brow furrows. The doctor sighs. “Jenna explained everything after her…” He motions in the air. “Light show.”

Your head feels like it weighs a ton. “I don’t und-” 

“I had to.” 

You turn, having not noticed Jen in the chair next to you. 

She pours a cup of water and plops a straw in. “Sip, don’t chug.” She holds it up to your lips. 

You try to swat it away, but your arm feels as though it’s full of cement. “I’m fine,” you insist. 

“Drink.” The two doctors order.

You look at both of them and decide it’s useless to fight. Reluctantly, you take a sip and feel the cold water course through your body.

The room is a sterile white and smells of a doctor’s office. Judging by the closed door and the quietness, you’re in a private room somewhere in the medbay. A light hospital gown covers you but there’s no sign of your clothes. 

You gesture to the gown. “How long have I been here?” 

“Roughly three hours.” Dr. McCoy says. He puts a cool hand to your forehead, checking your temperature. You flinch involuntarily. To your surprise, however, panic doesn’t overtake you. Instead, a calmness seems to weaken your muscles and dull your senses.

_ Drugs,  _ you muse to yourself.

“How is it?” Jen asks, squeezing your hand.

“Not bad. It’s gone down a lot,” he replies, checking some other monitors as well.

Jen nods her head. “The mix of my abilities and the medicine should keep her heart rate down and prevent another attack. Her temperature should stay down, too.” 

Dr. McCoy smiles at her and looks at you. “She’s smart, ya know. Without her, you’d probably be dead.”

It takes you a second to process what he’s saying. “Well I mean, somebody has to have a brain cell in this relationship. As for the near-death experience…” You give them a hard look. “I’m  _ fine _ .” 

Captain Kirk walks in. “Trust me, Y/N, that won’t stop Bones from worrying. I’ve tried.” 

Dr. McCoy rolls his eyes and slowly nods in confirmation. “That’s ‘cause you’re always doing stupid crap, Jim.” 

Kirk smirks and winks at you. 

Patting Jim’s shoulder, Dr. McCoy leads him outside, giving you and Jen some alone time. 

“So you told them?” you ask as soon as the door closes. “Is it ok with the Council?”

You and Jen were “pureblood” as they call it back home, and have trained together since the beginning. You fought the war together, side by side, Jen a field doctor and you a soldier. Even when your parents were killed, you got each other through the hard nights and kept each other going. 

She brushes your hair gently. “I didn’t tell them why we’re here, only that we’re not human.” You breathe a little easier at hearing that. Even though it’s discouraged, that technically doesn’t break any rules since both of you are no longer active in the service. “Besides, it’s happened before to others.” Her blue eyes are stormy.

It takes all of your strength, but with a little help from Jen, you sit up.

“Hey,” you say softly, hand in hers. 

She smiles and you can’t help but grin back. Leaning in, Jen softly kisses your forehead. 

You separate when you hear Kirk clear his throat. “Sorry to interrupt.”

Jen smiles sheepishly, and your face burns. You didn’t hear him nor the doctor come back in.

“So,” Kirk sits on the end of your bed. “This all makes a hell of a lot more sense now.” 

McCoy grunts in agreement as he scans you with the tricorder.

You nod. “Sorry we had to hide it.” You keep it short and simple as to not allude to anything else, still not knowing exactly what Jen said. 

“Well, as much as I don’t appreciate it.” He gives another one of his brilliant smiles. “I think I can manage to forgive you guys. As for Bones…”

Dr. McCoy looks at Jim. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever,” he grumbles, though his kind eyes betray him. 

“He’ll get over it,” Kirk reassures.


	6. Chapter 6

Over the next few months, you and Jen connect with the crew. Tonight is trivia night with the bridge crew, which excites you the most. You’ve always loved trivia and other games. When you and Jen were little, you’d compete all the time, you dominating Battleship while she destroyed you in Operation.

“Alright, folks. ” Kirk stands, holding up a PADD. “Here are the teams: Sulu and Uhura, Chekov and I, Y/N and Scotty, Jen and Keenser, and…” He smiles mischievously at Bones.

“Aw hell no…” McCoy mutters, realization dawning on him. “No way in hell, Jim!”

“Bones and Spock,” Kirk finishes.

Everyone laughs. You and Jen had quickly learned that Dr. McCoy and Spock aren’t exactly best buds.

McCoy opens his mouth to say something, but Spock beats him to it. “Doctor, given the number of people here, this was inevitable.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it…” he grumbles. 

Kirk ignores him. Scotty plops into the seat next to you, smiling. “Ready, lassie?” You nod, grinning.

“First category: history.” 

_ Oh yeah. _

“What year was the Chrysseri Crisis?”

You slap the PADD in front of you, letting Kirk know you have an answer.

“Y/N beat Spock by .67 seconds.” He grins at you. “Go ahead.”

“June 3rd, 2087.” 

“Point for Scotty and Y/N!”

The game continues for a few hours. Sulu got over four points off of plant questions alone. McCoy and Jen competed almost one v one when the topic turned to medicine, and Spock swept all the math questions. Kirk essentially carried his team since Chekov kept getting distracted by going on rants about how Russia invented everything. 

The holographic clock read 1:02 am. “Alright, time for bed.” McCoy gets up from his seat in the back. 

“Doctor, just a little longer?” Chekov’s words are slurred from too much of Mr. Scott’s Alderbaran whiskey. 

“C’mon, Bones, it’s Friday night,” Kirk says as he slowly takes Chekov’s glass. The Russian tries to get it back, but Kirk gives him a look. 

“No, you’re done Pavel.” 

Chekov’s blushy face crumbles. He gives his best puppy eyes, but Kirk won’t budge. Instead, he passes the glass to Spock. 

“Doctor, it does seem like this dismissal is unnecessary given the fact that it will be the weekend tomorrow and we have no current assignments.” Spock had shifted closer to Uhura during the game, and she now has her arm interlocked with his. Chekov stumbles a little and reaches for the glass, but Spock simply hands it off to Uhura.

McCoy glances around the room, his eyes finally falling on the linguist. 

“Don’t look at me,” she replies. “I’m just here till the alcohol runs out.”

Sulu smirks. “Which is gonna happen soon with the way you’re drinking.” 

She playfully smacks him in response, and, upon Chekov’s approach, passes the glass to him.

“You can’t do zis,” Chekov weakly protests as he makes a grab for the glass and completely misses. Scotty laughs, taking it from Sulu, and gently pushes Chekov onto the couch so that he sits between you and Scotty. 

“You’ve had plenty, lad.” 

“Y/N?” Chekov gives you the puppy eyes. Scotty passes you the glass as everyone looks at you expectantly.

You begin to fill it up with the Scotch at your table. McCoy starts to protest, but you smile at him. 

“You’ve had enough, Chekov.” You say, downing the shot. 

Everyone begins to laugh. 

“You guys are mean…” Chekov, defeated, leans against Scotty and starts to snore. McCoy walks over and scoops the kid up. 

“I’ll bring him to his quarters. When I come back, I expect all of you to be gone.” 

Sulu rolls his eyes. “Yes, mom.”

After McCoy leaves, you turn to the rest of the group. “This happen often?” 

Scotty nods. “Wee lad canne hold his liquor to save his life.”

“If I remember correctly, Captain, you were supposed to be watching how much he drank.” Uhura looks at Kirk pointedly. 

Kirk’s hands fly up in defense. “Hey, I took the glass away, didn’t I?”

Sulu snorts. “After he got wasted.”

Jen clears her throat and looks at you. “I think it’s time we head to bed.” 

You sigh, “Alright…” You clean up your space and shut the PADD off. After getting up, you and Jen head to the door. 

“Wait a sec,” Jen turns to Kirk. “Who won?”

He smirks, looking at you. “Scotty and Y/N.” 

“Fuck yeah!” you exclaim as Scotty gets up to give you a high five. 

“Jeez, what is it with you and bad language?” Kirk chuckles. 

You smirk. “What can I say? I’m Irish.”

“That does not explain the use of such profanity,” Spock says. “It only-” He stops as Uhura puts a finger to his lips. His face blushes green. 

Jen rolls her eyes. “Night guys.”


	7. Chapter 7

“That was fun,” Jen says breezily as you enter your room. 

You laugh, “Yeah, especially poor Chekov.” 

“Laugh all you want, but I’ve seen you wasted like that before and it was  _ hilarious. _ ”

“I imagine it was,” you say, pulling off your uniform top. “Pretty sure I need to take a shower to get the smell of alcohol off me, though.”

Jen hums in agreement. She slips off her uniform and tosses it in the laundry hamper as she makes her way to the bathroom. Your clothes quickly join hers. The soft carpet is a welcome change from the hard floors of the halls. Inside the closet is a shoe rack, where you place your black engineering boots. 

In the bathroom, water patters against the inside of the shower. Steam begins to billow out into the room. Entering the bathroom, you pull the curtain aside and join Jen.

“‘Bout time,” she teases. Her shampoo bottle in hand, she looks at you expectantly. 

You press your body to hers, her butt against your thighs. Humming, you massage the strawberry scented shampoo into her hair, making sure not to let your fingers tangle in her locks. Once the shampoo is thick and foamy, you slide your hands down to Jen’s waist and pull her back so that the water rinses it out. The white foam slides down the drain. 

Without a word, she opens the bottle of your body wash. Though the company went out of business over a hundred years ago, you had learned to replicate your favorite scent. The smell of Old Spice competes against the sweet strawberry. 

Most of the water hits Jen’s head and neck, rather than her back like it did with you, but she doesn’t care. She gently rubs your back as she works the wash over your skin. Her fingertips trace the scars, but not in the cold, surgical sort of way that makes you so uncomfortable. Rather, her touch is gentle and intimate. Her hands reach your shoulders, where she massages the always-tense muscles. 

“Babe…” 

“Hmm?”

“You need to relax.” 

You nod, leaning your head on the shower wall. After a few minutes, Jen’s hands move from your shoulders down to your butt. In the spacious shower, you have plenty of room to turn and face her. She smiles up at you, getting up on her tip-toes for a kiss. Her hands cupping your butt, she pulls you under the water with her. Water drips down your face and into your mouth as your lips crash against hers. Jen’s hands slide over your wrists, and she pushes you up against the shower wall, pinning your hands above your head. You plant kisses on her collarbone and neck as her fingers trace your inner thighs.

“Out?”

“Definitely.”

You reach past her and shut off the water. Two towels are in the cupboard above the toilet. Jen throws you your black one as she begins to dry off with her fluffy pink one. 

Out of habit, you pull on undergarments after drying off. Flopping on the bed, you wait for Jen. The pink towel is thrown into the hamper as Jen crosses the room to join you. Excitement rolls through you at the sight of her bare body. 

Legs tangled, she lays her head on your chest. For the first time in a while, you allow yourself to fully relax, first starting with your leg muscles, then your core, then, finally, your shoulders and neck. A few deep breaths help you to relieve the ever-present pressure in your chest. 

For a while, you and Jen simply lay there, eyes closed and breathing relaxed. Then, your fingers begin to dance on her bare back. In response, she slips her hands down to your bra. To help her take it off, you slowly roll to the side. Her cool fingers slip up, unclipping it. Slowly, you raise your arms a little as she slips it off, throwing it to the side. You don’t see where it lands, but it’s definitely not the hamper. 

She grins up at you, causing excitement to bubble in your chest. She rolls you over and gets up on her knees in front of you. Her hands slide down to your underwear, and she playfully tugs on it. Before pulling it off, she looks at you for permission.

Propping yourself up on your elbows, you kiss her in response. She smiles into the kiss as she tugs again, prompting you to raise your butt. The underwear slips down your long, toned legs. Like your bra, it lands somewhere other than the hamper. 

Now with nothing separating you from her, she has full access. Slowly, her lips go from your neck to your breasts, playfully twisting the nipples. She gingerly placed a kiss on a sweet spot on your stomach. Her fingers dance down to your thighs, causing a new wave of arousal to roll over you. Finally, she lands at your entrance. You hold onto her, one hand on her butt, the other buried in her thick hair. Her blue eyes lock with yours, and you smirk.

“Whaddya waiting for?”


	8. Chapter 8

You grunt as you try to get a good angle to tighten a bolt. Your legs shake as they struggle to balance on the ledge you’re practically clinging to. Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott asked you this morning if you’d help him repair a damaged turbolift shaft. Now you’re regretting your decision.

“You doing ok, lassie?” The Scotsman calls up to you from the bottom of the shaft thirty feet below. 

“Fine, thanks,” you manage to say around the screwdriver in your mouth. 

A creaking above you makes your heart skip a beat. 

“Lassie, was that you?” Scotty’s voice is tight.

“No, sir.” You squint at the turbolift hanging above your head, scanning the locks that hold it in place for any signs of giving out.

Mr. Scott follows your gaze. “Why don’t you come on down, lassie?” Concern fills his voice. 

You sign and begin your careful descent down. “I’m sure it’s fine, sir,” you say as you kneel over and gather your equipment, placing them in your toolbox. 

“And I agree lassie, but the last thing we need down here is somebody getting squashed by a turbolift.” 

You laugh, knowing he’s right. Engineering has been crazy these past few weeks. It feels as though the universe is punishing you and Jen for telling Kirk and Dr. McCoy about what you really are, even if that was over a month ago. 

Another groan from above has Mr. Scott step into the shaft with you and, hand on your back, he begins to lead you out to safety. You roll your eyes, not enjoying being treated like a little kid.

_ I was alive when your great great great grandmother was born,  _ you huff, thinking to yourself.

A few feet from the shaft, you stop and cross your arms. “I’m sure I would’ve been fine.” 

Mr. Scott turns to you. “Look, lassie, I just want-”

He’s cut off by a loud screeching.

Snapping your head up, you see the turbolift barreling down towards you both. 


	9. Chapter 9

You barely have enough time to bring your hands above your head. The full weight of the turbolift hits you like a truck. If your legs had been a few inches closer together, they would’ve collapsed underneath you. 

Groaning, you blink as dust from above falls down the shaft, clouding your vision. You feel the turbolift resting on your shoulders, forcing you into an Atlas-like position. 

As your vision clears, you see Mr. Scott on the ground next to you. “Mr. Scott? Scotty!” You’re stuck frozen in your position out of fear of the turbolift falling further. His body is half in the shaft, half out. He must’ve tried to jump to safety.

After a few seconds, he groans and his eyes flutter open. As he turns over, you see blood stream from his nose and given the odd angle it’s at, you realize it’s broken. A cut on his head oozes blood into one of his eyes and down his cheek. 

“Lassie?” he mumbles. 

“Hey, it’s me. You ok?” There’s nobody else around since everybody is on break. It’s just you and Mr. Scott.

He touches the cut on his head, hissing in pain. “I’m fine.” He looks up to you and his eyes go wide. 

“Holy mother of-” 

“Not now, Mr. Scott,” you groan under the weight. Though you’re built pretty strong, with naturally broad shoulders and muscles from years of training, the two-ton turbolift digs into your back. Not being able to use your powers with Mr. Scott present tells you time is of the essence.

He nods, still in shock. “We gotta get out of here, lassie,” he groans, sitting up.

“Agreed, but you’re not going anywhere on your own.” A shard of jagged metal sticks out of his thigh and a river of blood flows down his pant leg. 

Mr. Scott’s face goes pale upon seeing it. You know you have to get him to the medbay as soon as possible. 

“Ok,” You take a deep breath, trying to think of Jen’s calming voice. “You see my comm on my hip?” 

He drags himself over to you, blood streaking on the shaft floor behind him. He reaches to grab it. 

“Careful now,” you warn. “You hit my leg and this thing comes down on us both.” 

The Scotsman gulps, glancing nervously up at the turbolift hanging a foot above his head. Hands shaking, he grabs the comm.

“You like the gym, eh lassie?” he chuckles a little. You can’t tell if the joke is caused by nerves or blood loss.

“Something like that,” you say, trying to regulate your breathing. 

“This is Scotty to medical. I’m in engineering. We need help.” His voice is shaking only slightly, but you can see the fear in his eyes. 

“What’s the problem?” A gruff voice answers. You recognize it as Dr. McCoy. 

“The turbolift… it came down on us. We’re trapped.” 

Dr. McCoy’s voice is more urgent this time. “On our way!” 

Mr. Scott’s head leans against the wall, his face glistening with a sheen of sweat. “Thanks, lassie.” 

“Don’t thank me yet,” you say, looking at his leg wound. You have no idea how long it’ll take for help to arrive, especially this far in the engine room. “You need to get out of here.” 

He looks up at you. “No way in hell am I leavin’ yeh here!” 

Grunting under the weight, you’re not in the mood for a debate. “Mr. Scott, please.” Once he’s gone, you’ll be able to use your full powers, but you don’t have much time.

“I’m a Scotsman, lassie, I can take the-” 

He’s cut off when something metal falls on top of the turbolift from above, adding more weight and making him jump.

The slight movement was enough to send him into a world of pain. He yells out and grabs his leg. The blood has soaked the whole pant leg. In a few seconds, though, his body relaxes a little. “That wasn’t that bad,” He chuckles, even though you know he’s lying. His face is strained from the pain. 

The doors to the engine room open, and you can hear Dr. McCoy’s footfalls. Another pair joins them, and you realize their Jenna’s.

“Y/N?!” Jenna shouts your name. 

“In here!”

Their footsteps grow louder as they approach. As they round the corner, relief washes over you at the sight of them.

“My God.” Dr. McCoy stares at you as you continue to hold up the lift.

You lock eyes with Jen. “Get Mr. Scott out of here! He has metal stuck in his leg and he’s lost a lot of blood.”

Jen cautiously enters the shaft, bent at the hip, and pauses to look at you. Beads of sweat run down your face. 

You give her a slight nod, assuring her you’ll be ok. Taking a deep breath, her face goes serious. 

“Mr. Scott, I’m going to pick you up, ok? This may hurt,” she warns, her voice calm. 

He laughs a little. “You canne be serious?! I’m way too heavy for ya.” 

Jen exhales, no doubt reminding herself that he sees both of you as normal teenage girls.

“Wrap your arms around my neck,” she orders, leaning forward. Mr. Scott’s rough hands cling to her neck as she slips one arm underneath his knees and the other supporting his back. Swiftly, she scoops him up and makes her way out of the shaft. 

Dr. McCoy’s arm steadies her as she steps up to safety. Tricorder out, he begins scanning Mr. Scott for internal injuries.

“Don’t worry about me.” He swats at the tricorder. “Get ‘er outta there!” 

“Just relax, Scotty,” Dr. McCoy soothes him. 

“You don’t understand!” he cries. “The whole thing will fall on top of ‘er!” 

“Close your eyes,” Jen tells Mr. Scott. A soft blue glow reflects off the walls and seeps into the shaft as Jen heals his head injuries and a broken nose. 

Upon discovering Jen’s skills as a doctor, Dr. McCoy asked her to work alongside him and they’d apparently become close over the past few months. You, Kirk, Jen, and Dr. McCoy would sometimes eat dinner together in the mess hall. Just how Jen and Dr. McCoy had become good friends, you and Kirk got along well. Both of you shared that love of adventure and loveable recklessness that would always cause Jen and Dr. McCoy to roll their eyes. 

You hear the two doctors working together on Mr. Scott’s wounds. 

“Guys… I hate to be a pisser but I could really use some help here.” You grit your teeth. The turbolift seems to have gotten twice as heavy.

“Hey, Scotty?” Kirk’s voice echoes through the room as he enters, apparently not yet seeing what’s going on.

“Scotty-” His voice cuts off and you hear his footsteps dash across the floor. “What the hell happened?!” 

“Jim, we need to get Scotty to medbay…” The doctor trailed off. 

“Then why aren’t you?” 

“Because Y/N’s still in the shaft and these bloody idiots won’t let me help her!” Mr. Scott yells. You’ve been working side by side with Mr. Scott for a month now, and he’s begun to see you as a younger sister.

Kirk looks over at the shaft. “Holy shit…” he mutters softly, seeing you hold up the turbolift. 

“Kirk, ignore Mr. Scott. I’m fine. Get him to medbay. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and have to be chief engineer.” You try to laugh to relieve tension, but you end up groaning in pain. Your legs continue to shake, threatening to give out any second.

“Like hell we’re leaving you here,” Dr. McCoy yells to you. He’s holding Mr. Scott upright, who is becoming increasingly pale. 

“Jenna, can you remove the metal safely?” Kirk asks, looking down at her as she keeps pressure on Mr. Scott’s leg wound. 

She nods. “I can, but…” She trails off, glancing between you and Mr. Scott. “Y/N’s right. He needs to be in medbay.” 

Dr. McCoy grunts in reluctant agreement. 

“I’ll stay with Y/N, you bring Mr. Scott to medbay.” 

“Jim-” 

“Bones, you said it yourself. He needs to get to medbay.”

Mr. Scott’s blood starts to make a tiny puddle on the floor. 

Jen tilts her head at you. Worry lines creasing her face.  _ You gonna be ok? _

You muster up a smile.  _ I’ll be fine.  _ Once Mr. Scott is gone, you know you’ll be able to use your full powers.

With that, Jen picks Mr. Scott back up. Dr. McCoy and her run through the doors to medbay.

“They gone?” you ask.

Kirk nods, still trying to take in the scene in front of him. He pulls out his comm to call for backup, but you tell him to stop.

Now that you know Mr. Scott is no longer watching, you tell Kirk to step back.

“Why?”

You ignore him and close your eyes, taking a deep breath. When you open them again, they burn with golden flames.

You feel the power course through your body, a little restless to get out. Taking another breath, your hands light up, sparkling golden flames encircling your forearms. 

Kirk’s blue eyes look as though they’re about to pop out of his head. He stumbles backward. 

You slowly push upwards. Now with full access to your strength, the turbolift weighs next to nothing.

Your arms fully extended above your head, you count down. 

“Back up!” you warn. Kirk steps back further. 

“One… two…” On three, you shove the turbolift upwards and jump. Landing on your chest, you clear the shaft and rest on the floor just in time to hear an earth-shattering boom of the turbolift hitting the bottom of the shaft. 

Kirk rushes beside you. “Y/N? You ok?” 

He’s about to touch your arm. “Don’t!” you yelp, not wanting him to get burned. 

He pulls his hand back. The bright light of the flames reflects against his eyes and lights up the whole engine room. 

You slowly rise and give Kirk a small smile. Now that you’re in the spacious engine room, you allow him to see your true form.

On your back, your wings shimmer as they materialize. Fully opened, they’re almost forty feet in diameter and their shadow spreads out across the engine room floor. Their feathers match the color of your fiery eyes. Flames spread across them like a match dropped in a puddle of gasoline. 

Two large silver swords adorn your back, crossed and ready for battle. The same brand on your forearm is engraved on their hilts.

Slowly raising your hands, you stand a safe distance away as you raise the turbolift up off the floor of the shaft. Metal screeches and creaks. A soft amber force shimmers in the air, surrounding the turbolift. Bringing your hands together, the turbolift crushes in on itself. Confident it can fit through the shaft, you pull your arms back, the remnants of the turbolift landing on the ground inches away from you and Kirk’s feet, crushed down to half its original size. 

The room glows with golden light. The brand on your right forearm burns underneath your uniform, softly pulsing. 

Satisfied the turbolift is no longer a danger, you take a deep breath and close your eyes, allowing the power to leave. 

Your wings shimmer and disappear along with your swords. You blink away the flames, and your arms, though hot to the touch, are back to normal, the last bits of fire blinking out in the air around you, like hot ashes rising into the night.

You turn around. Kirk is standing there, mouth hanging open. 

“When were you gonna tell me you’re an angel?!” 

“I’m not an angel,” You say, voice low. Rolling up your sleeves, your still-warm brand is exposed for him to see. “I’m a phoenix.” 


	10. Chapter 10

You swirl the amber liquid in your glass around before taking it down in one gulp. 

Kirk raises his eyebrows.

“You may wanna slow down a little, Y/N. This is your fourth shot, and I am  _ not  _ carrying you back to your quarters.” The captain smirks.

You smile up at him. “Phoenixes can’t get drunk. Not with this stuff.”

The two of you sit in a private lounge, no doubt off limits to the majority of the crew. The past few days have been weird. Mr. Scott made a full recovery. Dr. McCoy and Kirk lied to him, assuring him that what he had seen was due to serious blood loss and his concussion. 

Explaining the phoenix life had been complicated at first. Kirk and Dr. McCoy both reacted well enough; Kirk was fascinated by the stories you and Jen told, while Dr. McCoy more so enjoyed the liquor that accompanied the explanations. 

“So, how old  _ are _ you exactly?” Kirk asks, downing another shot. 

“I was born in 2002,” you say matter-of-factly. 

Kirk chokes on his drink. 

You laugh a little. “To you guys, that’s pretty old. But for us, we’re teens.” 

He looks you up and down. “So that’s why you look like you’re… what? Sixteen? Seventeen?”

Nodding, you pour yourself another glass. Jen and Dr. McCoy are working a late shift in the medbay, leaving you and Kirk alone.

“What about your parents?” 

You freeze, the whiskey bottle hovering above your glass.

_ “Y/N, come on sweetheart we gotta go or you’re gonna be late.” A tall woman stands in the doorway, a white floral patterned dress hugging her figure.  _

_ A young girl is standing in the middle of the bright pink bedroom, half stuck in a black uniform top.  _

_ “Mommy!” she cries. “I can’t get it on!”  _

_ Her mother sighs and crosses the room, pulling the top over the little girl’s head and freeing her long brown hair from underneath.  _

_ “Better?” The woman kisses the girl’s forehead.  _

_ “My wings hurt,” The girl whines, rubbing her back. Two short, fluffy wings protrude from slits in her uniform.  _

_ A man leans in the doorway. He plants a kiss on the kneeling woman’s head and scoops the little girl up. “That’s because you’re growing to be big and strong!”  _

_ The girl smiles broadly, front teeth missing. “Like you and mommy?”  _

_ The woman smiles up at her husband. “Yes, just like Daddy and I.”  _

_ The girl looks at her mother and buries her face into her father’s chest. “I don’t want you to leave.” She cries softly in her father’s arms.  _

_ The father looks down sympathetically, rubbing the girl’s back. “We’ll be back before you know it. For now, you need to go to flight school and begin your training.”  _

_ “But why are you leaving again?” the girl whines, tears rolling down her face.  _

_ “Because,” the mother sighs, taking a finger and wiping away the tears. “they need us to.” _

_ “ _ I  _ need you!”  _

_ “There are thousands of little boys and little girls out there, just like you, waiting for their parents to come home.” The father says. “Your mommy and I want to help them.”  _

_ The girl sniffles. “But why?” _

_ “Because we believe in second chances.” _

“Y/N?” Kirk’s voice brings you out of the past. 

You clear your throat and look back up at him. “Sorry… my parents, they…” You pause, a lump forming in your throat. 

He reads the pain written on your face. “I’m sorry…” Kirk says softly. 

You purse your lips, no longer in the mood for a drink. “They went off to fight in the war and they never came home.” You force the words out, one by one, choking on them.

A deafening silence fills the room. 

“Was it the same war you and Jenna fought in?” 

You peer up at him, confused and taken aback. Over the short course of time you’ve known Kirk, you never mentioned the war. 

“Bones told me about the scars.” 

You suck in a breath. Talking about your parents was already painful enough. 

Glancing at the clock, you stand. “I think it’s time for me to head back.” 

Kirk’s arm touches yours, right above your brand. “I-I didn’t mean to overstep.”

You flinch. Gulping, you lower yourself back into your seat. 

After a minute or so, you begin to talk again. “Jen became a doctor, just like her mother and father before her. You’ve seen her abilities. She comes from a family of healers.” 

Kirk puts his chin in his hand, all of his attention on you. 

“Jen and I were six years old when our combat training began. Two years after that…” You pause. “My- uh, my parents were killed.” You take a deep breath, hesitant. “Jen’s father and mother died when the enemy ambushed their field hospital two weeks later.” 

_ You wake up, the sound of wailing echoing in your ears. Barely pulling on your boots, you rush outside. Arriving at Jenna’s home, you slowly push the door open.  _

_ You see your best friend, crumbled on the floor and shaking, tears streaming down her face. Her pigtails were half fallen out. _

_“What happened?” you ask, skidding down onto the floor next to her, holding her in your arms._

_ Movement catches your eye. A few feet away stand two men in phoenix uniforms, identical to the two officers who arrived at your door not two weeks ago, informing you of your parents’ deaths. _

_ “Oh-oh God.”  _

_ Nodding cordially, they carefully step around you and Jen and, in a great flash of fire and light, fly off. _

“Normally, phoenixes begin training around fifteen. But with the war slaughtering so many of our kind…” You shrug. “They needed the numbers.”

“They?” 

“The Council of Phoenixes.” You swallow. There’s no rule against sharing information about the phoenix life after retirement, but it’s always been secretive. Rarely have phoenixes told their stories to a human, and only once has a human seen a phoenix’s death. Johannes Kepler had one hell of a night.

“Who was the enemy?”

You swirl the last drops of whiskey around in your glass. “Ourselves.” 

Confusion crosses Kirk’s face. “A civil war?” he breathes. 

“Yeah.” Anger burns in your eyes. Some of your own neighbors joined the enemy. “It was brother against brother. Whole families, torn apart by the destruction it caused.” You pause. “Including Jen and I’s.” 

“What did the enemy want?”

You scoff. “They wanted to reveal themselves.”

Kirk’s eyebrows raise as he lets out a low whistle. 

You roll your eyes at his dirty thinking. “Not like that. They wanted to unite as a species and annihilate all other races. Their leader was bitter. He lost nearly everything helping humans, fighting  _ your  _ battles. He was done. He saw a future for Phoenixes where he felt they could get the benefits of their labor.”

“So what stopped you?’

Tilting your head at Kirk, you peer at him. “From taking over?” you scoff. “It’s hypocritical. We swore an oath. We are guardians. Protectors. Long ago, our people suffered as we faced near extinction from enemies all around us. Is it right of us to cause the same pain?”

“Dog eat dog,” Kirk shrugs. 

“You don’t understand. It was determined long ago that we are to protect humans, and, as you discovered the rest of the universe around you, we became guardians for  _ all  _ races. By following him, we would have gone against everything it means to be a Phoenix.”

Kirk looks up at you, blue eyes sparkling. “What about your culture?”

You smile, knowing his love of discovery. “When we first arrived on Earth centuries ago, our first encounter with humans was with a group of Vikings. As their numbers began to dwindle, we took them with us.”

Kirk’s brow furrows but realization soon hits him. “Greenland?”

You nod, smiling. “As the ‘Little Ice Age’, as your people call it, came about, we knew they wouldn’t be able to survive. Thus, my ancestors brought them along to our new home. Over time, their traditions became ingrained in our people. The Vikings live on, Kirk. Just not as you would think. 

“But why call yourselves phoenixes?”

“That came from their belief that one day, the Vikings would once again return to their home. That they would rise up once more to become the people they used to be. However, when Erik the Red died, that dream died with him. We are no longer conquerors, Kirk. But I assure you, we are still fighters.” After a moment, you give him a wry smile. “After all, do you really think Hitler’s death was a suicide?”

He looks up at you, awestruck. 

“Phoenix is the closest translation in your language. We all have two names, our phoenix names, and our English names. My English name is Y/N, but my phoenix name is Y/P/N.”

“Wow, that’s uhh…”

You nod. “A little unpronounceable? Yeah. Which is why we use our English names.”

He opens his mouth to speak when the door to the lounge opens as Jen and Dr. McCoy walk in. 

“I see you started without us,” Dr. McCoy grumbles, inspecting the near-empty whiskey bottle in front of you. 

Jen joins you at the bar, smoothing her blue science uniform dress underneath her as she sits. she crosses her long legs. “Break your record yet?” 

You laugh, feeling a little better now that she’s here. “Not even close!”

“What record?” Kirk looks between you and Jen. Dr. McCoy brings out another bottle from beneath the bar. 

“Her shot record! She holds it back home.” Jen playfully punches your arm. 

“Record, huh?” Dr. McCoy smirks. “How many did ya get?” 

You mutter something. 

“What was that?” His eyes are playful. 

“47.” 

Dr. McCoy’s eyes go wide. “No way in hell…” 

Jen laughs. “It’s true!” 

“I’ve seen her drink, Bones. She’s had five already.” 

Dr. McCoy looks you up and down, taking in your small figure. “Is that part of the whole-” He flaps his hands around in the air. “Abilities thing?” 

You chuckle. “Yeah, it takes a hell of a lot longer to get drunk.” 

“Well, don’t clean out the bar,” Jen chides, taking your glass. 

Dr. McCoy pours Jen a drink. He looks at Kirk and offers, but he waves the doctor away, saying he’s had enough for the night. 

It’s quiet for a few minutes. 

“So why are you here?” 

Thankfully, Jen answers. “We needed a fresh start.”

Dr. McCoy pulls a chair out and sits next to Kirk. His voice is gentle. “Why?” 

You keep your eyes to the floor, letting Jen explain. 

She pauses before answering. “The Phoenix life… it’s not easy.” She twirls her hair. 

_ Not easy is an understatement.  _ You muse. The Phoenix life had become too much for you and Jen. After the war, it was hard to go back to regular training. Many of the phoenixes of your generation suffered, not knowing how to go back to normal life. Quite a few were forced to retire, too damaged to be fit for duty.

During that time, you rose to the rank of Lieutenant Commander and assisted in the training of young phoenixes. Quickly, however, you realized that it was too painful. After eight hard years of trying to adjust, you and Jen decided to send in your letters, requesting retirement. The Council arranged acceptances to Harvard and MIT, giving you both a chance to escape Phoenix life and explore the world.

You feel two pairs of eyes to your right, watching you, waiting for your input. You glance uneasily at them but break eye contact. 

“It wasn’t the same, after the war…” Jen breaks off, staring into space. Tears well in her eyes. You squeeze her hand to bring her out of the past, biting your lip to avoid crying yourself. 

Running your thumb across your brand, first on the ‘X’ then on the triangle underneath them and back again. You breathe, trying to keep your own painful memories at bay. 

“They let you keep your powers?” Dr. McCoy’s glass is empty in front of him. 

“Even though we were both honorably discharged and no longer in the service, we still keep our powers.” 

“Once a Phoenix, always a Phoenix,” you and Jen say together, voices firm. It was the final phrase of your induction ceremony, where you, Jen, and millions of other Phoenixes across the world officially joined the ranks. 

You gulp. It’s also the final words at a Phoenix funeral. A vow, both to never forget their service and their legacy. You’ve lost track of how many times you’ve said it, given the number of brothers and sisters in arms that had died beside you.

Jen falls silent, staring at your brand, eyes unfocused. Her matching one is hidden underneath her uniform while yours is exposed by your rolled-up sleeves. 

“That’s why you came here?” Kirk asks. 

Dr. McCoy glances between Jen you, then puts a hand on Kirk’s shoulder. “How about we call it a night?” 

“But you just-”

McCoy gives him a look.

Kirk rises, getting the message. “Yeah, it’s getting late.” He pulls down his gold sleeves. 

Smiling, you thank him for the drinks. 

“Why ya thanking him? It’s my whiskey y’all were drinking,” Dr. McCoy grumbles. He looks at Jen, who has her back to the three of you, washing your glasses in the sink silently. 

His hazel eyes make contact with yours. His face is mixed with concern and questioning.  _ You guys gonna be ok?  _

Sighing, you give him a reassuring smile. 

Jen comes around the bar and interlocks her arm with yours. After saying goodnight, you two head off to bed.


	11. Chapter 11

Jen is asleep next to you, nestled close to your chest. 

Lifting your head carefully to avoid waking her, you glance over at the clock on your nightstand. 

_ 2:32 am _

You swallow, unable to sleep. Every time you try to close your eyes, memories hit you like punches to the gut. For Jen’s sake, you’re glad she and Dr. McCoy were late. Your family was designed for war and your mind is more capable of dealing with the trauma, while Jen and her parents were supposed to be civilian doctors.

Jen groans and pulls the sheets over her head as you move to get up. Padding across the room, you enter the bathroom and close the door behind you as you order the lights to 30%. Even in the low light, your ink-black tattoos are stark against your skin. The five lines run parallel to each other across your left bicep, indicating your rank, battle experience, family, and specific ability.

Taking a deep breath, your hands on either side of the sink, you look in the mirror. Your hair is ruffled and sticking up in places. Your small nose is dotted with freckles. Waves of gold encircle your pupils, burning off into a light brown at the edges. 

“ _ You have your mother’s eyes,” your trainer comments after reading your last name on your uniform. “She was a good woman.”  _

_ Your ten-year-old self bites back tears at the memory of your mom. “Yes, ma’am,” you reply, tightening your jaw to suppress your emotion. _

_ The trainer looks you up and down. Every imperfection is exposed by her scanning eyes. “You have your father’s hands.” You wince as she suddenly grasps them.  _

_ Her eyes catch a glimpse of white. She roughly pushed your sleeve up.  _

_ “Just got your brand, huh?”  _

_ Irritation threatens to reveal itself on your face. Everyone in your company of one hundred is just like you. The same age, the same fresh brand from induction day bandaged on their forearm, and the same hole in their chest from losing their parents. Why did this trainer insist on focusing on you?  _

_ You make eye contact with the trainer and nod the affirmative.  _

_ “Well,” she sighs, her boots clicking as she turns to leave. “If you’re anything like your mother and father, you’ll make a damn good Phoenix.”  _

“Wanna talk about it?” 

You start, Jen’s voice jumping you. She’s leaning in the bathroom doorway, her hair knotted and frizzy. One of your old tees nearly engulfs her small frame. 

You run a hand through your hair, no doubt making you look like an oversized hedgehog. Swallowing, your shoulders slump. 

“C’mon…” Jen takes your hand and leads you back to bed. 

Curling up underneath the covers, she massages the tension out of your shoulders, careful to not touch your scars, knowing that would only make you feel worse. 

Tears roll down your cheek and onto your pillow. Jen sighs and curls up next to you, bodies pressed together. 

“It’s gonna be ok…” She whispers into your ear as you begin to sob. Telling your story brought everything you had bottled up crashing to the surface. Thankfully, at least, it didn’t hit you like this when you were with Kirk and Dr. McCoy. 

“I-I just,” You sniffle, trying to get control of yourself. You feel stupid for being so sensitive. 

_ I’m a soldier. I’m not supposed to show weakness _ . 

Yet, Jen has always helped you to somehow let go of that demand and help you to open up about things. 

“What do you think life would be like if they were still-”

Jen sits up behind you. “I don’t know…” she trails off. “But I do know this:”

You look up at her, eyes burning from crying. 

“Despite everything we’ve been through,” she glances away, tears welling in her eyes at her own painful memories. “We’re still here. We need to make the most of it.”

Trying to steady your breathing, you interlock your hand with hers. “I miss them,” you don’t just mean your parents. Your heart aches for your fellow phoenixes that never made it back from the battlefield. You miss your surviving friends, the ones you and Jen had to say goodbye to. But most of all, you miss home.

Jen gently brings the covers up to your chest and then lays down, wrapping her arms around you. “Try to get some sleep. You need rest.” 

You try to protest, but the warmth from the blankets and the smell of Jen’s strawberry shampoo makes your eyelids heavy, and eventually you’re lulled to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

“Keep giving me this attitude, and I’ll slice you open and watch you bleed in front of me.” 

“Jeez, be easy on it. It’s just ketchup.” 

You ignore your comment and frown scornfully at the near-empty replicator pump. With a final squeeze, it sputters out the last few drops. It wheezes, exhausted. Normally, you sympathize with machines, but ketchup dispensers have always been a mortal enemy of yours.

“All this innovation, all this advancement.” You wave your hand around. “But no matter the form, ketchup dispensers will always be stubborn bastards.” 

Jen rolls her eyes at you. “Pretty busy today, isn’t it?” Gesturing to the lunch crowd, you begin to notice the large number of Starfleet uniforms in the room that you had been doing your best to ignore. Your legs tighten up with nerves, feeling as though every eye is watching you, judging you. The noise is deafening, and it feels like every conversation is about you. You desperately want to run, to go someplace quiet and safe where there aren’t hundreds of eyes on you, but you’re embarrassed to say something to Jen. Instead, you put up with the fluttering in your chest and force your legs to move.

Returning to your table, you drop your plate back down. Someone bumps into you, causing you to flinch. Jen senses it and spins around. On instinct, your fist comes up, ready to face a possible attacker.

“My apologies.” A man at least half a foot taller than Jen stands before you. His large, black cloak contrasted with his silvery-white hair. 

Jenna places a hand on your uniform sleeve, gently lowering your shaking arm. 

“No problem,” Jen says smoothly.

Forcing yourself to look him in the eye, you notice his neatly cut bangs and pointy ears.

“Are you a Vulcan?” Your nose scrunches up. The ears, of course, cause you to suspect this. But there’s something human about his eyes.

“I am of partly Vulcan descent.”

Looking down at your shoes, you don’t know what to say next. 

_ God, socializing is not my thing.  _

“Pardon?” 

Your face goes red as you realize you said that out loud. “Sorry, I -uh-.” 

He squints at you, head tilted slightly. “I do not recognize you.”

“We’re new,” Jen says. You breathe a little.

_ Finally, someone who knows how to hold a conversation properly.  _

“I’m Jenna and this is Y/N,” she introduces. “I work in the medbay with Dr. McCoy, and Y/N’s in engineering.” 

He nods. “What is your age? It’s against Starfleet regulation to allow thirteen-year-olds on a Federation starship without a parent or guardian.” 

You step forwards, anger suddenly flaring up as you press your finger to his chest. “Ok, first off buddy, we aren’t  _ thirteen… _ ”

“I didn’t mean to cause you emotional distr-” 

“Ambassador Spock!” Kirk’s voice cuts in and you see the captain making his way through the sea of people and tables towards you, Dr. McCoy close behind. 

Ambassador Spock’s eyes flit up to Kirk, and you see his features soften ever so slightly. “Captain, I have returned from my away mission. The Vulcan colony is quite prosperous and is conducting itself-” 

“I-I see that.” Kirk’s face is etched with confusion. He gives you and Jen a questioning look, then points to your finger. “What’s going on?” 

“This  _ dumbass  _ called us thirteen-year-olds,” you growl. 

Dr. McCoy chuckles, but you maintain eye contact with the captain. 

Ambassador Spock peers at you and Jenna. “You remind me of some people I met there.”

You open your mouth to respond, but Kirk speaks up first. 

“This ‘dumbass’ is Commander Spock’s older counterpart.” Kirk gingerly places a hand on your arm and you allow him to lower it. 

Narrowing your eyes, you look back at Ambassador Spock. You definitely see a resemblance.

_ That explains where his attitude came from. _

“Well, how ‘bout you tell him we aren’t thirteen?” 

“I do apologize, Y/N. I did not realize that you were, in fact, fourteen.” A barely-detectable hint of sass creeps into his voice.

“Now you-” You move forwards, but Jenna and Kirk stop you. The people next to you eating get up and move, giving you looks.

“Are you outta your Vulcan mind?!” Dr. McCoy pushes Ambassador Spock back a few feet. You hear him murmur to the senior Spock in a low voice. 

“Y/N, seriously?” Kirk looks at you like you’re his five-year-old daughter acting out in a store. A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.

Huffing, you free yourself from his grip. “I’m just sayin’-” More fluttering in your chest. The urge to run grows stronger under the captain’s judgemental eye.

_ Why am I so angry? _

“And you’ve said enough…” Jen sighs, grabbing your hand. “We’re heading back to our quarters.” 

Kirk nods as Jen turns to lead you through the maze of the Mess Hall. 


	13. Chapter 13

As soon as the door whooshes shut behind you, Jen turns around. 

Her voice is gentle but firm. “Wanna tell me what that was about?” 

You shift your jaw around and cross to the couch, avoiding eye contact. 

“Y/N, I’ve been dating you for 260 years. You think I don’t know when something is actually bothering you?” 

Sighing, you pull a pillow to your chest. “Didn’t know you were a shrink,” you mutter, feeling as though you’re in a therapy session. 

Guilt begins to form a lump in your chest, but you shove the thoughts about apologizing away. Normally, you’d laugh at the kind of inquiry Ambassador Spock had made, but not today. Everything is overwhelming. The people, the noise, the turbolift incident, the lies and truths, and the memories. Even the walls in the spacious corridors suffocate you, threatening to squeeze you to death. 

Even worse, the skin above your hip itches. It’s been a while since it’s been touched, hell, since you’ve even looked at it for longer than the two seconds you take to change. You resist the urge to dig as much of your stubby fingernails into the skin as possible, to pick at it, and watch it bleed. 

_ Maybe the pain will help _ … 

Jen narrows her eyes, reading you as you stare down at your hip. She comes over next to you, taking your hands away from your hip. You hadn’t even noticed them traveling down, scratching at the fabric of your pants. 

“Talk to me…” 

You open your mouth to speak when the door opens. Dr. McCoy stands there, looking between the two of you. 

“Oh, am I interrupting something?” His face goes slightly red.

“Not at all,” you say as you get up and cross to the bathroom. Jen’s eyes follow you, but she says nothing. 

Dr. McCoy is about to say something when a thundering boom shakes the ship, causing you to stumble. Nearly hitting the floor, you grab a hold of the sink for balance. 

“What the hell was that?” You hear Dr. McCoy’s voice in your quarters. Making your way to the door, you see Dr. McCoy helping Jen up, her head inches away from the table. 

“You ok?” 

She nods, pushing her hair out of her face. 

“That was weird-” 

The lights flicker, and you hear the ship moan. The room is illuminated in a low flashing red. 

“Are those the emergency lights?” Dr. McCoy looks worried. 

“See if you can get a hold of the captain,” Jen says to him as he reaches for his comm. 

The chirp of your comm jumps you. Mr. Scott’s voice breaks the silence. 

“Lassie, we need all hands on deck in engineering.”

You raise the comm to your mouth. “Yes, sir.” 

Jen and Dr. McCoy move out of your way as you run to the door. They follow closely behind you. With the power down, the medbay needs its CMO and his assistant.

Entering the turbolift, Dr. McCoy jams the button for the floor for the medbay. 

“It’s probably just a damn glitch,” The doctor grumbles. 

“Yeah, that’s probably it.” 

You watch Jen carefully as she twirls her hair once before smoothing it back into a neat bun.

Your stomach feels like lead. Something tells you this is more than just a glitch. 

Looking back up from your fidgeting hands, you catch Jen’s eye. They’re stormy with thought, and you can tell she doesn’t feel too good about this either. 

“Keep your comm on you,” you whisper to her as you squeeze her hand before she exits the turbolift. Pushing another button, you head down to engineering.


	14. Chapter 14

Stepping out of the lift, you see crew members in red uniforms running everywhere. The flashing red lights make the engine room feel like some sort of nightclub, every second flooding the room in total darkness just to light up again. Mr. Scott’s voice rings out as he stands up on the top deck by two huge vats, rifling off orders. 

“Mr. Scott!” you call, craning your neck to look up. 

“Lassie!” He comes flying down the stairs at you. Arriving, his voice goes low. “I need you to do something for me.” His hand on your shoulder, he leads you through the sea of red and into a back corridor. 

The noise dies down as you travel further into the depths of the ship. 

“Now lassie, I know whatcha can do,” he starts, looking you up and down. 

You straighten your back. Mr. Scott is not a stupid man, and you had been waiting for him to confront you about the turbolift scene for days. After four shifts of him saying nothing, you thought that perhaps he had believed Kirk and Dr. McCoy, but now you realize he’s been waiting for the opportunity. 

“What do you need, Mr. Scott?” 

The wrinkles on his forehead deepen, a sheen of sweat glistening. Mr. Scott is not at all a relaxed man, but this is different. 

“A wee while ago, Captain Kirk went into that warp core and-” He points to a little door near the ground. “Well… he died. Now, Dr. McCoy is a brilliant doctor, and was able to bring him back-” 

You hold a hand up. “Mr. Scott, do you want me to go in there?”

His eyes dart to the floor. He hands you some tools. 

“No human can survive that, lassie. But maybe you can?”

You stare at the door, clenching your jaw. You know about the radiation, and about Kirk. Grabbing the tools from Mr. Scott’s hands, you kneel down.

“You need to reconnect the electricity to the warp core unit. That should get the power running again and she should be able to move.” Mr. Scott kneels beside you. “You sure about this?” 

“I’ve had much worse, Mr. Scott. I’ll be fine.” 

The scars on your chest ache. 

“It’s just-” He looks at you. 

“What?” 

“That’s what you said about the turbolift, and then it came crashing down.” He smiles a little. 

You exhale, thankful for his attempt to calm your nerves. “I’ll be fine. Now step back.” 

He moves to the far corner, keeping a watchful eye for any signs of company. 

Taking a deep breath, you summon your power. The brand on your arm burns softly as heat and strength rushes through you. 

Mr. Scott’s eyes go wide as fire circles around your arms, licking at your uniform and the metal door in front of you. You will it to not burn anything, and it complies. 

You see your reflection in the window. Eyes burning bright, you smile and open the containment hatch. 


	15. Chapter 15

Raising one arm, a bright circle of amber waves surround you, shielding you from the radiation as you crawl through the dark tube. The tunnel ends, giving you a clear view from below the warp core. Black tubes with wires inside run up from the floor to five silver spheres. The spheres are elevated on a platform, making a ring around the bottom half of the warp core. A foot above hangs the top half, the four prongs aligning perfectly with the ones attached to their counterpart below. Blue electricity sputters, feebly trying to make a connection. 

_ Good.  _ You think to yourself.  _ At least the electricity is attempting to flow through the core itself, meaning it’s online. _

You scan the vast room, searching for the problem. Sparks of electricity beyond the warp core catch your eye. 

Swallowing hard, you glance down at the floor below. It’s at least a twenty-foot drop. It would be simpler to fly across, but you can’t risk damaging any other systems with your wings. You lower your hand, your makeshift shields dissipating. Securing your hold on the tools, one in each hand, you step off the edge. 

Grunting, your knees crack as you land heavily on the floor. 

“I was never very good at stealth training, anyways,” you mutter, dusting off your uniform. 

The radiation grows stronger as you climb up the jungle of tubes and wires to the top. You take a deep breath as your hand lands on the flat surface of the warp core deck. Groaning as you push yourself up with your arms, you drag your flailing legs up and into the tiny space. Standing up, you fight the urge to stare at the warp core, not wanting to waste precious seconds. 

Electricity crackles beside you. 

“Shit.” You reach out to touch a mess of slashed wires, each one the size of your fingers. Electricity pulses through you, but you ignore it. The thick black tube encasing the wires, a foot across, was sliced clean through, the other half laying attached to the warp core at your feet.

“What the hell?” The duranium composite the tube is composed of is one of the strongest, most durable materials known to Starfleet. 

_ Only one type of metal could cut through this…  _

Your stomach drops. Lifting up the tube on the floor, you let the flames travel down to your fingers. The wires melt as the flames turn white, your hands rushing to rewire and fuse the tube shut. 

In a flash of blue light, the warp core reconnects. The force sends you flying forwards and you tumble headfirst towards the floor, your body bouncing like a rag doll off of the maze of tubes. A sickening crack is barely audible over the loud crackling of electricity above you. You lift a shaking hand to your head. Your fingertips are slick with blood. 

Stumbling, you dodge tubes, looking around desperately for the way out. Your head pounds as the room spins. 

_ I need to find Jen. I need to tell her.  _

Your eyes light up as you recognize the entryway to the tunnel. Reaching up, your hands grapple for anything to give you a hold. 


	16. Chapter 16

“Lassie!” Mr. Scott yells to you. Blood drips down your cheek as you approach the doorway out. 

You bang a hand on the door, smearing blood. “Get Jen!”

He looks around, panicked. You try to take a shaky breath. Your brand throbs as you allow yourself to be wrapped in golden flames. Raising your arms, you form a hemisphere and push out towards the warp core. Straining, you burn off the radiation and shut the decontamination door. 

Turning back to Mr. Scott, you give him a nod. You barely hear the taps on the pad outside as the door hisses open. 

You feel a pair of hands helping you back into the corridor. The lights in the hall have returned to their normal sterile white. 

“Y/N!” Jen runs up to you, hands lit in blue flames. “Are you hurt?”

You grab her face, diverting her attention away from scanning you for injuries. “Jen, this isn’t what it looks like-”

She looks at you, worried. Dr. McCoy comes up behind her and they try to get you to sit down, but you push them off with a little more force than you mean to. Dr. McCoy unceremoniously tumbles to the floor.

“The wires… they were cut with a Phoenix sword. This wasn’t a malfunction.”

Dr. McCoy rises from the floor. “Do you mean there’s another God damn angel around here?!” 

“You’re an angel?!” Mr. Scott begins to make the sign of the cross. 

_ Why can’t you guys just listen?! _

You ignore Mr. Scott’s misunderstanding and grab Jen’s shoulders. 

“Someone else is here.” 

She nods and closes her eyes. Blue flames light up around her. 

Mr. Scott yelps but Dr. McCoy doesn’t even flinch. 

“But if one of your-” Dr. McCoy motions at you. “Phoenixes is here, why would they do this?”

You and Jen lock eyes. She takes a step back. 

“No,” she breathes. 

You grimace at the idea. 

_ Please, anything but him. Anything.  _

“We need to get everyone-”

Another loud boom resounds. The ship quakes, throwing all of you against the wall. The floor begins to tip to one side beneath you before violently becoming level again. 

“This is your captain speaking. All crew members to battle stations. We are under attack. This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill.” 

Panic settles in your stomach as you and Jen run back through the corridors to the engine room, Mr. Scott and Dr. McCoy close behind. The noise is nearly deafening as crew members in red uniforms rush to their stations. One engineer stumbles in front of you, falling to the floor. You pick him up quickly, making eye contact for a second. The fear in his young eyes is overwhelming, and you realize how young everyone is here. They’re children compared to you and Jen. You blink, the image of his eyes stuck in your head, reminding you of all the young phoenixes that were scared to death on the battlefield with you. Their deaths remain a constant reminder in your head of the high cost of freedom. 

You resist the urge to run, to hide. That same fear that formed a lump in your throat as a kid has returned. 

_ It’s your duty. You need to protect them.  _ You remind yourself.  _ If you run, then you’re signing their death warrants. _

“Mr. Scott,” you turn to the man. The same panic has hit him as well. “Report to your station.” Your voice is commanding, reminding you of your days as a Lt. Commander back home. “Dr. McCoy, report to medbay.” You pause, glancing around at the room full of terrified people. 

You hear your old captain’s voice in your head, preparing you and your squadron for the battlefield.  _ There’s sure to be casualties, but if you let fear control you then I can guarantee you’re going to be one of them.  _

A hand pulls on your arm. “Y/N, we need to get to the bridge.” 

Swallowing, you nod. Entering the turbolift beside her, you punch in the deck number and the doors whoosh shut in front of you. 


	17. Chapter 17

“Lassie!” Mr. Scott yells to you. Blood drips down your cheek as you approach the doorway out. 

You bang a hand on the door, smearing blood. “Get Jen!”

He looks around, panicked. You try to take a shaky breath. Your brand throbs as you allow yourself to be wrapped in golden flames. Raising your arms, you form a hemisphere and push out towards the warp core. Straining, you burn off the radiation and shut the decontamination door. 

Turning back to Mr. Scott, you give him a nod. You barely hear the taps on the pad outside as the door hisses open. 

You feel a pair of hands helping you back into the corridor. The lights in the hall have returned to their normal sterile white. 

“Y/N!” Jen runs up to you, hands lit in blue flames. “Are you hurt?”

You grab her face, diverting her attention away from scanning you for injuries. “Jen, this isn’t what it looks like-”

She looks at you, worried. Dr. McCoy comes up behind her and they try to get you to sit down, but you push them off with a little more force than you mean to. Dr. McCoy unceremoniously tumbles to the floor.

“The wires… they were cut with a Phoenix sword. This wasn’t a malfunction.”

Dr. McCoy rises from the floor. “Do you mean there’s another God damn angel around here?!” 

“You’re an angel?!” Mr. Scott begins to make the sign of the cross. 

_ Why can’t you guys just listen?! _

You ignore Mr. Scott’s misunderstanding and grab Jen’s shoulders. 

“Someone else is here.” 

She nods and closes her eyes. Blue flames light up around her. 

Mr. Scott yelps but Dr. McCoy doesn’t even flinch. 

“But if one of your-” Dr. McCoy motions at you. “Phoenixes is here, why would they do this?”

You and Jen lock eyes. She takes a step back. 

“No,” she breathes. 

You grimace at the idea. 

_ Please, anything but him. Anything.  _

“We need to get everyone-”

Another loud boom resounds. The ship quakes, throwing all of you against the wall. The floor begins to tip to one side beneath you before violently becoming level again. 

“This is your captain speaking. All crew members to battle stations. We are under attack. This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill.” 

Panic settles in your stomach as you and Jen run back through the corridors to the engine room, Mr. Scott and Dr. McCoy close behind. The noise is nearly deafening as crew members in red uniforms rush to their stations. One engineer stumbles in front of you, falling to the floor. You pick him up quickly, making eye contact for a second. The fear in his young eyes is overwhelming, and you realize how young everyone is here. They’re children compared to you and Jen. You blink, the image of his eyes stuck in your head, reminding you of all the young phoenixes that were scared to death on the battlefield with you. Their deaths remain a constant reminder in your head of the high cost of freedom. 

You resist the urge to run, to hide. That same fear that formed a lump in your throat as a kid has returned. 

_ It’s your duty. You need to protect them.  _ You remind yourself.  _ If you run, then you’re signing their death warrants. _

“Mr. Scott,” you turn to the man. The same panic has hit him as well. “Report to your station.” Your voice is commanding, reminding you of your days as a Lt. Commander back home. “Dr. McCoy, report to medbay.” You pause, glancing around at the room full of terrified people. 

You hear your old captain’s voice in your head, preparing you and your squadron for the battlefield.  _ There’s sure to be casualties, but if you let fear control you then I can guarantee you’re going to be one of them.  _

A hand pulls on your arm. “Y/N, we need to get to the bridge.” 

Swallowing, you nod. Entering the turbolift beside her, you punch in the deck number and the doors whoosh shut in front of you. 


	18. Chapter 18

When the doors open again, you and Jen are stepping out onto the bridge. Ignoring the stares that follow you both, you stride over to the captain’s chair. He doesn’t hear you both come in; he’s busy shouting out orders. 

“Captain.” Jen grips his shoulder. His head snaps up to see the both of you. His blue eyes are sharp and focused, his facial features are hard, and his jaw is clenched. 

“You need to report to your stations.”

Jen says something, but you don’t hear. On the screen in front of you is a black starship twice the size of the enterprise, the insignia of the rebels marked on the side. 

_ You wake to the sound of air sirens. Everybody in your squadron jumped out of bed and strapped on their swords. Rushing outside, the night sky is lit up with fire. Bombs rain down on your camp. A phoenix running next to you screams out in pain and falls. You don’t dare stop, not wanting to see what’s left of them. Phoenixes all around you fall as the enemy shoots at you like fish in a barrel. You unsheath your swords and fly up with the surviving members of your squad. A dark shadow hides behind the clouds, red fire the only thing giving away its presence. As the mist recedes around you, it comes into view. The assault ship hovers, weapons aimed at the ground. The sound of the gunfire is deafening. Painted in blood red on the side is a pair of crossed swords and a shield, the symbol of the enemy.  _

You raise a finger and look at Kirk. “You can’t fight this.” 

He looks between you and Jen. Sirens wail and lights flash around you. He lowers his voice. “What is this?” 

The bridge falls silent as you roll up your sleeves, exposing your brand. “That’s an enemy ship from the war. I don’t know how but-”

“You know what we are. You know what we can do. Let us help you.” Jen cuts you off. For the first time in a long time, her voice is shaking. 

“Sir, they’re scanning our ship,” Mr. Sulu calls out. 

“When he sees that we’re here, he’s going to kill all of us.” 

“Who is he?” Kirk asks. 

“Duine Dána. He led the rebellion in the war. He was one of the most highly skilled Phoenixes in history, till he went off the rails. He’s supposed to be dead.” You resist the urge to materialize your wings and swords, but you know it’s pointless. It took a whole army of Phoenixes to stop his forces, and being deep in space leaves only you and Jen against him. 

“Sir, he’s hailing us.” Lt. Uhura swivels her chair, silver earpiece in. 

Kirk looks at you and Jen. You nod. 

“Put it up on the screen.” 

You both suck in a breath. Dána’s face has changed drastically since you last saw it plastered on posters all around your home at the end of the war. His trial was broadcast for every Phoenix to see. He was charged with the death of millions, the first war crime in two millenium. Though his death itself was not aired, you had heard it was brutal and slow. His wings were torn out and then, only when he was on the brink of death because of the pain, was his head sliced off via a Phoenix blade, the only weapon in the world powerful enough to kill a Phoenix. 

The high collar of Dána’s black uniform covers up what you suspect to be a thick white scar from his first death. His age has caught up to him. A mix of scars and wrinkles cover his face. One particularly large scar slices down from his cheekbone to his chin, curving slightly underneath and out of sight. No amount of age, however, could change his eyes. The dull, grey eyes remind you of a hawk, searching out and killing its prey. No hesitation, no guilt. Only what it sees as a logical sacrifice for the greater good, whom it views as itself. 

“Captain Kirk, I see you have met two of my friends.” His voice is deep and scratchy like knives are slicing his throat as he speaks.

“We aren’t your  _ friends, _ ” Jen growls. Her hands spark blue flames.

Dána tuts. “Now, now, none of that. I come in peace.” He splays his hands in front of him, revealing no weapon. 

“There’s nothing peaceful about you.” His eyes snap to meet yours as you step closer to the screen. “And if you came in peace, why did you sabotage the warp core?” You see a flash of silver behind his ear, no doubt his sword. Two grey wings streaked with black conceal the bridge of his ship from view.

“That was only a little stunt to get your attention. Plus, you fixed it, did you not?” 

Your feathers ruffle behind you, and you resist the urge to materialize them from the void. Phoenixes are able to vibrate their wings and weapons at a different frequency than their surroundings, causing them to shift into what’s called ‘the void’ and thus be invisible to the naked eye. With enough practice, phoenixes can use the void to travel without being seen. Dána has that skill. A phoenix must be careful, however. Too much exposure to the void can make you go insane, which is what happened to Dána. Whatever he saw there, it broke him in ways even a Phoenix couldn’t heal from.

“This is Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the USS Enterprise.” Kirk rises from his chair and stands next to you, arms crossed. “You have attacked a Federation Starship, which is cause for us to use lethal force against you.” 

Dána laughs. “Step aside, meat sack. This is a grownup issue.” Dána is old enough to have seen the birth of America, so you’re not surprised by his condescending remarks to somebody he views as a kindergartener at best. You suppress a smile. You read about Captain Kirk before joining Starfleet. Underestimating him is a mistake.

“You’re right, Dána. Whatever the hell this is, it’s between us.” Jen’s eyes are cold. “Leave them out of this. We’ll come over to you.” 

“Hold on-” Kirk begins to protest, but Dána’s booming voice cuts him off. 

“Which is exactly why I’ve waited this long. I wanted you to make connections,” Dána spits, his eyes filled with anger and hatred. “To find a family. So that when their blood pours onto the floor at your feet, it’ll be all the more painful.” 

“Why are you doing this?” you demand. Anger fills your chest. 

_ I’ve already lost one family, I’m not going to lose another.  _

“They never told you, did they?” His cold stare is filled with faux pity. “What your parents did?” 

The air is sucked out of you. Tears prick at your eyes at the thought of them.

He shoves a finger at the screen. “They put them on a  _ pedestal.  _ ‘The perfect warriors, filled with honor and bravery.’ But do you know what they did?” He’s shouting now, and it takes all of your control to stop your hands from shaking. Jen comes beside you and shoots you a glance, reminding you that you’re not alone. 

“They sacrificed themselves to stop you from slaughtering your own people.” The Council told you that they died saving tens of millions of phoenixes that had joined the Dána’s cause. Dána was known to conduct purges, where he’d send all of his suspected traitors to the same area to fight and then ambush them, killing both the enemy and his own soldiers. 

_ Two birds, one stone.  _ He used to say. 

Your parents were on a specialized team that raided one of Dána’s known bases. There, they sacrificed themselves by setting off a chemical bomb Dána had intended to use later on, thus destroying the base and saving both their people and his. Though it was never confirmed, you heard a rumor that Dána’s son,  Amadán , was also killed. 

“Lies!!” Dána roars. “They killed my son! Murderers!” White hot flames light up his eyes and wings. His finger, still pointed at you, is no longer visible behind the fire. His face is stretched into a snarl. 

“They were good people!” Anger bursts out of you. You feel your brand burn on your arm as your wings and swords materialize. You hear gasps from behind you, but you don’t care who’s watching. 

“You’re a monster!” Jen’s blue flames lick her hands, eyes burning. Any calmness from earlier has been replaced with rage. “You killed half of your  _ own people _ . Including our parents. You deserve all the pain you got!” 

He locks eyes with her. You step in front of her, protective, but she shoves you back. 

“You heard me,” she growls. You’ve never seen Jen this angry before. 

Dána leans in closer to the screen. His white teeth are almost blinding. “You have twenty-four hours. Hand over Y/N or everyone dies.”


	19. Chapter 19

“There’s no way in hell you’re doing this!” A mix of anger and fear clouds Jen’s eyes. 

“Doing what?” Dr. McCoy walks onto the bridge. “Jim, what the hell was that all about?”

“Jenna’s right. You’re not going anywhere, Y/N.” Kirk’s blue eyes lock on you.

“Doing  _ what? _ ”

“Some crazy jackass wants to take Y/N!” Uhura bursts out. 

McCoy turns to you. “That is  _ not _ happening.”

“Captain, we must entertain the possibility…” Spock’s calm voice cuts through the mayhem. 

Sulu turns to him. “With all due respect, sir, are you out of your mind?”

Spock ignores him and turns to Kirk. “If Dána is anything like these two here, then we are at a serious disadvantage. After studying his ship, I have come to the conclusion that we will need at least three Enterprises to even come near the firepower of our enemy. Furthermore, there are thirty-three of them and only two-”

Kirk was about to cut him off when Uhura walks up to Spock and slaps him. Tears fill her eyes. 

“Spock, if I were in her position… What would  _ you  _ do?”

For the first time in his life, Spock is speechless. 

McCoy pegs you with another stare. “You aren’t going anywhere.”

Jen tries to grab your hand, but you pull away. 

“Y/N, please,” she begs. 

Tears prick your eyes as you walk past everyone to the turbolift. 

“Y/N, wait!” Kirk slams his hand against the door. 

Ignoring him, you hit the button to leave. 


	20. Chapter 20

_ You know what you have to do.  _

It’s in your blood. It’s what you were born to do. You’re trained to take the hits for others. You’re trained to make the sacrifice play. 

The turbolift ride seems to take forever as your stomach slowly turns to lead. 

_ You know what you have to do. _

Reaching your room, you listen to see if you can hear Jen inside. Satisfied she’s still on the bridge, you sneak in. 

The old duffel bag you brought from home lies on the floor of your closet. Rummaging around in it, you find what you’re looking for. The first two things you pull over your neck. The other object gets shoved into the depths of your pocket.

You move to leave, but stop. A tear rolls down your cheek as you slide your ring off your finger and place it on Jen’s pillow. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper.


	21. Chapter 21

Making your ways down the hall, you’re careful to avoid as many crewmembers as possible. Captain Kirk’s voice over the intercoms gives you a jolt. 

“Ensign Y/L/N, report to the bridge immediately.” His voice was hard. 

_ If I get out of this alive, I am so screwed.  _

Yet, Kirk isn’t the blonde you’re worried about.

You turn down another hall, when suddenly you’re grabbed. Before you can yelp, you’re pulled into a room. The door whooshes shut.

You turn your chin into the crook of your attacker’s elbow and grip their hand and elbow. In a fluid, practiced motion, you twist their arm over your head and free yourself from their hold.

“What the hell-” you falter as you lock eyes with the man in front of you. “Ambassador Spock?”

“I can help you.” 

“I don’t need your help,” you growl.

He ignores you and sits in a chair. Gesturing to the couch across from him, he invites you to sit down. 

“I do believe Captain Kirk is looking for you.” 

“I know, but that’s not important.” You cautiously sit on the couch.

“And what is?”

You take a deep breath to collect yourself. “I need to do this. It’s my duty.”

Ambassador Spock studies you for a moment. “As soon as you step onto that ship, he will kill you and then all of us as well.”

“Maybe I can buy some time then.”

He shakes his head. “Not enough.” His eyes fall to your forearm. “The Enterprise and her crew will be obliterated. There is no knowing where he will stop. He will continue to kill until someone finally stops him. That must be you, Y/N.” He pauses, looking back up at you. “But you cannot do this alone. That brand that you have, I saw it on New Vulcan. Perhaps they are friends of yours?”

Your mind tumbles back to the mess hall, where you and Ambassador Spock first met. “I don’t know.”

“Perhaps they can be of help.” He reaches for something on the counter next to him and passes it to you. “It is worth a try.”

You shake your head. “This is my fight.”

He reaches out for your hand. They’re ice cold. He places the object on your palm and closes your fingers around it. “This communicator will reach the planet’s surface.”

“I can’t-”

“I can see it in your eyes. I’m very old…” He looks down at his hands, then back up at you. “But so are you. Your appearance may be youthful and it may even fool my younger self, but I can tell by your eyes that you have lived much more life than that which can fit into seventeen or so years.”

Ambassador Spock’s words make your shoulders slump. 

“Yeah,” you say softly. “I have.”

He looks back down at the communications device, then back up at you. His dark eyes hold onto yours.

“There is no shame in asking for help.”


	22. Chapter 22

After leaving Ambassador Spock’s room, you head to engineering. Thankfully, Kirk’s summons have stopped. No doubt everyone is on the lookout for you by now, though. The turbolift is empty, but you’re still on high alert as you slip into the back of the engine room. Taking a wrench from a nearby tool bench, you open up a panel near the floor and crawl inside, replacing the panel as best as you can.

Through muscle memory, you go deeper into the jefferies tube. After a few minutes, you’re satisfied you’re alone. Your stomach flips as you second-guess yourself. You want to fight this alone, to end it quickly without putting anyone else in danger. Yet, Ambassador Spock’s words echo in your head. You know he’s right.

Pulling out the comm, you take a shaky breath. 

_ You know what you have to do. _

In Phoenix, you speak into the comm: “This is Lieutenant Commander Y/N Y/L/N. I’m on the USS Enterprise and I-” Your voice breaks. “I -I need. . . help.”

Static crackles across the comm. 

Nothing.

A tear rolls down your cheek. You move to leave, steeling yourself for when you face Dána. 

For when you face Jenna.

Just as you reach the entrance to the Jefferies tube, you hear a voice over the comm, speaking in Phoenix. 

“This is Lieutenant Matthew Brown.” 

You almost trip over yourself as you dive for the comm. The wrench clanks to the floor but you don’t care. 

_ Matt! _

“Y/N, is this really you?” 

“Matt! It’s me!” 

You hear another voice in the background, and your heart skips a beat. 

“Is that Charlie?”

“ _ Ready or not, here I come!” Charlie’s voice squeals. _

_ The rest of the phoenixes in your training platoon are hiding in various places. You can see one of your new friends, Malcolm, tucked behind a row of punching bags.  _

_ This is the last day before training begins for all of you tomorrow. Your parents suggested that a game might be a good idea to relieve some stress. You aren’t particularly nervous about training. Rather, excited is more like it. You’re ready to learn to fight,; you’re ready to face the enemy.  _

_ The letter was sent out yesterday morning. Every phoenix was asked to meet with their newly assigned teammates. Parents were allowed to come, but it was encouraged that the young phoenixes interacted without their parents' guidance. This allowed for the trainers to see if there’d be trouble between any of the kids.  _

_ “Gotcha, Y/N!” Charlie stands behind you, her shockingly white hair pulled into a single ponytail. Though she’s only a few months older than you, she holds herself differently. She’s more mature, you think to yourself, rolling the new word around in your mouth.  _

_ Charlie runs off to find the rest of the kids. _

_ You frown at your reflection off the metal table you were hiding behind. Two colorful elastics hold your long hair up in pigtails. Your stubby fingers pull at them. Tears threaten to make their way down your face as a few strands of hair come out with the elastics.  _

_ “Mature,” you whisper to yourself as you attempt to pull your hair into one ponytail. Though it’s bumpy, you smile.  _

_ “Y/N!” Someone shouts your name. “The game’s over!” _

_ Crawling from your hiding place, you come face to face with Matthew.  _

_ He jumps. “Sorry.” His startling dark blue eyes stare at you through a mop of jet black hair.  _

_ “S’ok,” You put your hand out to him in an attempt to mimic what your parents do when they meet someone. “I’m Y/N.” _

_ He smiles shyly. “I’m Matthew.” _

“Y/N!” Another voice comes over the comm, this one belonging to Charlie. “What are you doing out here?”

Tears of happiness roll down your cheeks. “I can’t explain that right now.” You pause to wipe your eyes. “How many phoenixes are with you?”

Matt answers. “About half our company or so… why?”

Your euphoria is quickly replaced with sadness and fear. Dána’s marred face flashes before your eyes. 

“He’s back.”

The comm crackles. 

“You don’t mean-”

“It’s him.” 

Charlie’s voice shakes. “T-that’s not… not possible. He  _ died _ .”

“Guys, I saw him with my own two eyes. Jen did too. He’s back. And he-” You swallow. 

“He what?” Matt asks. 

“I have twenty-four hours to give myself over to him or else he kills everyone on the Enterprise.”

“Y/N you can’t-”

“That’s why I’m asking for your help. We need to get in contact with the Council and warn them.”

“But what about you?” Charlie asks.

“Stopping Dána is the priority.”

The comm goes quiet for a second. 

“What are your coordinates?”


	23. Chapter 23

After Matt and Charlie give you their location, you crawl out of the Jefferies tube. With your back turned, you replace the bolts as quietly as you can. Adrenaline makes your hands shake. The phoenixes you served with are the most well-trained fighters you’ve ever met. But you have to face the harsh reality that, despite their skill, fifty phoenixes won’t be enough to stop Dána. 

But you have to try. Together you might be able to buy enough time for the Enterprise to escape and the Council to be notified. 

“Ensign Y/L/N, report to the bridge immediately.” Captain Kirk’s voice comes over the intercom again. This is his sixth announcement. 

You make your way to the shuttlebay. A few curious stares follow you, but you take it as a good thing that no one rushes to grab their comms. 

The shuttlebay is completely empty. Two sleek, sliver shuttles rest in the bay, but you ignore them. Normally, most of the airlocks are located on the sides of the ship. However, you know that Scotty is most likely focused on securing those. The shuttlebay does have one airlock, which you remember seeing on one of the old blueprints for the ship Scotty showed you a while ago. Knowing it’ll be the last thing Scotty thinks to check, you know this is your escape. Shoving your hand into your pocket, you pull out the object you grabbed from your room. A shiver runs down your spine. It’s been so long since you’ve worn it. 

The standard-issue mask allows for Phoenixes to breathe while traveling at high velocities, and, though you never used it before for this, to breathe in space. Most of the fighting you were involved in took place on your home planet, Phoenicia. However, as the war continued and the land below was ravaged, the fight spread to space. Though you yourself never left the planet’s surface, many Phoenixes did. Everyone’s masks were replaced with ones capable of space combat, just in case backup was needed. You heard stories that at first it feels as though your lungs are being crushed and that it takes a while to adjust. The only Phoenixes who ever died from it were the ones who panicked.

Panic kills. 

With that happy thought, you strap the mask on your face. Your lungs fill with air as you take a few deep breaths. Black fabric is stretched between two pieces of metal that outline your cheek and jawbones. The area from your nose to your chin is completely metal, with little holes so that you can breathe. The mask wraps around your neck and connects at the base of your skull. A pair of black goggles snap into place. 

You look at your reflection off a glass window in front of you. 

_ “Suit up!” your captain yells. “We leave in five!” _

_ “You ready?” Matt whispers to you.  _

_ Your heart burns with rage. “Fuck yeah. Let’s kill these monsters.” _

_ Matt nods and turns his back to you. His cobalt blue wings have flecks of silver on them, just like his eyes. You check over his gear. _

_ “All set.” _

_ Next, you turn and he checks you over. “All set.” _

_ “You guys ready?” Charlie enters the tent. She has to tuck in her violet and white streaked wings to clear the door. “Malcolm is waiting.”  _

_ The three of you head out into the night. _


	24. Chapter 24

You summon your wings and swords. This time, you slip your hand into the void. The light reflects off the walls of the shuttle bay as you open the gap wider so your arm can fit. The sensation makes your stomach twist. A bone-chilling cold coats your arm as you pull out your combat vest and gear. 

_ No wonder Dána went insane. _

Closing the void, you drop your stuff to the floor. 

A heavy weight presses down on your shoulders. This is your fight, not theirs. You hate risking others for your own sake; you hate asking others to fight your battles. Yet, you know the second you turn yourself over, Dána will kill you and everyone on the Enterprise, including Jenna. And who knows where he’ll stop. No one is safe as long as he’s alive.

You slip off your uniform and pull a skin-tight black long sleeve shirt over you. Next is your vest. It fits you as though you last wore it yesterday. Without even needing to think, you click the straps and lace up your boots. Your baggy black combat pants complete the outfit. If it had been leather instead of fireproof fabric and armor, you would’ve looked like you just walked out of a Terminator movie. 

_ No,  _ you think to yourself.  _ With this mask I’m one cloak away from being Darth Vadar.  _

You unsheath your swords. Everything is muscle memory. 

The airlock sits waiting for you on the other side of the shuttle bay. It looks like a hungry mouth. 

On the wall near the entrance sits the lock to the shuttle bay. Unlike in the movies, where it would’ve been a giant red button, the lock is a simple black lever. If you weren’t an engineer, you would’ve easily mistaken it for a ketchup dispenser.

_ Hopefully this one works.  _

Glancing around, you make sure you’re still alone. Quietly, you move toward the lever and pull it down.

It doesn’t move.

“Fucking ketchup-”

“Lassie, whaddya think you’re doing?” Scotty stands by the door in just the right spot so that you couldn’t see him earlier. Upon seeing him, you shimmer away your wings and swords.

“Mr. Scott. . .” Your voice has a warning tone and you sound dangerous through the mask.

“Lassie, the captain told me what happened. I can’t let ya do this.” He steps towards you, and you notice the phaser in his hand. “It’s set to stun. It won’t do much damage, but it will hurt. Now, please-”

You rush at him like a tackler about to sack the quarterback. His eyes go wide as you slam into him, forcing him to the ground. The phaser skitters across the floor and out of reach.

“Sorry, Scotty,” you mutter as you pull him into a sleepers hold. He struggles against you, but you keep your grip. You slide him on top of you and use your legs to hold him down. “I can’t lose another family.”

After a few seconds, his body goes limp. You check to make sure he’s still breathing before you get up and dust off. The doors whoosh open as you drag his body into the corridor. You hit the intercom and call for medical. 

“Y/N? Is that you?” Dr. McCoy’s voice fades as the doors shut again as you reenter the shuttle bay. You consider just breaking the lever, but you decide against it. Instead, you tear open the panel beneath it. Electricity crackles as you fiddle with the wires. Shutting the panel again, the klaxon goes off as the room is bathed in red light. 

“Shuttle bay secure.” A computerized voice announced. “Airlocks open in 10…”

The voice counts down and you rush to the airlock. Shoving yourself into the tiny space, you check your mask one more time. 

“5… 4…” 

The thick metal door slams shut behind you, sealing you in.

“3… 2…”

You don’t hear the count for one. A force viciously rips you out of the airlock. Your muscles feel like they’re on the verge of tearing as your skin burns. 

Then, suddenly, it stops. You open your eyes. 

Empty space lays in front of you. The airlock shot you a good quarter mile from the ship. Dána’s ship is gone.

_ Breathebreathebreathebreathebreathe _

Even though your body feels okay, your lungs sputter for breath. A heavy weight compresses them, and you struggle to get even the smallest gulps of air in.

Panic begins to scratch at the back of your mind. You remember something Jen did when you had your first panic attack. 

_ “In and out with me, ok?” She sits next to you on the couch. “In and out.” _

_ You sit there for what feels like an eternity, just focusing on your breathing. Your chest is tight and your throat closes up even more. _

_ “You’re gonna be just fine, Y/N. Can you talk?” _

_ You try to open your mouth. Your mind screams. You want to run, but your muscles are frozen. _

_ “That’s ok. Let’s just focus on breathing.” She draws a smiley face on your leg, her voice calm. “You’re gonna be just fine.” _

_ Her fingers distract you a little. Your hands are shaking, and it takes all your strength to lower your arm and draw one on her leg. The movement seems to take forever, but you finish it. Your breathing slows a little and the pain in your chest seems to ease slightly. _

_ “Good job, Y/N. Focus on the smiley faces.” _

You can almost feel Jen’s hand on your leg, drawing a smiley face. You force your lungs open. It’s slow and painful, but eventually, you get your breathing under control.

“Thanks, babe.” A tear rolls down your cheek. Your finger feels naked without your silver ring on it. 

_ I’m doing this for her. _

Taking a few more deep breaths, you pull the locator off your utility belt. The flight will take roughly three hours or so, which is still a considerably shorter trip than it would be if you took a shuttle. The antique watch on your wrist reads 1:34pm. 

You have a little less than twenty-three hours to raise an army and kill your people’s mortal enemy. 

“Easy dub,” you say. Rematerializing your wings, you take off.


	25. Chapter 25

Flying is exhilarating. The first time you flew, really flew, not the little flights for practice that usually ended in crashes and crying, you didn’t want to come back down. It was incredible, that first flight. You’ve never felt so free.   
Space, if possible, only makes it better. With no gravity, it takes barely any strength to fly. The temptation to stop and float nearly overpowers you. You promise yourself that if you make it out of this alive, you’re going to come back and float for hours.   
If.  
The uncertainty sucker-punches you in the stomach. You reach for your finger to flit with your ring when you remember that you left it on the Enterprise.  
I’m doing this for her. For everyone.  
The locator beeps, indicating you’re close. In front of you is a dusty orange planet. As you fly closer, you begin to make out the landscape. The reddish-brown plateaus and valleys of rock remind you of the Grand Canyon. You streak across the sky in a ball of white-hot fire. Feet first, you slam into the ground a mile out from the main city, your impact creating a crater.   
Dusting yourself off, you fly up out of the crater and make your way to the city.  
“Time to find an army.”


	26. Chapter 26

The architecture is very  _ Vulcan.  _ White and grey buildings reach for the sky, their straight, precise lines making it look as though they had been built with a ruler and protractor. The streets, despite being near a desert, are so clean you could eat off of them. Vulcans walk past you, purpose filling their steps. 

You make eye contact with one Vulcan. Their head tilts as they look you up and down, their eyes stopping on your mask.

You ignore them and keep walking. The locator in your hand buzzes, and you take a turn. Continuing a little further, you make your way down a back alley. Before you can take the next turn, a hand grabs you from behind and whips you around. The tip of a blade rests underneath your chin.

“Who are you?” your attacker says in English.

Though his face is covered, you recognize the voice. “Easy, Matt. It’s me,” you say in Phoenix. 

His blade lowers as he unwraps the scarf from around his face. “Sorry, Y/N,” he breathes. “I thought you were one of Dána’s men.

You take off your goggles, showing him your eyes, which are unique to you. “Nope.”

Matt casts a wary glance around the alley before taking your hand and pulling you inside. 

Light spills in from a huge skylight that serves as the ceiling of the room. White stone walls reflect the sunlight, only for it to be absorbed by the clean gray tiles that make up the floor. At the sound of the door swishing shut, fifty pairs of eyes lock onto you. Most of the faces you recognize, though some of them are new. 

Regardless, all of them rise out of their seats and, simultaneously, cross their arms on their chest, palms gripping their shoulders. 

You return the salute and follow Matt over to the front of the room. Whispers follow you as the crowd parts to make way. 

“I heard she single-handedly saved her whole platoon when the rebel forces had them pinned down in Dwűmȧn.”

“I heard she was tortured for months and never gave up her teammates,” another voice whispers.

“Yeah? Well I heard she has the highest kill count out of her whole company at 246.”

“Seems like a lot of people remember you,” Matt teases. 

Rolling your eyes, you reply, “Those stories get more exaggerated every time I hear them.”

“What was your real count?” Matt asks, the silver in his eyes sparkling. 

You smirk. “239.”

A new voice pipes up. “I seem to remember helping save that platoon.” You smile as Charlie strolls over. Her pure white hair swishes behind her, striking as ever. Her violet eyes catch yours, and a smile pulls at the corners of her mouth. She moves to salute, but you pull her into a warm hug instead. 

“What? No hug for me?” Matt gives you puppy eyes. 

“Come here.” Charlie reaches an arm out for him. After a few seconds, you separate. 

“What are you guys even doing here, anyway?” 

Charlie gestures to the door. “You’ve seen New Vulcan. Even though it’s prospering, they still need help. We were assigned to oversee their protection detail and help them get back on their feet. Quietly, of course.”

You let out a breath. “Seems like I caught you at just the right time.” 

Matt and Charlie’s faces go serious. “So, what’s the plan?”

“First,” you turn to the phoenixes and raise your hand. The room falls silent. “I explain what the hell is going on.”

Sucking in a breath, you try to make eye contact with as many phoenixes as possible. “Some of you know who I am. We have fought side by side on the battlefield, facing the worst enemy our people have ever known. We’ve risked our lives for one another, sacrificed for each other, and most importantly, always taken care of one another. 

“For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Lt. Commander Y/P/N Y/L/N. I served during the war with many of you. For those of you I did not serve with, I will hopefully have the honor of serving by your side tonight. I know you came here to New Vulcan for a different reason. I know many of you were seeking a quieter life after the tragedies that have struck our people, that have struck you. I understand that. For the past few months, my girlfriend and I have been trying to piece our lives back together aboard the USS Enterprise. However, earlier today we were attacked. The man claiming responsibility was someone I had thought was long dead and far behind me. Far behind all of us. This man is Duine Dána.”

Gasps ripple through the crowd. 

One phoenix steps forward. He looks to be about your age. A long white scar runs from his forehead to his cheek. His orange eyes are full of questioning. “But that’s not possible. He was executed.” The crowd murmurs in agreement.

“I know, but it’s true.” You turn to Charlie next to you. “Show them.”

Beyond her natural skill as a fighter, Charlie was also successful on the battlefield because of her ability to access memories of another phoenix. With the flick on her wrist, she took out whole companies of rebel forces by making them go insane from fear and turn on one another. 

With one hand stretched out flat towards the crowd, she touches your forehead and closes her eyes. In the purple flames of her hand, Duine Dána’s face shimmers as his message to the Enterprise replays. When it finishes, Charlie removes her fingers. The room is heavy with silence.

“Look, if me turning myself over to him would end this, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But we know Dána. No matter what he says, this isn’t going to stop here.”

“Why don’t we notify the Council?” a girl asks. Her auburn hair shimmers in the sunlight.

Matt speaks up. “We can’t reach them. Something is blocking our signal. Even if they could be reached, it would be of no use. We’re too far away for them to send help in time.”

Disappointment thuds in your chest. Though Matt is right about being out of reach for backup, you had at least hoped that you could give the rest of your people a warning.

You raise your hand again as the nervous mutters get louder. “By my count, there’s fifty-six of us and over a hundred of them. They have us in numbers, but not skill. Look, I’m not going to lie to you. Not everyone will survive this fight. We will lose people.” You pause to make eye contact with as many in the crowd as possible. “But if we choose not to fight, if we choose to not stop Duine Dána now, we will be letting a monster slaughter not only our own people, our own families, but countless others we have sworn to protect.” You roll up your sleeve, revealing your brand. “We all swore an oath that we will  _ always  _ fight to protect others, that we will always fight for freedom and justice, no matter the cost. This monster threatens everything we stand for, everything our fallen have sacrificed for. If we don’t stop him now, we never will. We either fight, or we die. So I am asking you, one last time, will you fulfill your oath and fight?”

Everyone in the crowd looks at each other. Your heart pounds. Millions of lives depend upon their answer. 

The seconds tick by. Your palms begin to get slick with sweat. You shoot a nervous glance at Charlie and Matt. Charlie opens her mouth to speak when movement in the crowd stops her.

One phoenix steps forward. His blonde hair and forest green eyes make him recognizable. 

_ Liam.  _

He smiles at you. “I will.”

Another phoenix steps forward, his ink-black wings contrasting with the white walls. 

_ Noah.  _

“I will, Y/N.”

“I’m definitely gonna regret this, but I guess I’ll fight, too.” Your eyes flick to a phoenix near the back. You’ve seen those crimson and white wings before.

_ Zoe. _

You grin. Clearly her grouchy attitude hasn’t changed since the last time you talked with her.

One by one, phoenixes step forward. First are the ones you served with, but as the seconds turn to minutes tick by, new faces begin to step up as well. 

After a few moments, all fifty-three phoenixes have agreed to fight.

Charlie looks at you. “Looks like you got yourself an army.”


	27. Chapter 27

You take up the lead, using your locator to backtrack to the Enterprise. Matt and Charlie fly a little behind you. Occasionally, the three of you check to make sure that no one has fallen behind. You grind your teeth, devising your plan of attack.

A mix of pride and sorrow swells up in your chest. The pride comes from the fact that, despite knowing they may not survive, and despite finally settling down and having some sense of normalcy, these phoenixes still agreed to come with you. Some of them only met you an hour ago. The sorrow, of course, comes from the fact that this is  _ your _ battle. You can’t shake the feeling that you’re dragging innocents into a fight that should be yours alone. They’ve lost so much over the years, and now you’re asking them to sacrifice even more. The guilt sits like lead in your stomach. 

Matt slaps your arm. “Stop it.” 

“What?” 

Charlie flies closer to you. “You heard him. Stop it. Stop feeling guilty about this. Even if you hadn’t asked, we would still be fighting that bastard.”

“Like you said, Y/P/N, it’s our duty.”

You curse yourself for being so easily read by your friends. You think before answering. “You guys deserve to have a fresh start. You shouldn’t have to keep fighting like this.”

“We’ll never be able to have that if he’s still alive.” Matt gazes out into space. “This world, Y/P/N.” He sighs, gesturing at the stars. “It will always be a dangerous place. It comes down to people like us to make it safe.”

Charlie nods. “With Dána still alive, our people will always be living in fear, and because of that, we’ll never truly be living.”

The three of you are quiet for a moment. 

“Thanks guys,” you say quietly. 

Matt laughs. “‘Course. We can’t have you getting all mopey on us.” Matt turns his head so that the phoenixes behind you can hear. “We already have Noah for that.”

A voice sounds from the back. “I heard that!” 


	28. Chapter 28

As the group approaches the Enterprise, you hold up your hand, signaling that you’re slowing down. 

“Wait here.” 

Matt nods. Charlie flies to the back of the group and begins a count to ensure everyone made it.

You fly up the side of the Enterprise. The lights in the portholes twinkle as though she’s saying,  _ “Welcome home, Y/N.” _

“Hi, sweetheart,” you whisper as you run a hand along her hull. Like Mr. Scott, you have a habit of referring to machines as though they’re your favorite pet and not an inanimate object. 

Except for ketchup dispensers. Those little gremlins will never be called ‘sweetheart’.

Reaching the bridge, you fly up to the window.

_ I’m gonna scare the shit outta Sulu _ . You think to yourself. Inside, you see Kirk and Bones yelling at Spock, no doubt about what he said earlier. As much as Uhura and the rest of them were angry, you didn’t blame him. He’s still half-Vulcan, and he works with logic. Logic states that it makes the most sense to have turned you over, especially given that the Enterprise has never fought a Phoenix before. 

Yet, he’s getting torn a new one. Eventually, Bones just slams his hands on the back of Kirk’s chair and stops talking. Sulu and Chekov have their backs turned. Apparently, everyone is in on the debate. 

Suddenly, you realize you don’t see Jenna. Before you can think about it more, movement catches your eye. Chekov is jumping up and down, staring at you. His eyes are as big as saucers. He turns to Kirk, who is still arguing with Spock and ignores him. Next he grabs Sulu’s arm and whips his chair around. 

Sulu’s eyes go wide. He scrambles out of his chair and grabs Kirk. Bones, upon seeing you, almost has a heart attack. Spock raises his eyebrows in surprise and Uhura nearly hugs the glass. 

You wait a second for everyone to calm down. Kirk rushes up to the glass. He says something but you can’t hear him. You point to the side.

“Open… the… airlock,” you mouth slowly. 

Kirk’s face scrunches up in confusion. Rolling your eyes, you look at Uhura. Being Starfleet’s best xenolinguist, she knows more languages than anyone you’ve ever met. Your hands move rapidly as you use ASL to communicate with her. Though you’re a little rusty, she seems to get the message. Turning to Kirk, she says something. In the back, Bones pulls out a PADD and passes it to Kirk. 

Kirk scribbles on it with his finger and then holds it up to you. 

**“Just to check... Airlock?”**

You nod, smiling. Kirk says something to Chekov and he hits the intercom, no doubt getting Scotty. Uhura looks up at you again. You sign something else. 

“I. Have. Friends.” 

Uhura turns to Kirk and relays the message. He scribbles on the PADD again.

**“. . .That’s great?”**

Bones and Uhura see the note and they both slap him upside the head. Realization dawns on him. Uhura signs to you.

“How. Many?” 

You sign back. “5.6.” 

She tells Kirk. 

**“You know how to party.”**

Another head slap.

You tap your watch, starting to get impatient. The time it took to reach New Vulcan, help grab everyone’s gear, and fly back chewed up hours of precious time. According to your count, you only have fourteen hours left before Duine Dána returns. Kirk looks at you and his face goes serious. 

**“Meet you at the airlock.”**

All of you are lined up outside the single airlock connecting to the shuttlebay. Given the ship’s position, it’s the easiest to access. You have no intention of flying anywhere closer to the Enterprise’s massive engines than you have to. Charlie helped you to split everyone up onto groups of four while Matt told them to hide their wings so that they’d fit. If the situation weren’t so grim, you’d almost laugh at how everyone looks as they struggle to stay together.

“Okay guys, once we’re inside, out of respect to the crew, English only. Understood?”

They nod. “Yes, ma’am.”

You hear a loud clang against the hull from the inside of the ship. 

“Alright, guys, that’s the signal. First group, you’re up,” you say in English.

Charlie takes the lead as the airlock's outer door slowly swings open. Once her group is inside, the door shuts itself again. A few seconds later, you hear another clang. 

It takes a grueling half an hour to get everyone inside and onboard the Enterprise. You’re part of the last group, ensuring you’re the very last one to get to safety. 

As soon as you exit the airlock, you begin to search for Jenna. After scanning the room for a few seconds, you see her talking with a few of her old phoenix friends.

“Jenna!” You unclip your mask and goggles, throwing them on the floor.

She rushes over to you, nearly toppling you in a hug. Almost as quickly as she embraces you, though, does she back up. A flash of silver and blue catches your eye as your cheek begins to sting.

“Ow… that hurt.” You rub the place she slapped you. Jenna stands in front of you, arms crossed. Her eyes are red and puffy and her uniform is wrinkled. Lead forms in your stomach at seeing her like this.

“Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N don’t you  _ ever  _ pull that shit  _ ever _ again. When you ran off like that, I thought you were dead. I thought-” Her voice cracks. A tear rolls down her cheek, all of her usual composure gone.

“Jen…” You pull her into your arms. “I’m so sorry. I’m not going anywhere. I didn’t mean to scare you, I just-”

Her face is buried in your chest. “I thought I lost you.” 

You crack a smile. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.” 

She musters a grin, pulling on the fabric of your shirt. Pulling back, she takes a shaky breath as she regains her composure. She holds out her hand to you. 

“Good. Now put that ring back on your finger or so help me God I’ll shove it so far up your ass that you’ll have to open your mouth to propose to me.”

Everyone around you oohed at the zing as fire sparked at the tips of your ears. 

“Roasted,” Liam laughs.

“What the hell is a ‘roast’?” You hadn’t seen McCoy behind the crowd. His question only leads to more laughing. 

“God, how old are these kids?” One phoenix asks. 

You ignore their teasing and kiss Jenna’s forehead. Taking your ring back, you slip it over your finger. Having it back fills a hole in your chest that had been eating away at you.

Someone clears their throat next to you. Captain Kirk looks at you expectantly. 

“You’ve got some explaining to do.”

You open up your mouth to speak, but another voice cuts you off. 

Ambassador Spock appears next to Dr. McCoy. “I believe I can be of help with that.”


	29. Chapter 29

First, you get your friends situated aboard the Enterprise. Then, with the help of Ambassador Spock, you explain your plan to Kirk, McCoy, and the others. 

“I don’t like this,” Dr. McCoy repeats from his perch on the armrest of Kirk’s chair.

“Bones,” Kirk looks up at him. “That’s the fifth time you’ve said that.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that I think you’re out of your mind for agreeing to this.” He exclaims.

“Dr. McCoy does have a point, Captain.”

McCoy groans. “What did I tell you the last time, Spock? Don’t agree with me. It makes me very uncomfortable.” 

“I calculate the chances of success to only be 14.81%. I suggest we formulate another plan.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose. “We don’t have time for that, Spock. I get that the odds are against us, but we have to try.” You look up at Kirk, and he nods in understanding. He’s been one to beat the odds his whole Starfleet career. As a captain, he understands making the tough calls. Hell, from what you’ve learned about him, his whole career has been a series of tough calls.

Everyone falls silent as they look at Kirk expectantly. Though he may goof off, the respect the crew has for Kirk is immense. No matter what he decides about this, they’ll back his play. 

“Y/N’s right. Spock, you said it yourself we have no chance at beating his ship. We can’t run, but we can damn well fight.” He turns to you. “When will you guys be ready?”

You take a deep breath and check your watch. “We have nine hours until he comes back. I need to speak with them and coordinate teams-”

“And you need to sleep beforehand.” McCoy and Jen interject. 

You exhale. “We should be ready right on time.”

Kirk nods. “Alright, then. Let’s get this party started.”


	30. Chapter 30

You enter the turbolift and begin to plan out the attack. The doors begin to whoosh closed when a hand stops them. The familiar blue uniform catches your eye.

“Jen, I know don’t want me doing this, but-”

Dr. McCoy’s figure steps in, making your face burn a little. 

“Sorry darlin’, but I’m not your girlfriend.”

You sigh and roll your eyes. “Lemme guess, this is your last-ditch effort to convince me to not go through with this?”

He studies you for a moment before finally answering. “No.” 

“Then what?” 

“Though I still think your plan is a suicide mission and it’s absolutely ridiculous,” You open your mouth to protest, but he raises a hand. “I understand. I’m just here to wish you good luck.” He pauses. “While you were gone, I watched as everyone was worried sick about you. Hell, I was freaking out wondering where you went. And don’t even get me started on Scotty. You woulda thought the whole ship was about to burn down the way he was cryin’…”

Guilt twists once again in your stomach. Jen’s red-rimmed eyes flash in your mind.

McCoy reads you and lays a hand on your shoulder. “I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, darlin’. I always tell Jim ‘a little suffering is good for the soul’.” He chuckles, then turns serious again. “I’m saying this to remind you of something I think you might’ve forgotten: We care about you.” He holds your gaze for a second. “So, come home safe, ok?”

Your eyes well up as McCoy pulls you into a hug. You’re completely engulfed in his broad frame, and the smell of antiseptic and something earthy calms you. After a moment, you wipe your eyes and pull away. 

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“Absolutely, sweetheart.”

The doors to the turbolift whoosh open, indicating you’ve arrived. You step out and a sense of calm washes over you. 

_ You’re trained for this, Y/N. You know what to do. _

The walk to the shuttlebay seems to take forever. You can almost feel the ticking of your watch on your wrist. Even though the fight is still hours away, adrenaline is already starting to pump through your veins. The feelings of fear, sadness, and guilt from everything that has happened in the past few days are all gone. All that’s left is sheer determination that burns hot in your chest. No matter what it takes, you’re going to kill Duine Dána. 

The shuttle bay doors loom in front of you. Despite the Enterprise’s size, your fellow phoenixes have been waiting in the shuttle bay simply because there’s nowhere else they could fit. Pushing the doors open, you see over fifty phoenixes milling about the spacious room. Most of them are checking gear and helping one another with their suits, while some are discussing plans of attack. Across the room, you see Matt explaining a battle maneuver to a group of phoenixes with help from Charlie, who displays Matt’s memories from training for them to watch. In another area, gray and black fire catches your eye as Noah uses his abilities of void travel to find needed supplies and help gather weapons. 

Liam is the first to see you as you walk over to the middle of the room. “Hey, Y/N. What time do we need to be ready?”

“I’ll answer that in a second.” Your wings cast a new light on the room as you float a few feet off the ground. “If I could have your attention?” 

Everyone turns to you. You motion for the crowd to gather around. 

“Now, for my first trick, I will do the impossible: Make Zoe laugh.” A wave of laughter rolls through the group, releasing some tension as phoenixes around Zoe tease her. She glares at you, though you can see a hint of a smile around her eyes. “Judging by the scowl I’m getting, comedy may not be the best career choice for me.” More laughter. You raise your hand again to get them to quiet down. “Alright, down to business. Here’s the plan: Charlie,” You pause, looking around. “Where are you?” 

“Right here,” She waves her hand. 

“Ah, thank you. I’m getting blind from old age. Charlie, you’ll be leading Alpha Squad. That will consist of Liam, Malcolm, Audrey, Sarah, William, Jamie, Alex…” As you list off the other half of the names, the crowd shifts to let the alpha squad phoenixes move towards Charlie. “Your job is to attack the main section of the ship. Hit ‘em hard and hit ‘em fast. I need you to buy time and open up a hole for Beta Squad.” You turn to find Zoe in the crowd. “Zoe, you’re leading Beta Squad. Once Charlie’s squad makes a way, you two join up. I want you guys to tear that ship apart.” The two girls share a wicked grin.“Do as much damage as possible and take down as many of Dána’s men as you can.”

You search the crowd. “Hannah, Addison, Liz, Jake, Ethan, Aaron, Mikey, Avery, Naomi, Payton, Colby, and Austin. You’re all in Gamma Squad. Matt, you’re in charge of this one. You are to make your way to their shuttle bay. Spock has the blueprints for you. I don’t want Dána or any of his followers to escape. Once you destroy the shuttle bay, regroup with Zoe and Charlie and sweep the ship.” Matt nods and gathers his squad. “Noah?” The kid has always been good at blending in, and you’re not surprised it takes you a second to find him. “There you are. You’re leading Delta Squad.” You lock eyes with him. “This is the most important part of the mission.” Because of Noah’s void traveling abilities, you know he’ll be perfect for this. “I need you and your group to sneak down to the engine room. Shut everything down, starting with the weapons system. As soon as we start the attack, Dána is going to do his damn best to kill as many people as possible. No doubt his first target will be the Enterprise or even the Vulcan colony.” You call out the names of the ones in Delta squad. “Dána will be hailing the Enterprise in eight hours. I want to use the element of surprise to the fullest. Once you discuss your individual plans with your squad leaders, get some rest. Blankets and pillows from Enterprise storage will be arriving shortly.”

“What will you be doing? You aren’t part of any of the squads.” Noah’s voice, though it’s soft, carries in the shuttlebay. Once again, all eyes are on you.

You take a deep breath. “I’m going after Dána.” 


	31. Chapter 31

Light snores echo throughout the shuttlebay, coming from somewhere among the mass of phoenixes that lay on the floor around you. Even though all of you have been out of the service for years, you’ve still kept up your combat training. Phoenixes must always be ready to fight. Even though this applies more so to battle, it’s noticeable in the way that everyone subconsciously formed neat rows when you all crashed. 

_ Once a Phoenix, always a Phoenix,  _ you muse. Audrey, a phoenix from the air battalion, lies next to you on one side, her curly brown hair fanning out on her pillow. On the other side of you is Jenna. As soon as she finished helping Dr. McCoy prep medbay for tomorrow, she came down to the shuttlebay to stay with you. Slowly, you move her arm from off your chest and lay it next to her. Gingerly, you get up, careful to be as quiet as possible. Someone snorts at your feet.

“Donuts…” they murmur in phoenix before rolling back over.

You continue to creep across the room, heading for the window. The stars twinkle hello as you stare up at them. 

Space has always captivated you. Maybe it’s the enormity of it, the fact that you could travel for years and years, and  _ still  _ barely cover any ground compared to the sheer size of space. Or maybe it’s the possibility for adventure that comes from encountering new planets and new people, some of them never having been contacted before. Deep down, you know what it is. The existentialism that hits you as you gaze up at the stars would make the cold fingers of panic claw at the back of most people’s minds. Yet, to you, it’s a strange comfort to feel so small, to be reminded that there’s more out there, that you haven’t seen everything or experienced the world. 

_ That there are second chances. _

Your heart aches for it, not just for you, but for everyone. A wave of exhaustion washes over you, but it’s not the kind that sleep can fix. This exhaustion has been gnawing at your bones for years, breaking you down from the inside out. Calling out to you, telling you to give up, like a siren calling for a sailor, beckoning to him from the deep. You want this to be  _ done.  _ You want to go back, back to when your parents were alive. Back to when this seemingly impossible weight wasn’t on your shoulders. Back to when your friends were screaming because of games of hide and seek and not because they were being slaughtered like animals.  _ By  _ animals. Your shoulders slump, weary from carrying it all. The guilt. The pain. The sadness. You don’t know how much more you can take. In a few hours, you’ll be in the middle of one of the worst fights of your life. You turn to face your slumbering friends. How many, you wonder, will die? Which ones? What will you say to their families? It will crush them, you realize, They think their loved ones are at some Vulcan colony, when in reality they may die tomorrow. They’ll never even get the chance to say goodbye. 

“Hey…” Jen’s voice makes you jump. “Can’t sleep?”

You nod numbly. She quietly closes the gap and holds you. 

“It’s gonna be ok. I’ve seen you fight, Y/N. If anyone can do this, it’s you.”

“I know, it’s just-” You falter, looking back at the phoenixes. 

“Hey,” She cradles your face in her hands. “They’ve made their choice. They know the risk.”

“A lot of them are going to die, Jen.” You say quietly. 

She glances at them. “Maybe. But that’s not on you. That’s on Dána. What you need to do is lead them, Y/N. Lead them and fight.”


	32. Chapter 32

Jen’s words echo in your head as you slip your combat gear on. All around the room, phoenixes check their squadmates’ gear as they suit up. Just as you sheath your swords, you hear a voice behind you. 

“Want me to check you over?”

You smile. “Just like old times, huh?” 

Matt grins. Placing his hands on your shoulders, he gently spins you around, examining your gear. 

After a minute, he declares you’re all set. 

“Your turn.” You say as you face him. His wings are easily twice the size of yours. After clearing him, Noah, Charlie, and Zoe join you. Deja vu hits you. 

“Everybody ready?” you ask. 

They nod. 

Kirk walks over to you, McCoy and Spock in tow. 

“We’re ready, Y/N.” Despite having not gotten much sleep, his blue eyes are alert. McCoy looks around the room. 

“Whole damn army in here,” he mutters, taking in the group of phoenixes, all of you armed to the teeth. The shuttlebay reminds you of a disco with the way the different colors of fire reflect off the metal walls. Though your mask hangs from around your neck, most phoenixes already have their masks and goggles on, which only adds to the dangerous look. 

“Is she in position?” 

Kirk nods. In order for Charlie’s squad to be able to initiate the attack, the Enterprise has to be close enough to Dána’s ship to cover them. His ship had arrived only a few minutes ago, and Kirk followed Spock’s calculations and placed her in just the right position. Kirk made sure the main airlock lines up closest so that Dána will think that he’s simply positioning the ship so that you can make your trip over. Little will he realize you, with fifty-five other phoenixes following you, will be leaving the shuttlebay and heading up a surprise attack. 

Jenna comes up next to you. Reaching for your hand, she gives it a squeeze. Though the lower half of her face is covered by her combat mask, you can see the smile crinkles around her eyes. Her combat suit differs from the rest. She has the standard uniform and boots, but instead of a utility belt designed for extra weapons, hers is full of medical supplies and what she likes to call “powerups”. Like using any ability, healing can quickly sap a phoenix’s strength. 

You give her a reassuring nod. Adrenaline begins to pump through your veins as you look out at the crowd in front of you. All fear and sadness from last night has been replaced with burning rage and hatred. As you spread your wings, Kirk, McCoy, and Spock back up. The other squad leaders follow your lead, and together you rise up above the group. 

“Alright, everyone,” You raise your voice in order to get their attention. Unlike last time, everyone is organized by squad and lined up neatly. They stare up at you like soldiers awaiting their orders. “We leave in a few minutes. I just want to say thank you. You had the choice to run, to let fear control you. Instead, you have chosen to stand up and fight. I’ve fought beside hundreds of phoenixes, but you guys are the bravest I’ve ever met. This is the fight of our lives. Remember what you’re fighting for, _who_ you’re fighting for. This is way bigger than us. The fate of our people, the fate of _millions_ , rests on our shoulders. This is our chance to prove to the world who we are. Duine Dána has taken everything from us. Mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers have all fallen because of his sword. It’s high time his reign of terror ends once and for all. It’s high time he pays for the blood on his hands.” The phoenixes nod. “So, they hit you, you hit them back harder. They kill your teammate, you put them through the worst pain imaginable. All bets are off. We’ve shown them far too much mercy.” Your eyes begin to burn. “They want a fight, we’re going to give it to them. We’re going to tear these fuckers apart.”

You lock eyes with Matt and the others. They nod. You motion for them to follow, and the squads begin to move out. 

“Let’s show them what war  _ truly  _ looks like.”


	33. Chapter 33

“Are you ready to turn yourself over?”  Duine Dána  sneers. His eyes burn with excitement as he stands in front of the screen, arms crossed, looking like a prizefighter waiting to collect his winnings.

Kirk is in his chair, his shoulders heavy and his eyes red. “Please-” he chokes out.

Dána barks out what you think is an attempt at a laugh, though it sounds more like the beginnings of a diagnosis of mesothelioma. “Save your pathetic begging and make your decision.”

“Sir, he’s locking weapons on us.” Mr. Sulu turns in his chair to face Kirk. 

You turn to face the bridge crew, wings folded. “This is our battle, not yours.” 

Jen nods. “Get yourselves out of here.”

Lt. Uhura steps up, facing you. Your fire reflects off her dark eyes. “He’ll kill you!” 

“I agree with Lt. Uhura,” Spock stands beside her, hands behind his back. “It is illogical for you both to fight him alone.”

“There is no fight, Vulcan.”  Dána’s voice makes your veins stop cold with fear. “Only a choice. Her, or the crew?”

“He’s threatening all of us, not just you two. We’re in this together.” Kirk’s blue eyes are clouded with anger. 

“We don’t have time for this!” Jen shouts, jumping Chekov, who’s sitting next to Mr. Sulu. “You need to get out of here.  _ Now.  _ He’s-”

The bridge shakes violently. Spock steadies Uhura. Kirk grabs his chair. 

“Sir, they fired at us again!”

Dána’s booming voice cuts through the alarms.  “Stop playing, Y/N. Turn yourself over or I kill everyone onboard your puny ship.”

“Sir, deck five has a breach.” A bridge member calls out.

“That’s his last warning shot.” You say, voice pleading. “Let me go, Kirk.”

Kirk looks at you, his eyes a mix of sadness and anger. Then he looks up at  Dána. 

“She’ll be at the airlock in five,” His voice is laced with defeat and fear. Everyone on the bridge pales. Uhura moves to stop you, but Spock holds her back. 

Dána smiles at you, his teeth flashing like a wolf. “Finally. You’ve made the right decision, Captain.” 

The screen goes black.


	34. Chapter 34

“Ya know, if you weren’t a Starfleet captain, I’d say you’d make a great actor.” 

Kirk grins. “Yeah, not bad, huh?” 

Jen points at Uhura. “She was the best. That last bit there with Spock… Damn.” Sulu and Chekov nod in agreement. Spock’s face goes green as Uhura slips out from his grip. 

Your face turns serious again, and you lock eyes with Kirk. “Time to go.”

He nods. “Everyone to battle stations.” The collision alarm fades as it’s replaced with a new klaxxon. 

Entering the turbolift, you and Jen head down to the shuttlebay. Instinctively, you check your equipment over one last time. Everything is in place. Satisfied, you take your mask off the back clip of your utility belt and put it on. Jen turns her back to you and you gingerly brush her ponytail out of the way and clip her mask on for her. 

“Downside of having long hair,” she jokes. You say nothing, completely focused on the fight ahead. In your mind, you go over countless backup plans. 

The doors whoosh open, and you step out first. Your strides are long and purposeful, and Jen struggles to keep up. You greet Scotty as he stands at the shuttlebay door. 

Though you expected him to be angry because of earlier, surprisingly, he gives you a hug. “Be safe, lassie.”

“I’ll be fine, Scotty. Just take care of her while I’m gone.” You affectionately pat the wall closest to you.

“‘Course,” he says, knowing you mean the Enterprise. 

Scotty follows you and Jen as you enter the shuttlebay. He stands by the airlock, waiting for your go-ahead. Taking Jen’s hand, you fly over to the tiny space. Before Dána hailed the ship, Charlie and the other squad leaders began the slow process of moving everyone out of the bay and into space. Currently, they’re taking cover behind one of the reaction-control thrusters. 

You give the thumbs-up to Scotty, and the computerized voice begins to count down. 

“Ladies first,” Jen starts to move to climb into the airlock, but you stop her.   
“Not this time,” You say, going ahead of her. If anything goes wrong, you want to be between her and Dána’s ship.

Holding your hand to steady herself, she climbs in after you. You reach over her and shut the door. 

“5… 4…” 

Jen snaps her goggles down. 

“Remember to breathe, and don’t use your wings,” you tell her. No doubt the phoenixes waiting outside have theirs tucked away, too. The bright fire might attract attention that you can’t afford to get. 

Instead of responding, she just squeezes your hand before separating again, not wanting to break any limbs from getting tangled on the way out. 

“2…” 

The one, like before, is cut off by what sounds like hurricane-force winds that rip you and Jen out of the airlock. Thankfully, Scotty adjusted the pressure flow so that you float only a few feet away from the Enterprise. If he hadn’t you and Jen would’ve been like bugs on a windshield hitting Dána’s ship. 

Jen tenses up next to you. Though you can’t see her eyes, you imagine them wide with panic. 

“Breathe.” You give her a few seconds to get used to the different airflow while you go underneath the huge thruster to grab the rest of the group. 

Keeping your voice low, you whisper, “Ready?”

A pair of cobalt-silver eyes stare back at you. “Hell yeah.” 

Moving methodically, the squads separate out and head to their designated positions. Jenna joins the back of Zoe’s squad. In case anyone gets hurt on the way in, she’ll be able to heal them. Though she isn’t as skilled of a fighter as you, she can hold her own in combat.

“Never thought I might die alongside a nerd,” Zoe grunts, bringing up your old rivalry. She’s always held a certain disgust for sciences, arguing that you don’t need science and numbers to fight. Of course, you always bring up how, without science, they wouldn’t be able to fight like they do. Though the debate at first started with heat and anger, it slowly evolved into a consistent teasing between the two of you.

You hold out your hand to her, the corners of your mouth curling upwards. “How about a friend?”

She thinks for a moment and then smiles ever so slightly, grasping your hand and shaking it strongly. “Yeah, that I can do.” 

You can’t shake the feeling that you’re approaching the gates of Hell as you fly towards the ship. It looms like the Horseman of Death awaiting the collection of their newest victim’s soul. The inky black paneling of the ship blends in with the blanket of black behind it. If it weren’t for the blood red swords and shield on the side of the ship, you would barely be able to see it. You steel yourself. 

“Look, if anything happens to me-” She falters, her voice uncharacteristically soft.

You hold a hand up. “You of all people know you shouldn’t go into a fight like that.”

She swallows and ignores you. “It’s been an honor.”

You squeeze her hand and the two of you lock eyes, the intensity of your gazes burning through the cold seeping into your bones. “Honor’s all mine.”

Motioning to Charlie, she nods and she and her squad crawl like spiders along the paneling and up to a weak spot by the bottom of the hull. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Matt make his way to a series of hull breach monitors a few meters away. Dim blue fire and electricity sparks from his hands as he overrides the system and disables the alarm. Now Dána won’t know you’re coming. Looking to Charlie, he gives the signal to go ahead. Another phoenix, Naomi, moves next to Charlie and removes a glove from her hand. Closing her eyes, she places her hand on the plating. Silver-white fire burns against the metal and it turns red hot. Next to her, phoenixes in Alpha squad begin to peel the outer layer back as she slips into the hole and burns all the way through to the jeffries tubes of Dána’s ship. 

You turn to Noah and black smoke begins to float around him as he raises his arms, opening a portal. Slipping in, he and his squad disappear into the freezing cold of the Void. 

“Ma’am?” Matt looks at you. You give him the go-ahead and his squad quickly flies towards the back of the ship where the shuttlebay is located. 

Next is Zoe. Her, Jenna, and Beta squad crawl against the paneling to the other side opposite Alpha. Zoe unsheaths her twin Dirks viciously stabs the hull plating. After a few moments, she’s made another hole to the Jefferies tubes. She nods to Naomi. 

“Ma’am,” Naomi whispers to you. “We’re ready.”

You key you comms. “Everyone in position?”

Matt, Noah, and Zoe answer in the affirmative. Charlie simply nods.

“Alright guys, move in.”

Summoning your wings, you unsheath your swords and plunge into the darkness.


	35. Chapter 35

Nimbly, you drop from the Jefferies tube into the hallway. You hear a gasp behind you. Without even looking, you swing your sword and behead the rebel. Hot blood splatters against the wall and hisses as it comes in contact with your ice cold sword before it drips off your blade and falls to the floor.   
You motion to Charlie. Silently, they move down the hallway to the left. You go to the right.   
It only takes a few seconds for the sounds of fighting to echo down the hall to your ears. Metal clashing against metal, groaning, and screams fill your ears but you ignore it. A group of ten rebels arrives from a side corridor. It’s only a matter of time before the alarm is sounded.   
With a savage grin, you let out a monstrous, rage-filled roar and jump into battle.  
The first three fall with a single sweep of your swords. A blade comes down near your head. Using your wing, you block it. You groan as you push him back, making him fall to the ground. The sickening crack of his head hitting the floor confirms the threat has been eliminated. Fire burns hot, though it’s too close for any of you to use your powers effectively. It comes down to pure skill. Swinging a leg out, you sweep a rebel off their feet. A fountain of blood spurts out of their neck and onto your face as your blade stabs through their throat. Twisting, you stab another in the gut with one sword while using your other one to slice at another rebel. A scream of pain and a meaty thud follows as his arm falls to the floor. He clutches at the stump, blood pouring out from between his fingers. Arcing your sword over your head, you bring it down on his neck. His head rolls across the floor. You feel the heat of fire against your back. Grabbing the dismembered rebel by the uniform, you swing his body around and use it as a shield as a column of red flame shoots out from a rebel’s hand. The smell of roasting flesh makes your stomach flip. Skin and blood sizzles and drips off of his body.   
You quickly realize your makeshift shield won’t last much longer. The rebel yelps in surprise as you shove the body at him. Upon instinct, he makes the mistake of trying to catch it. He should have raised his blade instead. His head is down as the body drops to the floor. Seeing an opening, you rush at him and run him through. The weight pulls your sword to the floor as the rebel collapses. His legs twitch and spasm on the ground like a fish flopping on dirt, desperate for air. Placing a boot on his chest, you pull your sword out of his nervous system with a sickening slurp.   
“All squads, report.”  
Charlie responds first. “All good here.”  
“What’s your count?”  
“Roughly fifteen.”  
“Ok, I just took down ten.”   
Matt keys his comm. “We just had five.”  
“Lucky bastard,” Zoe jokes. “We killed nineteen.”  
They report injuries and locations, but you don’t hear the specifics.   
Your mind races. “Where’s Noah?”   
The floor shakes underneath you as the corridor goes black.   
“In the engine room, apparently.” Matt answers.   
You grin. “Nice.”  
Shutting off your comm, you continue down the hall. Your goggles automatically adjust to the darkness, making it look as though the lights never shut off in the first place.   
“Stay where you are!” A rebel shouts in Phoenix.   
You turn. A single rebel stands between you and the end of the corridor. The pounding of boots coming from behind him indicates you two won’t be alone for much longer.   
“Easy,” you say, holding up your hands, swords still out.  
He approaches you cautiously. His orchid-purple wings burn bright. He deepens his voice in order to assert dominance, a dead give away that he’s an amateur. “Put ‘em down slowly.”   
“Alright.” You lay your sword down at your feet.   
“Can’t wait to watch what the boss is gonna do to you, pretty thing.” His strides are filled with cockyness as he makes his way over to you. He sheathes his swords. “I bet he won’t mind if I have a little fun first.” You notice the fabric around his area tighten up in anticipation.   
“That suit really doesn’t flatter your figure. Let me help with that.” His calloused hand strokes your cheek, his eyes burning with hunger. Before he can act, you quickly grab his arm with your left hand. At the same time, you snatch up one of your blades. In one swift motion, you kick his legs out from underneath him and spin him around. His shoulder makes a loud popping sound as you yank it backwards with all your strength. Taking your blade, you shove it between his legs and pull up. He lets out a scream, but you ignore it.   
“No kids for you,” you growl. His eyes roll up in the back of his head as he slips into unconsciousness from the pain. Snapping his neck, you finish the job.  
The sound of boots draws dangerously close. Caked blood on your face flakes off as you push your sweaty hair back. You grab your other sword. Hands burning, you run towards your enemy.


	36. Chapter 36

The ship shakes as another torpedo is shot towards the Enterprise. You fly as fast as you dare down the corridors, Matt and Gamma squad following close behind. 

“What the hell!” You burst into the engine room. Steam hisses out of pipes above you and billows across the room. You land, eyes searching for Noah and his team. 

Matt catches your arm, stopping you from face planting as you trip over something. You look down. Glassy, unfocused eyes stare up at you. You suck in a breath, realizing it’s one of your own. Matt reaches down and checks for a pulse. He looks back up at you and shakes his head. 

You push it aside. You can’t afford to grieve right now. 

As you and Gamma squad stalk through the engine room, you find more of Dána’s men, their bodies strewn about on the floor. 

“Noah!” you call out.

“Y/N?” A voice responds after a few seconds. You recognize it, but it’s definitely not Noah. 

You round a corner only to find a scene that makes your heart stop. Hunter, a phoenix from Delta squad, is on his knees, tending to Noah’s leg that’s in front of him.

Or what’s left of it.

Everything from the knee down is completely gone. Blood pools below the stump and streams down across the floor towards your already blood-soaked boots. 

“Jesus…” 

“We gotta get him outta here. We couldn’t shut down the weapons, ma’am. We tried, but…” Hunter’s voice trails off as he glances down at Noah, whose face has gone ghostly pale. Beads of sweat roll down the side of his face. His eyelids droop. “The rest of the squad is shutting the core down now.” 

Matt places a hand on Hunter’s shoulder. “It’s ok.”

You nod. “Stay with him.” You turn to one of the members of Matt’s squad. “Help him get Noah out of here.”

She begins to scoop up Noah. “Where do you want us to go, ma’am?”

With the shuttlebay completely destroyed, the options are limited.

“There’s an emergency airlock near the main core entrance.” 

“But it has a dual lock mechanism,” Matt reminds you, making you grateful that he studied the blueprints with you. 

“That’s right.” You select two more of Matt’s men. “Let them out. As soon as they’re gone, come back here.” They nod and rush off with the group. 

A phoenix from Delta squad flies up to you, panic creeping into her voice. “Ma’am, we can’t shut them off. Dána, he’s overridden the commands.”

Your face pales as you key your comm. “Charlie, Zoe, how are you guys doing?”

You have to repeat your question twice before Zoe responds. “The rest of the ship is secure, ma’am. Dána has sealed off the bridge. Do you want us to -”

You cut her off. “No. They can’t get the weapons offline. How are the Enterprise’s shields holding up?”

Charlie answers this time, her voice tense. “They’re taking a beating, ma’am.”

Your heart hammers in your chest. 

Matt looks at you. “What’s the plan, ma’am?” 

“I’m going to shield the Enterprise for as long as I can.”

Zoe begins to protest. “But the second Dána knows you’re on the Enterprise  _ alone,  _ he’ll go over and kill you!”

Charlie gasps. “That’s exactly the point. She’s going to draw him away from the bridge so we can take it over.”

Matt shakes his head. “It’s a suicide mission, Y/N.” 

You nod grimly. “We have no other choice. We can’t fight our way into the bridge with him there. We’d never stand a chance.”

“So you want to fight him alone?” Zoe scoffs. 

You look down at your bloody hands. “I’m the only one that can do this. And this isn’t up for debate. Charlie, Zoe, Matt, as soon as Dána leaves, secure the bridge.” 

The comms go silent. Matt just stands there, going pale. Phoenixes in Gamma squad exchange shocked looks.

“That’s an  _ order. _ ” 

“Yes, ma’am,” they mumble quietly. 

Spreading your wings, you make your way to the airlock, Gamma squad on your heels. Matt and another phoenix stand by the locking mechanism, hands resting on the lever. 

“Ma’am, if we don’t see each other again…” Matt raises his arms in the phoenix salute. You look around, tears pricking your eyes as the rest of the Gamma squad does the same, their faces masks of sadness and respect. 

You stand, back straight, and salute back. “It’s been an honor.” You try to keep your voice steady as your heart twists. 

“The honor is all ours, ma’am,” Matt whispers. A tear trails down his face. 

“Good luck, Y/N,” Charlie’s voice is soft. 

“Go kill that bastard,” Zoe tries to keep up her usual grumpy attitude, but her voice breaks with pain.

Just as you open the door to the airlock, someone breaks through the crowd. Tears stain her cheeks. 

“Jenna, I have to.”

She nods numbly. “I know. But you’re not going alone.”

Before you can protest, she crawls into the airlock before you. Defeated, you join her inside. She interlocks her shaking hand with yours. You swallow hard. Looking to Matt, he purses his lips as another tear splatters to the floor. He and the other phoenix pull the lever, and you and Jen are shot into space.


	37. Chapter 37

Quickly regaining your bearings, you fly as fast as you can back to the Enterprise, Jenna in hot pursuit. You dodge the red hot phasers of Dána’s ship. The Enterprise’s blue shields shimmer weakly, threatening to collapse at any second. Her hull is streaked with black where holes in the shields have already been exploited. 

Arriving at the shuttlebay’s airlock, you tear off its hinges. Thankfully, you had told Scotty to close the bay off just in case. You back up a few meters before flying full speed inside. Ramming your shoulder against the inner door, it flings open, the thick locks sheared off. Alarms blare as the pressure changes. As soon as Jen is safely inside, you slam the door shut again. 

You grab her hand and run towards the doors. The turbolift ride to the bridge takes agonizingly long. The ship shakes as the lights flicker from red back to white. You and Jen share a look. 

Time is running out. 

The doors whoosh open just as another torpedo hits the shield. Jen is thrown against the wall. 

“Get out of here!” you scream. Kirk spins around, his eyes wide. The lights flicker to red as the ship groans. 

“Sir, the shields are failing. 20% and dropping.” Sulu’s voice is filled with panic.

“Keptin, I am reading major warp core failure!”

“Sir, there are breaches on deck 12 and 17!” 

You grab Kirk by the shoulders. “Get out of here.”

He looks at you then out at his crew. The ship shudders again. “Everybody, abandon bridge.”

“Keptin-” Chekov protests, but Kirk raises a hand.

“That’s an order.” 

The members of the bridge crew stare at you and Jenna. A tear tracks down Uhura’s face. Sulu looks out at  Dána’s ship and then back at you in horror. Kirk repeats his order. Slowly, reluctantly, they enter the turbolift and leave. 

“Kirk,” You motion for him to get onto the turbolift. “Your crew needs you.” 

He stares at Dána’s ship on screen. 

“Are you sure you can fight him?” 

You and Jen exchange nervous glances. “Even if we can’t… we can at least buy you time.” 

His eyes are filled with pity and sorrow. He opens his mouth to say something, but stops. Turning, he enters the turbolift with the rest of his crew. 

Tears fill your eyes. “Now you.” 

Confusion crosses Jen’s face. “What? No, I’m not leaving you here!” 

“Jen,” Your voice is soft with pain. Fear pulses through your veins. As much as you don’t want to be alone, you have to keep Jen safe. You walk up to her, holding her hands. Her brow furrows. 

“What are you-” 

Quick as lightning, you kick her legs out from underneath her and catch her in your arms. She begins to thrash and scream as you shove her into Kirk’s arms. 

“What the fu-”

“Keep her safe. This is my fight. Nobody else needs to die today.” 

Punching the panel on the wall, the turbolift closes and they shoot upwards into the tunnels.

Taking a deep breath, you raise your arms.

“You wanna fight? Then let’s fight.” 


	38. Chapter 38

Alarms blare as the Enterprise's shields quickly lose power. Dána’s weapons cut through them like an eagle’s talons slicing through its prey. The ship shakes as the emergency lights flash. 

Blood drips down your nose and onto the floor. Both arms in front of you are burning bright with golden flames. Just as the ship’s shields drop to 10%, you summon a force field in front of the Enterprise. It shimmers amber gold, shielding her from Dána’s weapons. 

You fall to one knee, groaning in pain. This is the largest force field you’ve ever had to create. Every shot Dána takes at the ship is like another slice into your skin. 

Screaming, your arms shake. 

_ You put them up on a pedestal.  _ Dána’s voice flashes through your mind. 

_ Please, m-make it s-stop. _

_ We’ll be back before you know it.  _ Your mother’s soft smile is burned into your memory.

_ Y/N, we regret to inform you that your mother and father have been killed in the line of duty. _

__ Tears stain your cheeks, evaporating at the touch of the fire that surrounds you. 

You hear a whoosh of wings behind you. 

“J-” 

A wave of pain crashed across your jaw. Stumbling, you fall to the floor, blood pooling in your mouth.

Dána’s black boot slams down next to your face. Vision spinning, you grimace as he wipes a drop of blood from your jaw. Bringing his finger to his mouth, he licks the blood off. 

Heart pounding with fear, it takes almost all of your strength not to run. Any sudden movement, and your shields could come crashing down. 

Dána’s wings block your view of the rest of the bridge behind him. He leans his sword on the captain’s chair. 

“I want to do this the old fashioned way.” 

He kicks, his boot hitting you square in the ribs with a sickening crack. Coughing, blood and spit sprays out of your mouth and onto the floor. Reaching above you, you drag yourself up with the help of Mr. Sulu’s chair. Blood stains the helm as you struggle to stand straight. Dána’s cold eyes follow you.

He laughs. “And to think you’re parents were able to murder my son. Oh, they’d be so disappointed if they could see you now.” His grey wings block any chance of escape. 

You spit out a tooth. “You have no fucking clue what my parents were like!” You shout, bringing a wing down on him. He easily blocks it and continues laughing. 

Pinching the bone, he bends your wing back. Agony rolls through you as it reaches its breaking point and falls limpy to your side. You let out a scream of raw pain as your vision tunnels. You drag yourself away and try to focus on your shield. He raises his arm and flicks his wrist. A shimmer of silver catches your eye as his burning white sword sinks into your thigh. Falling onto your other knee, you pant as the pain causes your vision to go red.

“ _ Tell us where they are!” The interrogator shouts. You’re hanging from the ceiling, the rope around your wrists burning your skin. Blood drips down your forearms  _

_ “Ensign Y/L/N. Identification number 138-” _

_ You scream out in pain as another lash is added to your collection. The skin the whip hits hangs off of your bone. _

_ The interrogator faces you. “Where. Is. Your. Squadron?!” Spittle hits your face.  _

_ “Fuck. You.” You spit.  _

Your stomach rolls and you vomit on the floor. Wiping your mouth, you stand unsteadily and prepare for the next blow. 

_ Their lives are in your hands. Don’t. Give. Up.  _ You think to yourself. 

Dána’s boots thud against the floor as he comes to stand in front of you. Your head snaps to the side as he throws another punch, pain shooting through your right eye. You spit out a tooth. 

He grabs your chin, forcing you to look at him. He piercing grey eyes bore into you. 

“Your parents… they screamed out for you, you know?” 

Your nostrils flare as you tighten your jaw. Taking a shaky breath, you grab his sword with one hand. Screaming, you yank it out of your leg and swing it at his chest. 

Blood seeps through his shirt. He raises a hand to it, fingers dotted with blood. 

_ His blood.  _

Eyes burning, he snarls. His wing moves to hit you, but you raise your good wing to block, the force pushing you back against the wall. With your other arm, you hit him in the jaw. It’s like hitting concrete. The snapping of bones in your hand is audible. The Enterprise shakes violently as your shield falls and Dána’s weapons pummel her.

“You’re weak and pathetic.”

You raise your head, glaring up at him. “What you think of me…” you spit up blood. “does not change who I am.”

He laughs again. “They died alone, and so will you,” His hand wraps around your throat and he squeezes. Black dots dance in front of your eyes as you fight to stay conscious. His eyes burn with insanity as he flashes a smile at you that sends a shiver down your spine. He raises his sword. 

“I will… meet my death,” you choke, struggling to tilt your head up. You look him dead in the eyes. “... with h-honor.” 

He smiles wickedly. His voice is quiet and low. “They will never know. After all, the victors write the history.” 

He brings his sword down on your neck. 


	39. Chapter 39

A flash of blue fire crosses in front of you. Dána flies across the bridge, the wall and screen above him cracking at the impact.

You suck in air, coughing and grasping at your now-free throat. “Jen!” you choke out. You move to her, but end up yelping in pain. Blood soaks your pant leg and pools on the floor around your boots. 

“Get your shield up!” she yells. “I’ll deal with  _ him. _ ” 

Her wings open completely, blue mixing in with the gold and white fire illuminating the room. Her whole body is engulfed in blue flames. She reaches behind her, unsheathing her swords. 

“Don’t touch my girlfriend!” Jen screams, her voice echoing off the walls and overpowering the sirens. She flaps her wings, soaring over the helm and landing in front of Dána. In a flash of silver, fire, and feathers, they fight. Dána’s eyes go wide as Jenna wildly slashes at him, pure rage taking over. He barely has enough time to block her swords. Finally, one hits home. Dána screams out in pain as Jen stabs his stomach, her word sinking in to the hilt. 

One hand holding his bloody abdomen, Dána pants. Blood flows from cuts that cover his arms and face.

Your brand burns through your uniform sleeve as you struggle to keep your arms up. Dána’s ship stands squarely in front of the Enterprise, red lasers dissipating when they reach your shield. Your vision is fuzzy,; your arms feel like two sandbags. It takes all of your focus to stay conscious. 

Jen screams in pain as Dána slashes at her wings. Feathers and sparks fly. 

Gritting her teeth, Jen and Dána lock swords and push against each other. Blood and tears mix as a cut above her eyebrow drips blood into her eye. Grunting, she kicks Dána’s legs out from underneath him and flips him. His wings flicker. 

“If they hadn’t been wearing their wedding rings, they would have been  _ unidentifiable  _ because of  _ you!”  _ Jen’s swords are crossed at Dána’s neck beneath her. 

He smiles, teeth dripping with blood. 

“So will you, after this.” 

Jen’s eyes flash up to you, giving Dána the split second he needs. Bringing his wings up around her, he throws her against the wall. Blood streaks as her head slides down the wall, her limp body crumpling to the floor. 

“NO!” You scream. Your legs shake. 

“Now, now.” Dána wags a bony finger at you and then points at his ship. “You can either save her, or the crew?”

You watch, horrified, as he walks over to Jenna. You scream her name, but she doesn’t stir. Picking his sword up off the floor, he raises it to her throat. 

_ “A day will come, Y/N,” your mother kneels in front of you, gripping your shoulders tight. A tear slips down her cheek. “Where you will have to make a choice, a terrible, painful choice. But it will define who you are. It will separate you from the rest.” She taps your heart. “It will prove that you are a warrior. Your father and I are faced with this decision. If we stay, our people will fall. We cannot believe ourselves to be greater than everyone else. We must go, we must fight.” She looks up at you, fire burning in her eyes. “And if we must, then we die. When you face this choice, when you come to this crossroads, you will know in your heart what to do. You will know what choice you must make. Take the path of the warrior. Trust your heart, Y/N. It will not fail you.” _

Your heart pounds. Tears in your eyes, you look up at Dána’s ship and back at Jen. 

_ You know what you have to do. _


	40. Chapter 40

“Tóg mo cnaipíní sicín…” you whisper, voice weak. “ _ I give up my soul to you. _ ” Your vision goes white as power pulses through you. You feel your body rise off the floor. 

Screaming out, everything goes black. 


	41. Chapter 41

A force pushes you back. You look down as you rise to the ceiling, body nearly transparent. Blinking, you see yourself below you. You watch as your body moves against your will.

“What the-”

You’re cut off by a flash of brilliant white light. Wincing, you look away. When the light fades, pure white flames surround your body. Your eyes burn with white light as the flames lick your wings, smothering your weak golden fire. 

“You called on me.”. 

You jump. A woman stands beside you wearing a white, flowing dress. Her wings glow with the same white fire. 

You pause, taking in her flowing white hair and emerald green eyes. “Are you.... God?”

She laughs. “No, silly. I’m the Phoenix.” 

Realization hits you like a train. This is  _ the  _ Phoenix. No one in five thousand years has ever seen the Phoenix. She’s said to be the source of all phoenixes’ power, and giving up your soul allows her to reclaim you, to use you to do whatever it takes to stop a threat. It comes with a cost, however. 

“Watch.” She points to below you. 

Dána’s eyes go wide as he looks up to see your body. Striding over to him, you raise one flaming white hand, the other still holding up your shield. He skitters backwards in fear. At the flick of your wrist, his head lolls to the side, neck snapped. His gray fire fades as his wings disappear. 

“What the hell?” Down below, you snap your fingers and he disappears. 

You blink. “Where did he go?”

“The deepest pit of the void, where he can no longer hurt anyone.” Phoenix says simply. 

Your body’s hand reaches out to Jen. You scream, trying to warn her, but nothing comes out. Your hand comes dangerously close to her throat. 

“She’s not a threat!!” You grab Phoenix’s arm, desperate. 

She tilts her head at you, curious. “I know.” 

“W-what?”

Your body presses two fingers to Jen’s forehead, and she gasps awake. 

You sigh with relief, tears streaming down your face. 

“Y/N?” Her eyes are wide. Your whole body glows with white power. 

Your body ignores her and turns to Dána’s ship. Raising both arms, white flames erupt around your hands. Closing your fists, you destroy the ship’s weapons. 

A smile creeps onto your face. Jen stumbles up to you. 

“Y/N, are you ok?” 

You turn to her. “Your parents say hello.” The voice that comes out of your body isn’t yours. It’s Phoenix’s. 

Jen stares at you, confused. “What?” 

Phoenix turns to you. “Say goodbye.” Before you can stop it, you fly back across the room towards your body. 


	42. Chapter 42

“Wake up!” You hear a cry. “God, please wake up!” 

Drops splatter your face. You groan, blinking. Jen is crouching above you, crying. 

“Oh thank God,” she breathes, hugging you. 

Pain rolls through your body. You groan, grasping for your leg. Finding Jen’s hands there, you squeeze them as the pain shoots up. 

You look at her out of your good eye. Dried blood cracks on your lips as you speak. 

“Jen, I need you to know that being with you-”

Her voice shakes as more tears splatter to the floor. “No, no. You’re not going anywhere, understand? I still need to kick your ass for that crap you pulled on the bridge.” 

You smile weakly. Your vision is going dark. She shakes your shoulder.

“Keep talking to me,” she orders. 

Dr. McCoy rushes in beside her. Tears roll down his cheeks as he looks you up and down. 

“Just stay with us, darlin’.” He pulls out his medkit. 

You shake your head. “Jen, I gave it up. I gave her access.” 

She swallows, looking away, already knowing the truth. Dr. McCoy looks at you. 

“What do you mean?” he asks, applying pressure to your leg as Jen reaches for the medkit. You know it’s not curiosity that prompts him. When you don’t answer, he repeats the question, shaking your shoulder a little as you 

“She gave up her life force.” Jen’s voice cracks with pain. “Meaning she’s dying,” She chokes back a sob. “And we can’t stop it.” 

He looks between you, horrified. 

“There’s gotta be somethin’ we can do!” he demands. “Can’t you heal her?”

Jen shakes her head, face contorted with pain. “It doesn’t work that way.”

Kirk bursts into the room, sliding down next to Dr. McCoy. His blue eyes widen. He moves to say something to Dr. McCoy, but you can’t hear. 

You struggle to reach for her hand as the room grows dim. “Jen, I- I love you.” 

Tears splatter the floor. “I love you too,” she whispers, cradling you in her arms. 

The last thing you feel is Jen’s lips on your forehead before you’re plunged into darkness.


	43. Chapter 43

The air is knocked out of you by the cold. You sink deeper. Cold liquid surrounds you, dragging you down, filling your bones and chilling you to your core. Your chest is numb as pins and needles prick at your arms and legs. You try to take a breath, only to find your lungs won't open. Panic forms a lump in your throat. 

You’re paralyzed. 

You try to open your eyes. 

Nothing. 

The liquid around you begins to swirl. It’s sluggish at first, but quickly gains speed. Your body whips around, getting sucked into the whirlpool. 

Shaking violently, you land on something hard. You brace for the pain, but feel nothing. 

Numbingly cold liquid forces its way up your throat. You gag, gasping for air. Eyes fluttering open, you sit up. Your eyes race over your body, but you don’t see any injuries from the fight. 

Head snapping around, you take in your surroundings. You’re sitting up on a pink bed, a thick comforter covering you. The holographic clock on the nightstand reads 4:35 am. 

You suck in a breath, pushing off the comforter. Walking over to the bureau, holographic pictures rotate through frames.

“Am I… home?” You reach a finger out to one of the pictures. A little girl with fluffy golden wings and flowing brown hair stands between a man and a woman. 

A tear rolls down your cheek. It’s you with your parents a day before they left. The photo fades and another one takes its place. You haven’t seen this one before. It's you on your father’s shoulders. His yellow wings shine in the sun. Your mother sits in the grass, laughing. The date on the photo catches your eye. 

_ May 22, 2010. _

Your parents died on the 21st. 

You rush out of the room. Muscle memory takes over as you navigate the halls. Taking a right, you arrive, freezing in front of the door. 

_ What if-  _ You push away the thought before you can finish it. Laying a hand on the door, you quietly push it open. 

The dim light of the hall leaks into your parents’ bedroom. Two large silhouettes lay underneath the covers. Your mother’s sword leans against the nightstand. 

“They’re alive.” A familiar voice says from behind you. In a fluid motion, you unsheath one of your swords and whip it around, resting it underneath the chin of the source. 

Your eyes widen. “Sorry,” you mumble, lowering your blade. 

Phoenix chuckles lightly. “Always on guard, aren’t you?” 

“That’s how I was trained,” you reply, voice soft. You glance at your parents.

“They can’t hear you. You’re a ghost to them,” Phoenix says. 

Finally having a chance to take in her appearance, you study Phoenix. Her skin glows with a soft white light, and her green eyes pierce through the dimness of the hall. Instead of her white hair from earlier, raven black hair falls softly around her shoulders, stray strands resting on her exposed collarbones. Her wings and sword are nowhere to be seen. 

“What am I doing here?” Your eyes well up a little. 

_ They’re so close. If only I could say something. _

“I’m here to make you an offer.” She motions to the couches in the living room, and you follow her quietly and take a seat. She lowers herself into your father’s chair. 

“What kind of offer?” You glance around the room. Everything is the same as you remember it, down to the very last detail, even the coffee cup stains on the table. 

Phoenix sighs. Her hair is curly now, falling in little gold ringlets around her face. Her blue eyes remind you of Kirk. 

_ She looks like a cross between Goldilocks and Xena Warrior Princess,  _ you think to yourself. 

Phoenix clears her throat. “Thanks, I guess.” 

“What? Wait. Did you just-”

She sighs, rolling her eyes as if to say  _ ‘duh’ _ . 

Your face burns with embarrassment. You’ve only met a few phoenixes with telepathy, but the First Phoenix possesses all abilities. Given how many strange powers you’ve heard of, that pales in comparison. 

“Now, down to business.” She folds her hands in her lap. “You gave up your life force to me.” She says it so simply, as if this were about some sort of business deal. 

Then again, it kind of is. 

“So I’m… dead?”

She snorts. “Oh, very much so. Your body is burnt to a crisp. I counted three organ failures, multiple broken bones, two internal-” She stops, looking at your horrified face. “Sorry.” She clears her throat, continuing, “Yes, you’re dead.”

Gulping, you nod wordlessly. 

“I want to offer you a...” She motions with her hands. “Redo, of sorts.” 

The words take a second to compute.

“W-what? Why me?”

“There’s something special about you…” Phoenix continues, looking you up and down, eyes sparkling with curiosity.

“And it’s not the fact that I’m gay?” 

She laughs. “No. But I feel you deserve another shot.”

You frown. “How would that even work? My parents are dead. We fought a  _ war  _ against ourselves, slaughtering our own kind, and now I’m dead, too. God knows what happened to Jen-” Your voice breaks. You hadn’t even thought about what Jen might be going through. She lost everyone she had before, and now she’s lost you, too.

“That’s the point. Do you want things to be different this time?” 

You lower your head. “You can’t just snap your fingers and reverse this. And why would I even get this chance? What have  _ I  _ done that makes  _ me _ more deserving than  _ all  _ those other phoenixes out there? Kids, just like me, who weren’t able to come home. Who never got the chance to say goodbye?!” Anger suddenly washes over you. “ _ They  _ never got a second chance. They were innocent, too, forced into a war they didn’t understand! Just sent off after attending their parent’s funerals and told where to go, like good little  _ soldiers. _ ” You spit. “They deserve to see their families again! I’ve killed hundreds of people on the battlefield, some of them just like me! Scared and alone, their friends being blown up beside them! Now tell me, why the fuck don’t _ they _ deserve a second chance?!”

You realize you’ve been yelling. Phoenix rises to stand face to face with you. 

“The war, those deaths…” Defeat weighs on Phoenix’s shoulders. Her now-hazel eyes are heavy with pain. “They had to happen. I can’t bring them back. The whole space time continuum.” She waves her hands. “It’ll spiral out of control if I alter major events.”

“Such as the biggest war in our history.”

“Yes,” she says softly. 

You sigh, landing heavily back down on the couch. You run a hand through your hair. 

Phoenix sits beside you. “Dána was never supposed to survive his execution. He used his abilities to control the void, allowing him to fake his death. The attack on the Enterprise-”

“So this is just an apology?” You grit your teeth. “Because some jackass was able to slip by you. Because you made a  _ mistake? _ ”

“It’s not li-”

“Just a little gift to say ‘Oh, sorry you  _ died  _ trying to clean up my mess! Whoops! I’ll be  _ sure  _ to not let a war criminal have the power to  _ manipulate the void itself  _ again!” Your voice drips with sarcasm as you stand up, walking back down the hall to your parents’ room. 

_ Maybe I can say goodbye. _

Before you can reach the hallway, Phoenix snaps her fingers behind you. A bright light flashes, forcing you to close your eyes. When you reopen them, you’re outside. The light has dimmed to a soft yellow glow. Grass gently swishes in the breeze.

You whip around to Phoenix. “What the-”

She simply points. You follow her gaze. Off in the distance, you can barely make out three people near a large oak tree. The edges of a checkered blanket flutter in the breeze. A familiar laugh cuts through the quiet.

A tear rolls down your cheek. 

_ Dad?  _

Your father stands beneath the tree, a giggling toddler in his arms. 

“You could have all this back,” Phoenix whispers. 

The scene changes. You’re back in your room, though the bedding is no longer pink. Instead, the comforter is a deep blue. A teenage girl sits in front of the mirror, her long hair flowing down her back. 

“Almost done.” The woman leans down next to the girl’s ear, her eyes sparkling. 

“It looks great, Mom.” The girl smiles. 

You catch a whiff of perfume as the woman turns to grab a brush. 

_ Lilac.  _ The scent brings back old memories of comfort and warmth.

You step closer, hesitant. 

“There!” The woman spins the girl around. 

The girl beams, taking in the curls that fall around her shoulders. Then she sucks in a breath.

“I’m nervous,” she mumbles, looking down at her feet. 

The woman tilts the girl’s chin up. “You are gonna do great, Y/N.” She hands her the bouquet of flowers 

You look to Phoenix. “But this never happened.” You flash back to when you were getting ready for your first date with Jenna. You were alone in your room, your hair a complete mess. You remember crying, wishing your mother was there to help.

“But it could…” 

Phoenix snaps her fingers again, and the ghosts vanish. 

You find yourself back in the living room. 

“So… now that you truly understand… will you accept my offer?”

Tears roll down your cheeks. Yearning pulls at your heart, making you choke out a sob. Taking a shaky breath, you answer, “N-No.”

Phoenix steps back, surprised. “But-”

You repeat yourself, your voice stronger this time. “No.”

Glancing back down the hallway, you swallow. “It’s not fair. Others didn’t get this.” Memories of your friends wash over you. You can almost hear their cries as they receive their parents’ flags. “They didn’t get this. They never got to say goodbye. I shouldn’t either. So… no.” You look up at Phoenix, standing. Taking a shaky breath, you continue, “I died an honorable death. I accept my fate.” You straighten. “I will follow my brothers and sisters before me. I will join them in the afterlife.”

Phoenix smiles at you. “Congratulations.”

You blink. “What?”

“Congratulations,” she repeats. When you don’t respond, she continues. “You passed.”

“What? Passed what?”

“The test,” Phoenix says simply. Her eyes sparkle. “Do you know how long I’ve been alive? It’s been  _ billions  _ of years since a phoenix like you saw me last. They gave up their life force to save millions of our people from a fate far worse than death.”

In your history class, your teacher told you about a phoenix who saved your species from the brink of extinction, costing him his life. In your training, you were taught how, but it was always viewed as a very last resort, and you never heard of anyone doing it during the war. 

“So everything you just said… was a  _ lie?”  _

Phoenix shakes her head. “I could do that if I want, if  _ you  _ want. But you don’t. And because of that, you passed. A true warrior thinks of others before themselves. Their motivation to fight never comes from selfish urges of survival. It doesn’t even come from their hatred of the enemy. It’s the love of the people behind and beside them that motivates a warrior to wield their sword. Your death, your sacrifice, came not from the want to survive. It came from the protective love that burns deep within you. You died for your family, for your loved ones, not yourself.” Her now-blue eyes lock with yours. “That makes you a true warrior.”

You swallow, thinking of Jen holding you as you slipped away. “I’m no better than any of the other phoenixes that have died in battle. I’m no different than them.”

Phoenix shakes her head. “Yes, you are. You can’t see it now, but someday you will.” She rises to her feet, offering you her hand. “Now, it is time.”

“For what?”

She smiles. “It is time for you to let go.”

She snaps her fingers again. This time, you recognize where you are right away. The smell of blood and sweat is gone, however. Instead of carcasses, the old battlefield is covered in flowers. You gape out at it. You haven’t revisited this place since…

_ Annie. _

Though she was only one of countless phoenixes you saw die in the field, her death was by far the most haunting. The way she grasped at your arms, the look of desperation and agony in her eyes, the way she begged for the pain to end, her blood slick and hot on your hands.

You shudder involuntarily as you glance out at the area where she came to rest. Though the body was retrieved long ago, you can almost feel her eyes following you, haunting you.

“Go,” Phoenix says softly. 

Swallowing, you make your way across the field. The soft grass is warm on your bare feet. You reach a patch of daffodils that serve as a marker for Annie. Tears slip down your cheeks and fall softly onto the vibrant petals as you kneel down, ignoring the clumps of moist dirt that cling to your knees. 

“Annie…” you whisper, running a finger across the tops of the flowers as they swish in the cool breeze. 

“Hey, Y/N.”

You snap your head up, eyes going wide as you recognize the person in front of you. 

“Annie?” you gasp.

The girl nods. Though she looks younger than you remember, you realize that it isn’t her that’s changed. It’s you. 

She smiles knowingly. “I know, I haven’t aged since. I still look like I’m twelve.”

You get up shakily. Tears drip from your face as you tackle her in a hug. Though her head is lower on your chest than you remember, the hug is just as warm as they always used to be. 

You can’t stop the tears as she wraps her arms around you. The two of you stand there, your weeping the only sound cutting through the silence. 

After a few minutes, you finally find your words. “I-I’m so sorry,” you sob, your chest heaving. “I cou-” You suck in a breath. “I-I couldn’t save you.”

“It’s okay, Y/N. None of us were supposed to be saved. It was fate.”

Your eyes burn as you look down at her. “Us?”

She gently pulls you apart. You resist the urge to wrap her back up in her arms, not wanting to lose her again.

“Look, Y/N. Look.” Annie points to behind you. You turn. 

In the field stands a crowd of people.

“Come on,” Annie says, grabbing your hand. She leads you down the hill towards them. 

They all smile upon seeing you. Not a single face escapes your recognition. Guilt begins to weigh heavy in your chest as you and Annie come to a stop in front of them. 

She gestures to the group. “Our deaths aren’t on you.”

Emotion overwhelms you, threatening to tear you apart. Guilt, sadness, joy, shock. They all hit you at once, making your insides twist and flutter. 

“I don’t… I can’t…” you choke, miserably. 

One phoenix steps forward, his baby blue wings burning behind him.. 

“Michael?” He was one of the first training partners you ever had. The last time you had seen him, he was pinned down by rebel forces. His body came home shortly after. 

“It’s okay, Y/N. You don’t have to do anything but listen.”

Annie speaks up again. “None of this is your fault. We made our choice, Y/N. Just as you did back on the Enterprise. You can’t keep carrying this guilt.”

You stare out at the faces, their names flashing through your mind. Every single one of them fought beside you, and every single one of them were lost. 

Another phoenix steps towards you. 

“Zach?”

He nods. “Hi, Y/N. I’d say it’s good to see you, but…” He waves his hand around. “I think it’s safe to say all of us were hoping this reunion would happen a lot later.” This gets some nods and mutterings of agreement. “Y/N, our lives were all cut short by the war. You need to stop wasting yours reliving the past.” 

Annie nods, her face going serious. “You need to let us go.”

You shake your head, tears pricking at your eyes as you stare down at the ground. “I can’t.”

Michael takes your hand in his, squeezing it. “Look at us, Y/N. We’re happy. We’re okay.” Another tear falls from your face. “We’re okay,” he repeats as he wipes the tears from your eyes. “Stop worrying about us. Stop torturing yourself. Let us go.”

“I-I don’t want to.” Your voice cracks. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. None of this was your fault, Y/N. You killed  Dána . You avenged us. Now it’s time for you to let us rest.”

“But I couldn’t save you! Any of you!” you scream, falling to the ground as your emotions overwhelm you. “You all died because of me. I was useless. All I could do was sit there and watch! I had to tell your families what happened. I had to be the one to explain to them that you weren’t coming home! I can’t forgive myself for that, for putting them through that pain!” You tremble on the ground, arms wrapped around yourself. Memories overwhelm you, making your head spin. 

Annie kneels down next to you. “You fulfilled your duty. Without you, our deaths would have been in vain. Without you, our families would be dead, too. Our brothers and sisters, our mothers and fathers, everyone. They would all be dead. But you stood up and fought. You stopped him, Y/N.” She pauses, looking at you. “In the end, you  _ did _ save us.”

The statement hangs in the air. You open your mouth to speak, but the words won’t come out. 

Michael kneels down in front of you, brushing your hair out of your eyes. “Now it’s time for us to save you.”

Annie places her hand on your shoulder. “Let us go, Y/N. Forgive yourself.”

You look out at all of them. “I’m so sorry.” 

They all smile at you. 

“It’s okay, Y/N. Let us go.” 

“H-how?”

“Close your eyes. Take a deep breath.”

You try to keep them closed, but you fail. “I- I can’t. I can’t let you go, I’m sorry!” you sob, tears blurring your vision. 

Annie’s soothing voice cuts through the sound of your crying. “Focus, Y/N. Close your eyes.”

Their words echo in your mind as you sit there in the grass, the wind gently fluffing your hair. 

_ “Let us go.” _

_ “It’s not your fault.” _

_ “We’re okay, Y/N.” _

_ “In the end, you  _ did  _ save us.” _

The wind picks up ever so slightly. Annie’s touch slowly fades away. 

When you open your eyes, they’re gone. 

You sit there for what feels like forever, sobbing by yourself. 

“Only two more left,” Phoenix says quietly, coming up next to you. She points to a tree. Two people stand underneath it. They wave at you.

You look up at her, voice breaking. “N-no. I can’t.”

Phoenix’s voice is gentle. “You have to.”

Legs shaking, you make your way over to the tree. 

Your mother’s face hasn’t changed since you last saw her. Her youthful beauty is still radiant as ever. Likewise, your father has also stayed the same. Smile wrinkles crinkle around his eyes as he takes you in. 

“Hi, sweetheart.”

You break out into a run, covering the last few meters that separate you. They spread out their arms, welcoming you in. 

“Mom! Dad!” you exclaim breathlessly as you bury yourself in their shirts. 

Your dad ruffles your hair. “How’s our baby girl doing?”

“I’m fine,” you say, voice breaking. 

Your mother slips her fingers underneath your chin, forcing you to look at her. “No, you’re not.”

Your father nods. “It’s okay, Y/N. It’s okay to let go. It’s okay to cry.”

“But-”

Your father and mother share a look. “We don’t have much time.” A tear slips down his cheek. His amber eyes lock with yours. “Y/N, Annie was right. You can’t carry this with you forever. You need to let us go.”

You pull yourself back into their arms. “No, I just got you guys back, I can’t lose you again.”

Your mother’s voice shakes a little as tears begin to well in her chocolate eyes. “Y/N, we are so, so proud of you.” 

“No, please-”

“You came to the crossroads and you made the right decision. You proved yourself to be strong, Y/N. Stronger than us.”

Your father nods. “We couldn’t have asked for a better daughter.”

Smiling warmly at you, your mother continues, “Your trainer was right. You’re a damn good phoenix.”

“Not that we ever doubted it,” your father teases. He loops his arm through your mother’s. 

You’re taken aback. “How do you know about that?”

Your mother pushes your bangs out of your eyes. “We’ve been watching over you.”

__  
  


“Ple-”

He looks at you. “Let us go, sweetheart.”

You begin to sob again. “I can’t. Not you guys. This is different.”

“No, it’s not,” your mother soothes. “We’re gone, Y/N. It’s okay.”

“I-I miss you guys,” you whisper. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

“We’re always with you, Y/N. You’ll be okay.” They pull you into a hug. “We’re all gonna be okay.” Your breathing slows as warmness washes over you, flowing through your chest. After a few moments, their touch begins to fade.

Opening your eyes, all that’s left of your parents is the faint scent of lilac. 

Phoenix walks up the hill towards you. Your eyes are raw from crying. The two of you sit there silently as the flowers in the field ruffle in the breeze. Swallowing, you take a deep breath. 

_ You made the right decision.  _

_ We couldn’t have asked for a better daughter.  _

_ We’re so, so proud of you.  _

_ You’ll be okay, we’re gonna be okay.  _

Their words echo in your head. Eventually, your tears dry. For the first time in a long time, the cold lump of sadness in your chest begins to fade as peace and warmth are ushered in. Sniffling, you stand up unsteadily and look at the patch of daffodils. You manage a small smile. 

Phoenix stands next to you. “Are you ready?”

Your eyes still locked on the daffodils, you shakily answer, “Yes.”


	44. Chapter 44

The cold liquid seeps back into your bones and chest. This time, though, fear doesn’t overtake you. As the liquid drips away, feeling comes back, first in your fingers, but then the rest of your body as well. You resist the urge to breathe, knowing your lungs are not yet clear. Muffled noises begin to reach your ears. Something thudding, people crying, someone yelling. You gasp as your eyes snap open. A blue glow covers your eyes. Groggily, you raise your hand and pull at whatever is covering your face. The blue sheet falls away. 

“What the-” Dr. McCoy’s voice makes your ears ring. “Get me a stretcher!”

Jenna rushes up next to you. “Y/N?!”

“Mmm…” you mumble, grappling for the edge of the cold steel table. Pain begins to roll through you. Your leg pulses with pain. 

“Whoa!” Dr. McCoy runs around the table, quickly grabbing your shoulders. “Don’t move, darlin’.”

Your eyelids droop. “Mm fine,” you whisper. 

Jenna helps McCoy lay you back down. You try to resist, but you’re spent. 

The tricorder begins to whir as both doctors look you over. The medbay’s bright lights above you are blinding and your head begins to throb. You bring a hand up to your face, covering your eyes. 

Jen reads you and yells to a nurse to dim the lights. 

“Thanks…” you mumble.

“Y/N, look at me.” Dr. McCoy slips his hands up to your face, forcing you to look straight up. His eyes are red and puffy. 

You raise a hand to his face when something white catches your eye. Bones stick out of your skin, blood dripping down to your wrists and onto your forearm. Your stomach rolls at the sight. 

“Don’t focus on that, Y/N. Focus on me.” Dr. McCoy turns your head to look back up at him. You swallow the bile in your throat. “Get me an anesthetic!”

Jenna looks down at you, tears dripping off her flushed face. “You’re gonna be okay, Y/N.”

You groan as pain shoots through your leg. Your head feels like it’s stuffed with cotton. Every breath sends new waves of torment through your chest. You wheeze, struggling to open your lungs. 

Dr. McCoy takes a hypo from one of the nurses. “This is gonna help, darlin’,” he says, worry in his voice. Normally, you’d resist the hypo but the pain is nearly insufferable. The soft hiss is a welcomed sound. The pain is replaced by numbness as the drug kicks in.

Jenna takes your hand, her eyes burning electric blue as she works to mend the bones. Dr. McCoy and an army or nurses huddle around you, healing your leg and other injuries. 

You swallow thickly. “Everyone… okay?” 

Jenna glances at McCoy, then at you. “Don’t worry about that.”

You frown, your brain foggy from blood loss. “What do you mean?”

Before they can answer, a nurse shouts something and Dr. McCoy nods grimly. Your vision begins to tunnel as they lift you up onto a stretcher. 

Reaching for Jenna’s arm, you repeat yourself, “What do you mean…” 

She avoids eye contact as she mends your ribs. The dermal regenerator in Dr. McCoy’s hand heals the cuts to your forehead, pulling the skin tight. Your mouth aches as your tongue explores the hole where one of your molars used to be. 

“We’ll fix that, too.” Dr. McCoy’s voice is calm, but you can see the anxiety in his eyes. The nurses count down from three as they move you onto a biobed. It comes to life, scanning your body. McCoy studies the monitors as they beep in alarm. 

“We need to get her to surgery,” he yells, turning to another nurse. She rushes off, no doubt grabbing a sedative. 

Jenna brushes hair out of your face. “You’ll be okay, Y/N,” she whispers as Dr. McCoy administers the hypo. Your eyes flutter closed.


	45. Chapter 45

A beeping cuts through the silence. Someone says your name, but you can’t tell who. You slowly suck in air as you crack your eyelids open, the effort nearly draining all your energy. 

“Y/N,” Dr. McCoy repeats. 

Slowly, you look up at him. His eyes are no longer red and instead of his usual medical blues he’s wearing an all-white uniform. You blink a few times, trying to focus. 

“You’re in medbay. How do you feel?”

You blink again as the room spins. Finally, you manage to answer, “...Fine.” Groaning, you sit up and pull back the blanket covering you. 

“Nuh-uh.” He shakes his head. “You aren’t going anywhere, darlin’. Not till I make sure you’re okay.” 

“I’m fine,” you repeat, this time your voice is a little stronger. Suddenly, you remember Jenna’s worried look. “Is everyone okay? What happened to the ship? What about Noah? Where’s-”

The monitors beep in panic as your heart rate increases with every question. McCoy lays his hands on your shoulders, pushing you back down.   
“Don’t worry about that right now.”

You ignore him, looking around frantically. 

_ Where’s Jenna? If she’s alive, why isn’t she here? Where is everyone else? Did they not make it. Is that why he was crying? Are they busy recovering the bodies? How many died? How much blood is on your hands? _

“You need to calm dow-” 

He’s cut off by you rushing past him. A metal cart crashes to the floor as you tip it over in your clumsy attempt at escape. Adrenaline pumps through your veins, slowly cutting through the fogginess. Your head spins as you stumble out of the room and towards the medbay doors. Everything is a sterile white, and you can’t tell up from down. Suddenly, you find yourself on the floor, bright lights shining in your eyes once again. You groan as everything gets blurry. You hear beeping, voices, some shouting, some whispering softly, the cold liquid seems to seep into your bones again. Fear takes over and you feebly crawl, unsure of which direction you’re even going in.

_ Gotta… save them… _

The doors are mere feet from your outstretched hands when you’re pulled up off the floor by two strong arms. You catch a flash of hazel and white as you’re pulled to Dr. McCoy’s chest. 

“C’mon darlin’,” he soothes as he carries you back to the biobed, a half dozen nurses’ eyes following you. 

“Lemme go!” you scream, feebly thrashing against him, striking his chest. “I have to save them!” Fatigue threatens to take over you, but you push it back. 

“You already did, Y/N. They’re safe. It’s okay.” He motions to a nurse, who pulls back the blankets on the biobed. 

“But-” you choke out a sob. He pulls you closer as he restrains your arms. Your head is against his chest. You try to move, but he holds you firmly in place. 

“Deep breaths, Y/N.” His chest pushes against yours. You try to match his breathing, but your lungs refuse to open. The lack of air makes you lightheaded. “Breathe, Y/N. Breathe.”

You wheeze, struggling to get air in. Heat flashes make your skin feverish as nausea rolls through you.

He holds you for a few minutes, the two of you focusing on your breathing. Images flash through your mind, making you whimper. Dana’s snarl, Noah’s leg, Matthew and the others saying goodbye, Jenna’s terrified face as Dana-

Dr. McCoy’s touch helps to snap you out of it. He slowly rubs your back in circles. “Breathe, just breathe.”

After a while, your breathing slows as you come down from the panic. Exhaustion soon follows and you slump over in Dr. McCoy’s arms. He sets you down gently, pulling the blankets up around you. 

“I’m gonna get Jenna, okay?” He looks up at the nurse. “Stay with her.”

Your eyelids grow heavy as you struggle to stay away.

The nurse looks at you, smiling warmly. “It’s okay, Y/N. Dr. McCoy will wake you when they get here.” 

Her words shatter any will you have to stay awake. Closing your eyes, you fall asleep.


	46. Chapter 46

“Wake up, Y/N.” Someone gently shakes your arm. 

Your eyelids flutter open. Raising your hands to them, you rub the sleep from your eyes. 

“Someone is very excited to see you,” Dr. McCoy says, smiling, as he walks towards the door to leave. 

_ Jenna! _

As if on command, she rushes past Dr. McCoy and into the room. Sitting down on the bed, she pulls you into her arms. The scent of strawberry shampoo makes you smile. 

She pulls back, her hands coming up to cup your face. Silently, she studies you intently, tears of joy in her eyes. After a moment, she pulls you into another hug.

“Can’t. Breathe,” you manage as she squeezes you tight. 

“Sorry, I just…” She lets out a shaky laugh. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Jeez, we didn’t get that warm of a welcome when she checked in with us,” Matthew teases as he steps into the room, followed by Charlie and Zoe. Though they had a few bruises and cuts on their faces, they seemed alright.

You laugh a little. “Well, being her girlfriend has its perks.” Then you frown, realizing someone is missing. “Wait, where’s-”

“Right here, Y/N.” Matt and Zoe move out of the way as Noah wheels himself in. 

Your face falls as relief and sadness mix inside of you. You take in his pale face and tired eyes. “Oh, Noah…”

He holds up a hand. “It’s okay. Dr. McCoy says he’s reached out to some colleagues back on Earth. The prosthetic I’m getting will be just as good as my leg used to be.”

You bite your lip, unsure of what to say. A long silence fills the room.

“The wheelchair looks fun,” Zoe smirks, kicking the metal wheels.

Noah grins up at her. “Betcha I can beat you in the hall.” 

“Hold up,” Charlie giggles. “Did Zoe just… smile?”

Zoe rolls her eyes as the rest of your laugh. “I do have emotions, you know.” She looks pointedly at Charlie. “Anger being one of my strong ones.”

Charlie waves off her paper tiger threat. 

You swallow hard. “How many did we lose?”

Matt looks up at you, his voice soft. “As of right now, thirteen. A few are still in surgery, though.”

Taking a breath, you digest the information. That’s not as many as you thought, but more than you’d hoped.

“Have their families been notified yet?”

Charlie shakes her head. “No, we’ll get on it right away.” She turns to leave, but you call after her.

“No. I want to do that myself.”

They all glance at one another. 

Zoe sucks in a breath. “Are you sure you’re up f-”

With Jenna’s help, you sit up. “Yes. I sent them into battle, I should be the ones to notify their families. That’s final.”

“Yes, ma’am,” they murmur. 

You look up at Jenna. “Am I free to go?”

She frowns a little. “You should really stay a little longer.”

“Babe.” You take her hand. “These people deserve to know.” As much as you want to have that conversation in person, you know that as soon as the council finds out what happened, families will be sick with worry about their loved ones. They’ll need answers. Even if for some, it won’t be the answer they want.

She swallows. “Okay, but I’m going to be monitoring you closely. If anything looks wrong-”

You cut her off. “I know, I know. I’ll get sent right back to medbay.” Pulling off the blanket you rise unsteadily. Black dances in front of your eyes, but you ignore it. Jenna makes her way around the bed, taking your arm. 

You look up at the others. “Matt, get me on with the Council. Charlie, set up the meeting with the families right afterwards. Zoe, talk to Dr. McCoy. I want to know the latest.” You smile at Noah. “Noah, get some rest.”

He nods. 

“What? No orders for me?” Jenna teases. 

“Actually,” You glance down at the hospital gown you’re wearing. “I need you to help me get some clothes.”


	47. Chapter 47

“Yes, sir. I-”

He cuts you off again. “And you fought him alone?!”

You resist the urge to groan. The members of the High Council stare down at you from their seats. Even on video call, you can feel the intensity of their stares. Counselor Leoir’s brown eyes study you. 

You take a deep breath, choosing your next words carefully. “Sir, I had no choice. It was quite literally do or die. If we didn’t fight him, then who knows how many would be dead. An attempt was made to contact the Council, but it failed. We have all seen the destruction Duine Dána has caused. My own parents sacrificed their lives to help stop that monster. Going into this fight, I had every intention of laying down my own life if it meant the survival of the others. Dr. McCoy can confirm that it did, indeed, come to this.”

A heavy set counselor, Counselor Itheann, peers down at you. “If that happened, then how are you still alive?”

“The First Phoenix, sir.”

The High Council members share whispers. After a few seconds, they turn back to you. “Explain.”

“When fighting Dána, I was forced to choose between the survival of the ship and my fellow phoenixes, or my loved one. Instead, I created a third choice. I gave the First Phoenix access. With her power, I was able to defeat the enemy and maintain my shields, thus successfully protecting the innocent and fulfilling my oath as a phoenix.”

Another counselor, Counselor Bhean, shakes her head. “But a phoenix does not return from that.”

“I understand the tradition, ma’am. But the Phoenix, she saw…” You trail off, exhaling, knowing how that would sound. “She made a different choice, ma’am.”

Counselor Leoir scoffs. “And you expect us to believe that?”

You tighten your jaw. “Quite honestly, sirs and ma’am, I don’t care what you believe.”

They gasp. Before they can speak, you continue.

“What I’m saying is the truth. What happened today was costly and bloody. Good phoenixes died. I wish that I could say this was avoidable, but I can’t. Duine Dána was a threat to all, not just the Enterprise or even the Vulcan colony. Those phoenixes that we lost today did not die in vain. We all knew the risk. We knew what Duine Dána was going to reap if he wasn’t stopped. That is why I asked for their help. I knew that I could not fight him alone. Please, believe me, counselors, that if I could have ended this with only my blood shed, I would have. All of us here have witnessed what Duine Dána was once capable of. I had no other options. I was faced with a choice.” You lock eyes with them. “I made my decision and I stand by it.”

The counselors share a look. 

“We must confer amongst ourselves,” Counselor Itheann states. They whisper to one another, though you can’t hear them.

“Wow… I just got muted,” you joke.

Counselor Leoir turns to you and taps something on the screen. “We can hear you.”

Your face burns red as they mute themselves and continue to discuss their decision. For the past hour, you have been explaining to the Council everything that has been going on aboard the Enterprise leading up to the return of Dána. They will decide whether or not your actions were justified and if you will remain as a phoenix, or return home to face the penalty. 

Finally, fifteen minutes later, they turn back to face you. 

“We have come to our decision.”

Your heart pounds in your chest, but you ignore it. 

_ No matter what happens, Mom and Dad are proud.  _ This thought brings a sense of calm over you. You release the tension in your shoulders as you straighten your back, prepared to hear their verdict.

“Lt. Commander Y/N Y/L/N, you are to return home.” 

You lower your head, closing your eyes. You had placed a bet and you lost. Now it’s time to pay up. “I understand.”

“I was not finished.” Counselor Leoir looks at you. “You are to return home with the other surviving phoenixes. You are to receive the  _ Bonn Lonrach. _ ”

You gasp. “Sir, I-”

“As you may know,” Counselor Ittheann says, “This is the highest medal of honor a phoenix can receive.”

_ Bonn Lonrach. _

“Holy shit…” you mutter.

“You may want to omit that from your speech.”

Your face burns again, then confusion hits you. “Wait, what speech?”

Counselor Bhean looks at you. “You led the charge. As you said, this was your decision, Lt. Commander. You are to give a speech commemorating the fallen.”

You swallow. “I’d be honored.”

They nod curtly. “We expect you here in four days. The ceremony will begin at 14:00.”

You frown. “Wait, what about the others?”

Counselor Leoir blinks. “After the ceremony, they will continue their assignment on the new Vulcan colony.”

“No.”

He scowls at you. “What do you mean ‘no’?”

You take a deep breath, knowing what you’re about to risk. “They fought the same battle I did. They also deserve the  _ Bonn Lonrach. _ ”

“You are in no position to be-”

You hold your hand up. “Counselors, I just watched many of my friends die. After this, I have to explain to their families what happened. I am not receiving an award while they get  _ nothing _ .”

Counselor Bhean stares down at you. “No one has ever refused the  _ Bonn Lonrach. _ ”

You tilt your head up. “Then I will be the first.”

The counselors shift uncomfortably. Silence falls over them.

“To not award heroes that literally saved their race, well counselors that would look,” your eyes burn as your tone becomes harsh. “very bad.”

Counselor Leoir reaches a hand up to the medals that hang on his uniform. Sweat beads form on his forehead. 

“You wouldn’t want to tarnish your perfect record, now would you?” you ask, your voice menacing. 

After a moment, Counselor Itheann speaks. “I suppose we  _ could  _ give them medals as well…”

Counselor Bhean nods as she swallows. “Y-yes.” 

Counselor Leoir looks at you as he dabs his forehead. “I suppose we could.”

You smile . “Thank you, counselors.”


	48. Chapter 48

With the Enterprise’s warp, the trip took a little over three days to complete. During that time, you visited the phoenixes in medbay and helped with the retrieval of the bodies aboard Dana’s ship. 

Lost friends were held in medbay for the course of the trip and were visited by everyone. Captain Kirk, after having joined you on the retrieval, was one of the first to come in and pay his respects. 

Though most of them were killed during the raid, some of Dana’s men survived. While you were on the bridge fighting Dana, the other phoenixes rounded them up and restrained them. After the conversation about the  _ Bonn Lonrach,  _ you and the counselors arranged to have the rebels brought home to face the Phoenician courts. Mr. Scott found a nice place for them in the depths of the shuttlebay where Dr. McCoy could monitor their vitals. Charlie held them in a state of unconsciousness as she played memories for them.

Something tells you she didn’t show them puppies and rainbows.

Down in medbay, you visited the five injured phoenixes. Not surprisingly, they weren’t in high spirits. Though the news of the  _ Bonn Lonrach  _ helped, the heavy sadness that gripped all of you weighed heavy on your minds. 

Now, as you stand in front of a crowd of millions of phoenixes, that same sorrow is mixed with pride. Many of them wear an all-black phoenix uniform, though some of the younger children who sit with their parents fidget in simple black dresses or suits. You inwardly smile. Those uniforms are way too big for them to be wearing. Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise sit a few rows back, their gray uniforms blending in. The front rows are taken by the lost phoenixes’ families. Notifying them had probably been one of the worst moments of their lives, yet when they catch your eye they smile respectfully.

You take a breath. The medal weighs heavy around your neck. Charlie, Matt, and the others stand beside you on the stage. You glance over at Jenna, who gives you a reassuring smile. 

“When I came to that Vulcan colony, I honestly didn’t know what I’d find. It has been years since any of us have had to fight, and I was unsure as to whether or not they’d be willing to follow me. As I said to them at the time, I understood the want to find a new life, to start fresh as they were trying to do. But we all knew, deep down, that would never happen with our enemy still out there. One by one, they chose to raise their swords, to fight by my side, to fight for not only their people but  _ all  _ people.” You look down at a child sitting on his mother’s lap. “To fight for the hope that one day soon, we will all be able to live in the peace we have provided through sacrifice for the phoenixes that came after us.” You motion to the thirteen bodies laying in front of you, each wrapped in the Phoenician flag, their arms crossed in the Phoencian salute. “And these thirteen phoenixes, though they will never be able to enjoy that peace themselves, have made the ultimate sacrifice so that all of us still here can. Because of this, we all feel a deep sorrow. But I urge you, friends, to find pride within that sadness. These phoenixes may be last, but they will never be forgotten. May the  _ Bonn Lonrach  _ stand as a reminder to all phoenixes, of this age and the next, that these thirteen truly show what it means to be a warrior. To fight for freedom and justice. To fulfill their oaths. To face fear and rise above it.” You pause. “To be a  _ true _ phoenix.”

The crowd stands and claps, the sound echoing off the white capped mountains surrounding you. After a few seconds, you walk off the stage, followed by the rest of the group.

Forming a line, with you in the lead, the thirteen phoenixes are carried on your shoulders over to their final resting place. The crowd salutes as the line passes. Finally, you reach the area. Gently placing the bodies in the neatly dug out holes, the rest of you stand back. The three Counselors step forwards, their pure white robes billowing in the wind. 

“Rest now, for you are home,” they whisper. 

You, Charlie, Matthew, Zoe, and Noah all approach, along with the Counselors and a few other phoenixes that had been close with the thirteen. Each of you gently place the phoenixs’ swords on top of their chests. Hands burning in warm fire, the thirteen bodies are set ablaze.

The fire reflects off your wet eyes as you stand straight. Counselor Leoir looks at you and nods. 

You cross your arms, and the crowd follows suit. The wind rustling your hair, your voice carries in the breeze. “Once a phoenix, always a phoenix.”

Millions of voices answer back. “Once a phoenix, always a phoenix.”


	49. Chapter 49

“So this is your home?”

You nod. 

“It’s a far cry from Greenland,” Kirk comments, remembering your conversation in the lounge. 

You take in the green grass split by moss covered rocks. The air smells of fresh dirt and earth. Mountains cut through the carpet of soft grass, their peaks lost in the clouds.

“Maybe, but it’s home.”

Though the funeral had ended an hour ago, you still stand in front of the fresh mounds of dirt, the flowers on them just beginning to sprout thanks to Liam. 

“Never knew the Bermuda Triangle could be so beautiful.”

“Mmm,” you hum, taking in the scenery of your homeland. 

“Funny how we’ve been trying so hard to discover what’s out there,” Kirk motions to the sky above you. “that we never realized we hadn’t discovered everything here.”

“You’ll get there, eventually,” you reply quietly.

He lays a hand on your shoulder. “I never got to say thank you.”

“Well… I never really gave you the chance.” You flash back to the calls you made to the deads’ families. Their awful cries echo in your mind. 

Kirk’s blue eyes study you. “Still, thank you. Without you, we’d all-” he cuts short, looking down at the mounds. When he takes a deep breath, you’re surprised to see a tear slip down his face. “Thank you. These deaths, they’re on me.”

You shake your head. “Take it from someone who has a few years on you,” you lock eyes with him. “Don’t do that. Don’t waste time drowning in guilt. I know I’ve wasted too many years making that mistake. It won’t bring them back.” You motion to the graves in front of you. “Don’t waste the time you have left mourning people you’ve already lost. Spend that time loving the people you still have.”

He swallows hard, then sighs. After a moment, he responds, “Thanks, Y/N.” 

Leaves crackle as Matt and the others approach. Though the terrain is a bit of a challenge for his wheelchair, Noah is assisted by Zoe. 

Kirk takes his cue to leave and he heads out across the field. 

After a moment, Charlie breaks the silence. “Thought we’d find you here.”

You nod. “Just needed some time to pay my respects.”

“Well, if you need time-” Matt starts, his voice quiet. 

No,” you smile at them. “I-I’d rather not be alone.”

Jenna slips her hand into yours. She squeezes it reassuringly. “You’re never alone.”

Grass sways gently in the breeze. 

“I never told you guys…” You swallow. “What I saw.”

Noah rolls next to you, his voice soft. “You don’t have to, Y/N.”

You shake your head. “I think it would help all of us.” Eyes locked on the graves, you tell them everything about your visit with Phoenix. 

After a long pause, Zoe exhales. “Not sure what I was expecting, but I didn’t expect  _ that. _ ”

Charlie stares down at the mounds of dirt. “At least we know they’re not in pain anymore.” She looks out across the old battlefield, her eyes heavy. “Any of them.”

Matt squeezes her shoulder and she leans her head on his arm. Another breeze hits your backs, this one warmer. The scent of daffodils and lilac reaches your nose. 

A small smile pulls at the corners of your mouth. “I think they’re in good company.”


End file.
